Matt Hyams
@matthyams.bsky.social
comedian, comedy writer, satirical leadership speaker https://matthyams.com/
I hope these help in your time of need.
December 24, 2025 at 12:13 PM
I hope these help in your time of need.
Psyched to get into McSweeney’s for the 2nd time - only took 11 years!
I Like to Almost Kill People by Driving Past Them at 125 mph in My Modified Honda Accord
Everyone’s got their thing. For some, it’s baking. Others, gardening. Me? I like to take a modified Honda Accord, drive over 100 mph, and swerve be...
www.mcsweeneys.net
November 18, 2025 at 4:49 PM
Psyched to get into McSweeney’s for the 2nd time - only took 11 years!
Thank you to Megyn Kelly for finally asking, “What is appropriate pedophilia?”
#megynkelly #epsteinfiles #epsteinemails #epsteinlist
#megynkelly #epsteinfiles #epsteinemails #epsteinlist
November 17, 2025 at 3:46 PM
Thank you to Megyn Kelly for finally asking, “What is appropriate pedophilia?”
#megynkelly #epsteinfiles #epsteinemails #epsteinlist
#megynkelly #epsteinfiles #epsteinemails #epsteinlist
People are always asking me what my day looks like as a successful social media influencer, so here’s a sneak peek.
October 22, 2025 at 3:51 PM
People are always asking me what my day looks like as a successful social media influencer, so here’s a sneak peek.
If you hold any kid under 5 upside down, raisins will pour out of them.
October 7, 2025 at 1:41 PM
If you hold any kid under 5 upside down, raisins will pour out of them.
New study finds that being on the phone with T-Mobile top cause for people’s dreams not manifesting.
September 3, 2025 at 4:32 PM
New study finds that being on the phone with T-Mobile top cause for people’s dreams not manifesting.
Swim at your own risk!
August 7, 2025 at 2:30 PM
Swim at your own risk!
They said I had a mission.
August 5, 2025 at 11:41 PM
They said I had a mission.
*Remote therapy*
Patient: And I realized I‘ve been abused my whole life.
Wi-Fi connection goes out: therapist unfreezes.
Therapist: You cut out, sorry, what were you saying?
Patient: And I realized I‘ve been abused my whole life.
Wi-Fi connection goes out: therapist unfreezes.
Therapist: You cut out, sorry, what were you saying?
July 29, 2025 at 4:38 PM
*Remote therapy*
Patient: And I realized I‘ve been abused my whole life.
Wi-Fi connection goes out: therapist unfreezes.
Therapist: You cut out, sorry, what were you saying?
Patient: And I realized I‘ve been abused my whole life.
Wi-Fi connection goes out: therapist unfreezes.
Therapist: You cut out, sorry, what were you saying?
Taking people away from their families is like any muscle - you have to practice it to keep in shape.
July 23, 2025 at 7:58 PM
Taking people away from their families is like any muscle - you have to practice it to keep in shape.
Google’s response to any question:
“Where are you?”
“Where are you?”
July 10, 2025 at 6:25 PM
Google’s response to any question:
“Where are you?”
“Where are you?”
Walked by 2 guys having a conversation and one said, “It’s a very cynical look at the future” and the other said, “I like cynical” and I stopped and said, “Oh, DO you?”
July 8, 2025 at 11:33 PM
Walked by 2 guys having a conversation and one said, “It’s a very cynical look at the future” and the other said, “I like cynical” and I stopped and said, “Oh, DO you?”
What do you do with bag clips that keep breaking? Life hack inside 👇
July 1, 2025 at 1:45 PM
What do you do with bag clips that keep breaking? Life hack inside 👇
Whenever I walk by a homeless person asking me for money, but whose mind is intact, I always say, “Sorry I prefer my homeless crazy”
July 1, 2025 at 1:44 PM
Whenever I walk by a homeless person asking me for money, but whose mind is intact, I always say, “Sorry I prefer my homeless crazy”
He’s always bothering me when I’m trying to remember him the way he used to be.
June 24, 2025 at 5:22 PM
He’s always bothering me when I’m trying to remember him the way he used to be.
Do what I do, son: hope for the best.
May 30, 2025 at 11:27 AM
Do what I do, son: hope for the best.
Astrologers: what’s happening right now planetarily has never happened before, so this is a VERY special time.
Life: It will feel the same as all other days.
Life: It will feel the same as all other days.
May 21, 2025 at 1:12 AM
Astrologers: what’s happening right now planetarily has never happened before, so this is a VERY special time.
Life: It will feel the same as all other days.
Life: It will feel the same as all other days.
When you’re trying to figure out if your therapist voted for Trump…
May 14, 2025 at 2:09 PM
When you’re trying to figure out if your therapist voted for Trump…
When your job is tearing families apart but your wife needs you to run an errand.
May 12, 2025 at 8:27 PM
When your job is tearing families apart but your wife needs you to run an errand.
Small time life hack: pick it up.
April 23, 2025 at 8:23 PM
Small time life hack: pick it up.
Still waiting for a “sign” that it’s time to leave the country?
April 9, 2025 at 4:05 PM
Still waiting for a “sign” that it’s time to leave the country?
If Trump told his base to eat their own feces, there’d be influencers posting recipes by noon.
April 8, 2025 at 3:08 PM
If Trump told his base to eat their own feces, there’d be influencers posting recipes by noon.
Very exciting rebrand for Moms for Liberty!
April 7, 2025 at 5:45 PM
Very exciting rebrand for Moms for Liberty!
Here’s a recap of what’s been going on…
April 4, 2025 at 4:48 PM
Here’s a recap of what’s been going on…