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Mercury Jumper
@mercuryjumper.com
38 followers 71 following 90 posts
Satire for the climate crisis.
https://mercuryjumper.com
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Reposted by Mercury Jumper
matthewarcher.bsky.social
today’s joker moment: the app store promoting earth day above an ad for temu
a screenshot of the apple app store home page. it features a large banner for earth day above an ad for the temu app.
April 22, 2025 at 1:49 PM
Reposted by Mercury Jumper
mdevivo.bsky.social
The blooms have started on the Charles River Esplanade and in Boston’s Back Bay neighborhood. 🌸

#Boston #BostonSky #Massachusetts #Flower #FlowerSky #Photography #BlueSky
April 1, 2025 at 11:53 AM
Reposted by Mercury Jumper
jamesgdyke.info
How many people are being disappeared without this level of reporting?
www.boston.com/news/local-n...
'ICE kidnapped our neighbor': Outrage at arrest of Tufts student spreads as lawmakers demand answers
Rumeysa Ozturk's detention sparked continued protests, allegations that federal officials broke the law, and more.
www.boston.com
March 28, 2025 at 6:43 PM
mercuryjumper.com
“I mean imagine how awkward it would be,” added DeQuay. “If we actually knew about– hypothetically– children in Ivory Coast used as forced labor on cocoa plantations. That’s not in anyone’s interest.”
- Full article on website

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #climatechange #nestle
People in a boardroom smiling and laughing.
January 13, 2024 at 7:45 PM
mercuryjumper.com
“Voices like Somini Sengupta and Bill McKibben tell important climate stories,” said NYT Ad manager Jen Burbank. “This gives us wiggle room to fudge it a bit when we let Exxon say they’re ‘delivering industry with low emissions.’”

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #nyt
January 13, 2024 at 7:40 PM
mercuryjumper.com
“Honestly, nothing prevents more emissions than giving cash to adolescents with access to sports equipment and medium-sized rocks to make sure those private jets can’t fly.”
- Full article on website

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #climatechange #verra #carboncredits #privatejets
A private jet covered in grafitti, surrounded by kids holding rocks and spray paint.
January 11, 2024 at 9:16 PM
mercuryjumper.com
“Climate change is going to be bad,” said Gates. “Realistic projections show it could do real damage to the stock market, so unless we pump money into my investments now, I’ll miss out on a lot of upside.”
-Article on website

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #climatechange #degrowth
Bill Gates in a suit in front of digital-looking upward arrows, bars, and numbers
January 10, 2024 at 2:56 PM
mercuryjumper.com
“Canada, baby,” said Allan Ward, 49yo hedge fund manager. “When the world goes warm, I go cold. That’s the move. That’s how I groove.” Marten then repeatedly flicked his tongue into his Scotch like a snake.
- Full article on website

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #climatechange
People sitting around a table eating and laughing.
January 9, 2024 at 1:40 PM
mercuryjumper.com
"This firm used vertical farming to grow “towers of suspended potatoes.” After raising $1.1b. in a SPAC, the company folded, explaining in a press release that “fine, potatoes only grow underground.”"
- Full article on website

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #climatechange #agtech
January 9, 2024 at 1:33 AM
mercuryjumper.com
Despite criticism that last year’s COP28 summit was headed by the CEO of a national oil company, this year’s event will be led by a complex and wrathful man played masterfully by Daniel Day-Lewis.
- Full article on website

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #climatechange #cop29
January 6, 2024 at 2:32 AM
mercuryjumper.com
"Honestly, when it comes to “climate stuff” I could take it or leave it. But any chance I get to fuck over people whose money just sits there and earns extra money– oh count me in dude."
- Full article on website

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #climatechange #banprivatejets
January 5, 2024 at 1:07 PM
mercuryjumper.com
Designed by start-up Canopy Carbon Co., the pilot project hopes to replace dense, healthy forests across the U.S. with sparse metallic infrastructure that does basically the same thing as trees but not as well.
- Full article on website

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #climatechange
January 4, 2024 at 2:32 PM
mercuryjumper.com
“Mickey– I mean Steamboat Willy– is a beloved figure and a hard worker,” said Exxon spokesperson Clay Mumfort. “His light-hearted whistling captures the optimistic spirit Exxon represents.”
- Full article on website.

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #climatechange #exxon
January 4, 2024 at 1:35 AM
mercuryjumper.com
"Even though hamburgers pair a vile flavor with a condescending texture, I eat ‘em anyway because it's the perfect punishment for Mother Nature."
- Full article on website

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #climatechange #lessmeat
January 3, 2024 at 1:36 PM
mercuryjumper.com
“Trust me, if God cooks with a stove, it uses heavenly ether,” said communications chief Melanie Schway about the colorless gas whose indoor use contributes to childhood health issues including asthma.
- Full article on website

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #methanegas
January 2, 2024 at 2:15 PM
mercuryjumper.com
"Our carbon accountants noted that McDuck curiously has no emissions associated with an investment portfolio (Scope 3, Category 15), as he keeps all his money in physical coins in a vault."
- Full article on website

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #climatechange #carbonaccounting
January 1, 2024 at 7:41 PM
mercuryjumper.com
"According to Fitch Analyst David Schweem, “Somewhere between 80 and 100% of the world’s population is fed by food. Monsanto wants to lock in a big market.”"
- Full article on website

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #climatechange #capitalism #food
December 29, 2023 at 2:26 PM
mercuryjumper.com
"When he was alive, Musk was flying everywhere in his private jet,” said Murphy, scooping a dense, dark material from a bucket. “But now, he just stays put here and helps my kale grow.”
- Full article on website

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #composttherich #degrowth
December 28, 2023 at 4:45 PM
mercuryjumper.com
"Were he around today, Jesus would surely appreciate the symbolism of the angel atop Christmas trees around the country that lovingly shelter heaps of new stuff."
- Full article on website

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #christmas #degrowth
December 28, 2023 at 12:46 AM
mercuryjumper.com
“I’m going to burn this unless someone pays me not to,” said Conley, as he wrestled to keep his carbon credit from falling over and dropping more needles onto his wood floor.
- Full article on website

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #climatechange #carboncredits
December 27, 2023 at 1:36 AM
mercuryjumper.com
“OK, I’m a long-timer Naughty Lister, so I’m familiar with coal,” said Jones. “And this wasn’t coal. It looked to me like some kind of granitic pegmatite.”
- Full article on website

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #climatechange #christmas
December 25, 2023 at 7:18 PM
mercuryjumper.com
"It’s a love story that “drills deep into love,” according to Hallmark promotional material.
- Full article on website.

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #climatechange #juststopoil
December 25, 2023 at 2:01 AM
Reposted by Mercury Jumper
davidho.bsky.social
Heat pump is a dumb name for such a magical device.
jacobtlevy.bsky.social Jacob T. Levy @jacobtlevy.bsky.social · Dec 23
Air your grievances!
December 24, 2023 at 7:16 PM
mercuryjumper.com
"Did I save a tree this Christmas? You’re fucking right I did. And guess what? I also saved a few bucks, keeping Mama’s cashy-cashy right in her pocky-pocket for something worthwhile."
- Full article on website

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #climatechange
December 22, 2023 at 1:44 PM
mercuryjumper.com
“A pack of 18 neck ties, each with a hologram face of a different character from the Barbie movie,” continued Bluffield. “I’d never buy these for myself. But probably my doofus son will buy them for me.”
- Full article on website

#satire #climatesatire #climate #climatecrisis #degrowth #christmas
December 21, 2023 at 12:56 PM