Mike Blejer
@mblejer.bsky.social
I write words (only some of them). Repped at Range & Verve, unless you hate me, in which case I'm a robot sent from the present to destroy you.
Teaching Kiddo how to change Tempo early so that I don’t blow his mind when I show him the fast forward button.
November 25, 2025 at 6:42 AM
Teaching Kiddo how to change Tempo early so that I don’t blow his mind when I show him the fast forward button.
I believe that as a father, your job is 50% blowing noses and 50% blowing minds. There’s probably some other stuff too, but mostly his mom does that.
November 24, 2025 at 7:05 AM
I believe that as a father, your job is 50% blowing noses and 50% blowing minds. There’s probably some other stuff too, but mostly his mom does that.
The Treachery of Potty Training
November 23, 2025 at 7:23 AM
The Treachery of Potty Training
It’s really hard to say no to this kid… but a bit easier when the request is palpably abstract and quite possibly impossible.
November 22, 2025 at 7:22 AM
It’s really hard to say no to this kid… but a bit easier when the request is palpably abstract and quite possibly impossible.
Sometimes we dress the toddler up like a tiny adult to put on our favorite play: “The Family That Can Stay Through the Whole Event.”
Critics rave: “Heartwarmingly implausible! Falls apart in the third act.”
Critics rave: “Heartwarmingly implausible! Falls apart in the third act.”
November 21, 2025 at 8:16 AM
Sometimes we dress the toddler up like a tiny adult to put on our favorite play: “The Family That Can Stay Through the Whole Event.”
Critics rave: “Heartwarmingly implausible! Falls apart in the third act.”
Critics rave: “Heartwarmingly implausible! Falls apart in the third act.”
OK, so my theory is that she was naturally drawn to his oversized backwards baseball cap because it smells like me, but what do you guys think? It’s probably what I said, right? Yeah. I thought so too.
November 20, 2025 at 7:27 AM
OK, so my theory is that she was naturally drawn to his oversized backwards baseball cap because it smells like me, but what do you guys think? It’s probably what I said, right? Yeah. I thought so too.
Y’know what? How about you be blurry some of the time, and I stay in perfect focus? Eh? I don’t care if you’re the center of my universe — if you didn’t want to be blurry, then maybe you shouldn’t have wriggled around like an epileptic puppy.
November 19, 2025 at 7:02 AM
Y’know what? How about you be blurry some of the time, and I stay in perfect focus? Eh? I don’t care if you’re the center of my universe — if you didn’t want to be blurry, then maybe you shouldn’t have wriggled around like an epileptic puppy.
Years from now I can only hope my son’s smart enough to understand I only raised him this way because I’m an idiot.
November 18, 2025 at 8:02 AM
Years from now I can only hope my son’s smart enough to understand I only raised him this way because I’m an idiot.
Told Kiddo “say it, don’t spray it,” and he said “f*ck it, I’ll do both.”
November 17, 2025 at 6:57 AM
Told Kiddo “say it, don’t spray it,” and he said “f*ck it, I’ll do both.”
I want to tell my kid he looks like a precious little sports angel, but I’m afraid he’ll get a big head and break my favorite frisbee with his big stupid cute head.
November 16, 2025 at 8:29 AM
I want to tell my kid he looks like a precious little sports angel, but I’m afraid he’ll get a big head and break my favorite frisbee with his big stupid cute head.
How soon is too soon to talk to your kid about Ratatouille?
November 15, 2025 at 7:47 AM
How soon is too soon to talk to your kid about Ratatouille?
As a modern parent, I take screen-time limits seriously.
That’s why I tell Baby: you don’t touch the iPad. I touch the iPad.
To activate the voice changer.
To teach him about the perils of technology, right before nap time.
Parenting is about compromises.
That’s why I tell Baby: you don’t touch the iPad. I touch the iPad.
To activate the voice changer.
To teach him about the perils of technology, right before nap time.
Parenting is about compromises.
November 14, 2025 at 8:51 AM
As a modern parent, I take screen-time limits seriously.
That’s why I tell Baby: you don’t touch the iPad. I touch the iPad.
To activate the voice changer.
To teach him about the perils of technology, right before nap time.
Parenting is about compromises.
That’s why I tell Baby: you don’t touch the iPad. I touch the iPad.
To activate the voice changer.
To teach him about the perils of technology, right before nap time.
Parenting is about compromises.
When baby refuses to nap and gets just the right level of punchy, for a brief moment he becomes an artistic genius, and you can take my word on that, because I’m even sleepier.
November 13, 2025 at 8:55 AM
When baby refuses to nap and gets just the right level of punchy, for a brief moment he becomes an artistic genius, and you can take my word on that, because I’m even sleepier.
Welcome back to Death, Sex & Money: Baby Edition — the podcast where we ask the big questions. Questions like, “what are those three things, and why are my parents always yelling about at least one of them?”
November 12, 2025 at 7:18 AM
Welcome back to Death, Sex & Money: Baby Edition — the podcast where we ask the big questions. Questions like, “what are those three things, and why are my parents always yelling about at least one of them?”
In this house, we live by the law of:
“He who smelt it, dealt it,”
and its logical corollary,
“He who craps in the tub gives it a scrub.”
“He who smelt it, dealt it,”
and its logical corollary,
“He who craps in the tub gives it a scrub.”
November 11, 2025 at 7:39 AM
In this house, we live by the law of:
“He who smelt it, dealt it,”
and its logical corollary,
“He who craps in the tub gives it a scrub.”
“He who smelt it, dealt it,”
and its logical corollary,
“He who craps in the tub gives it a scrub.”
What makes a good question, rhetorically speaking? (Asking for a friend who is a baby??).
November 10, 2025 at 6:55 AM
What makes a good question, rhetorically speaking? (Asking for a friend who is a baby??).
Teaching baby to water the fake grass so he understands the struggle of pursuing an impossible dream. Also in the sun it gets hot on his little toesies.
November 8, 2025 at 9:09 AM
Teaching baby to water the fake grass so he understands the struggle of pursuing an impossible dream. Also in the sun it gets hot on his little toesies.
🎶 You say “Tomato” I say “face me father, that I may pelt you with a thrown tomato” 🎶
November 7, 2025 at 7:32 AM
🎶 You say “Tomato” I say “face me father, that I may pelt you with a thrown tomato” 🎶
Baby’s a triple threat: He can sing, draw, and break his father’s iPad accessories (often all three at once). Next stop: Broadway! (Gonna try to sell my talented baby to buy a new Apple Pencil).
November 6, 2025 at 7:07 AM
Baby’s a triple threat: He can sing, draw, and break his father’s iPad accessories (often all three at once). Next stop: Broadway! (Gonna try to sell my talented baby to buy a new Apple Pencil).
He nailed it in one take and refused to try again.
November 5, 2025 at 6:56 AM
He nailed it in one take and refused to try again.
DEMOCRACY!*
*while supplies last.
*while supplies last.
November 4, 2025 at 10:13 PM
DEMOCRACY!*
*while supplies last.
*while supplies last.
Caught Baby starting a 1-man band (but on further inspection it’s actually just three 1/3-man bands stacked on top of each other in a Conductor’s overcoat).
November 4, 2025 at 7:09 AM
Caught Baby starting a 1-man band (but on further inspection it’s actually just three 1/3-man bands stacked on top of each other in a Conductor’s overcoat).
I always tell Baby: every generation stands on the shoulders of giants.
In some cases, literally.
In others, it’s more metaphorical, and the “giants” in question are only about 5’9” on a good day.
No, you can’t check my license, it says 5’9”.
Stop looking at me like that. You know exactly how.
In some cases, literally.
In others, it’s more metaphorical, and the “giants” in question are only about 5’9” on a good day.
No, you can’t check my license, it says 5’9”.
Stop looking at me like that. You know exactly how.
November 3, 2025 at 7:12 AM
I always tell Baby: every generation stands on the shoulders of giants.
In some cases, literally.
In others, it’s more metaphorical, and the “giants” in question are only about 5’9” on a good day.
No, you can’t check my license, it says 5’9”.
Stop looking at me like that. You know exactly how.
In some cases, literally.
In others, it’s more metaphorical, and the “giants” in question are only about 5’9” on a good day.
No, you can’t check my license, it says 5’9”.
Stop looking at me like that. You know exactly how.
Love being a parent, but humbling to know my baby’s mental model of me and a child-safe step-ladder overlap by about 50%.
November 2, 2025 at 5:05 AM
Love being a parent, but humbling to know my baby’s mental model of me and a child-safe step-ladder overlap by about 50%.
He’s gonna grow up to be a vet, but specifically the kind they have at dog fights.
November 1, 2025 at 8:29 PM
He’s gonna grow up to be a vet, but specifically the kind they have at dog fights.