Matthew
@matofcourse.bsky.social
Perpetually bewildered lost soul.
October 8, 2025 at 11:34 AM
[Ringing Microsoft Support]
“I’m the PA to the famous Danger Zone singer, and he can’t get into his email account.”
“Kenny Loggins?”
“No, that’s the problem, he can’t.”
#LunchPun
“I’m the PA to the famous Danger Zone singer, and he can’t get into his email account.”
“Kenny Loggins?”
“No, that’s the problem, he can’t.”
#LunchPun
September 2, 2025 at 11:41 AM
[Ringing Microsoft Support]
“I’m the PA to the famous Danger Zone singer, and he can’t get into his email account.”
“Kenny Loggins?”
“No, that’s the problem, he can’t.”
#LunchPun
“I’m the PA to the famous Danger Zone singer, and he can’t get into his email account.”
“Kenny Loggins?”
“No, that’s the problem, he can’t.”
#LunchPun
“Someone reported me to the RSPCA because they thought I was keeping my pet rabbit cooped up.”
“What did you do?”
“I made a run for it.”
#LunchPun
“What did you do?”
“I made a run for it.”
#LunchPun
August 30, 2025 at 11:39 AM
“Someone reported me to the RSPCA because they thought I was keeping my pet rabbit cooped up.”
“What did you do?”
“I made a run for it.”
#LunchPun
“What did you do?”
“I made a run for it.”
#LunchPun
Reposted by Matthew
Where you going?
Wrexham
I can take you as far as Shrewsbury?
Tidy
Wrexham
I can take you as far as Shrewsbury?
Tidy
August 30, 2025 at 9:36 AM
Where you going?
Wrexham
I can take you as far as Shrewsbury?
Tidy
Wrexham
I can take you as far as Shrewsbury?
Tidy
Reposted by Matthew
The world’s fastest talker was John Moschitta Jr, who could articulate 586 worlds per minute and spoke all of the lyrics to Michael Jackson’s Bad in just 20 seconds.
Still only half as fast as the guy who reads out the terms and conditions on radio adverts.
Still only half as fast as the guy who reads out the terms and conditions on radio adverts.
June 1, 2025 at 11:41 AM
The world’s fastest talker was John Moschitta Jr, who could articulate 586 worlds per minute and spoke all of the lyrics to Michael Jackson’s Bad in just 20 seconds.
Still only half as fast as the guy who reads out the terms and conditions on radio adverts.
Still only half as fast as the guy who reads out the terms and conditions on radio adverts.
May 27, 2025 at 12:56 PM
May 27, 2025 at 12:52 PM
Reposted by Matthew
If I had half a mind to give someone a piece of my mind, how much mind should I give them?
#showerthoughts
#showerthoughts
May 24, 2025 at 12:35 PM
If I had half a mind to give someone a piece of my mind, how much mind should I give them?
#showerthoughts
#showerthoughts
While on my way back from collecting my latest batch of amphetamines, I was pulled over by the police.
"Do you know what speed you were doing?" asked the policeman.
“No," I said, "I've changed my supplier."
#LunchPun
"Do you know what speed you were doing?" asked the policeman.
“No," I said, "I've changed my supplier."
#LunchPun
May 24, 2025 at 11:16 AM
While on my way back from collecting my latest batch of amphetamines, I was pulled over by the police.
"Do you know what speed you were doing?" asked the policeman.
“No," I said, "I've changed my supplier."
#LunchPun
"Do you know what speed you were doing?" asked the policeman.
“No," I said, "I've changed my supplier."
#LunchPun
When out on a pub crawl the other night and got so drunk that I split beer on my new watch.
Fortunately, it says it's resistant to 10 bars.
#LunchPun
Fortunately, it says it's resistant to 10 bars.
#LunchPun
May 23, 2025 at 11:55 AM
When out on a pub crawl the other night and got so drunk that I split beer on my new watch.
Fortunately, it says it's resistant to 10 bars.
#LunchPun
Fortunately, it says it's resistant to 10 bars.
#LunchPun
“My employer owns some landscape paintings that were apparently painted on TV. I’m thinking about stealing one.”
“Rob boss?”
“Yeah, that’s him.”
#LunchPun
“Rob boss?”
“Yeah, that’s him.”
#LunchPun
May 22, 2025 at 1:07 PM
“My employer owns some landscape paintings that were apparently painted on TV. I’m thinking about stealing one.”
“Rob boss?”
“Yeah, that’s him.”
#LunchPun
“Rob boss?”
“Yeah, that’s him.”
#LunchPun
Reposted by Matthew
new gender neutral greeting just dropped
May 3, 2025 at 4:23 PM
new gender neutral greeting just dropped
I went to a mental arithmetic competition the other day. My first three answers were fortieth, twenty hundred and eleventeen.
The other contestants did way better, I was only there to make up the numbers.
#LunchPun
The other contestants did way better, I was only there to make up the numbers.
#LunchPun
May 1, 2025 at 11:10 AM
I went to a mental arithmetic competition the other day. My first three answers were fortieth, twenty hundred and eleventeen.
The other contestants did way better, I was only there to make up the numbers.
#LunchPun
The other contestants did way better, I was only there to make up the numbers.
#LunchPun
April 29, 2025 at 12:23 PM
March 9, 2025 at 11:25 AM
People think I’m quite aloof because I’m always thinking about my next invention.
My dad was always thinking about inventing bathroom accessories, he was aloofer.
#LunchPun
My dad was always thinking about inventing bathroom accessories, he was aloofer.
#LunchPun
March 7, 2025 at 12:15 PM
People think I’m quite aloof because I’m always thinking about my next invention.
My dad was always thinking about inventing bathroom accessories, he was aloofer.
#LunchPun
My dad was always thinking about inventing bathroom accessories, he was aloofer.
#LunchPun
March 6, 2025 at 2:08 PM
March 5, 2025 at 2:09 PM
I used Prince, Queen and The Kings of Leon in my YouTube videos until someone told me I had to use royalty-free music.
March 3, 2025 at 6:23 PM
I used Prince, Queen and The Kings of Leon in my YouTube videos until someone told me I had to use royalty-free music.