Lyndon Baines Johnson
@lyndonbajohnson.bsky.social
This account is a parody. Label applied on the advice of Abe Fortas, Esq. Due to ongoing disputes with management, all messages here are reviewed by Fortas and Associates LLP before posting.
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Actually, as the first talk of college football begins, we've done you the service of updating our guide to Texas college football, who you are allowed to root for, and whom you're obligated to root against. -OS
Any sportscaster/journalist who uses the phrase "________ is electric" should be sent to the gulags or the Salvadorian murder prison. -OS
January 18, 2026 at 2:44 AM
Any sportscaster/journalist who uses the phrase "________ is electric" should be sent to the gulags or the Salvadorian murder prison. -OS
The real achievement in Texas higher ed is that Texas and Aggie exist, and yet somehow its the Texas State University System that manages to have the drunkest, craziest, stupidest board of regents. -OS
January 16, 2026 at 7:07 PM
The real achievement in Texas higher ed is that Texas and Aggie exist, and yet somehow its the Texas State University System that manages to have the drunkest, craziest, stupidest board of regents. -OS
It's a crazy world we live in where American conservatives have gone whole hog into the absolutely most foreign elements of modern European culture and libs are like "bro, this is 'Murica, we do don't do that stupid shit here." -OS
January 16, 2026 at 6:21 AM
It's a crazy world we live in where American conservatives have gone whole hog into the absolutely most foreign elements of modern European culture and libs are like "bro, this is 'Murica, we do don't do that stupid shit here." -OS
About half of Americans have a passport. People move and lose shit. Young people leave their birth certificates with their parents. It's a huge group of people of all kinds of stripes who couldn't prove their citizenship if asked. Why? Because its unimportant. -OS
January 16, 2026 at 5:54 AM
About half of Americans have a passport. People move and lose shit. Young people leave their birth certificates with their parents. It's a huge group of people of all kinds of stripes who couldn't prove their citizenship if asked. Why? Because its unimportant. -OS
Houston has way too little light rail. But the light rail it *does have* the lines down Main/Fulton/Harrisburg? Super fucking useful. A good argument to build more. -OS
Houston light rail 🫡🫡🫡
It's pure loser energy from LA Metro. The light rail lines get fewer riders per mile than Buffalo, for heaven's sake. (The subway is better, but that's because the B and D run in the heart of urban LA.)
January 16, 2026 at 5:13 AM
Houston has way too little light rail. But the light rail it *does have* the lines down Main/Fulton/Harrisburg? Super fucking useful. A good argument to build more. -OS
"Marco Rubio reads voraciously" is the new "Paul Ryan is a numbers guy." -OS
January 14, 2026 at 3:28 AM
"Marco Rubio reads voraciously" is the new "Paul Ryan is a numbers guy." -OS
Three competitive quarters and then the Texans' defense greased them.
January 13, 2026 at 4:42 AM
Three competitive quarters and then the Texans' defense greased them.
The problem with ICE from the get go was Bush created an agency that didn't have a job other than to go round up some guys who'd already been put in prison by a sheriff or local PD and then staffed the agency with people too lazy and stupid for *that* job. -OS
January 8, 2026 at 2:15 AM
The problem with ICE from the get go was Bush created an agency that didn't have a job other than to go round up some guys who'd already been put in prison by a sheriff or local PD and then staffed the agency with people too lazy and stupid for *that* job. -OS
DHS is what the Anti-Federalists had in mind by the way. Not cakes for gays, or payroll taxes. They were worried about an unresponsible federal gov't that could shoot a civilian in the street and get away with it like Redcoat. -OS
January 7, 2026 at 11:10 PM
DHS is what the Anti-Federalists had in mind by the way. Not cakes for gays, or payroll taxes. They were worried about an unresponsible federal gov't that could shoot a civilian in the street and get away with it like Redcoat. -OS
One reason the United States has never historically tried to regulate immigration or enforce a certain language like a European country is that we consciously thought of ourselves since the founding as a *not a European society.* -OS
January 7, 2026 at 10:52 PM
One reason the United States has never historically tried to regulate immigration or enforce a certain language like a European country is that we consciously thought of ourselves since the founding as a *not a European society.* -OS
Not only do you need Noem's scalp. This is the opportunity to really go after hiding individual ICE officer's identities, which has never sat well with me. Armed federal officers in the streets who are not readily identifiable is un-American.
January 7, 2026 at 8:32 PM
Not only do you need Noem's scalp. This is the opportunity to really go after hiding individual ICE officer's identities, which has never sat well with me. Armed federal officers in the streets who are not readily identifiable is un-American.
Noem should be fired. Not one one Democrat on the Hill should leave it be until this is the case.
January 7, 2026 at 7:54 PM
Noem should be fired. Not one one Democrat on the Hill should leave it be until this is the case.
Were I on the Hill, I would not stop until I had Noem's scalp.
If a federal agency killed an unarmed American citizen in cold blood on the streets on the Democrats' watch. Republicans would be smearing shit on the walls of the House and the Senate screaming for investigations and heads to roll.
January 7, 2026 at 7:53 PM
Were I on the Hill, I would not stop until I had Noem's scalp.
If a federal agency killed an unarmed American citizen in cold blood on the streets on the Democrats' watch. Republicans would be smearing shit on the walls of the House and the Senate screaming for investigations and heads to roll.
January 7, 2026 at 7:49 PM
If a federal agency killed an unarmed American citizen in cold blood on the streets on the Democrats' watch. Republicans would be smearing shit on the walls of the House and the Senate screaming for investigations and heads to roll.
DHS should go away. This should be a real goal, to unwind this un-American beast created by the War on Terror. Send the agencies under its umbrella back to their historic homes. Maybe save TSA and send it to DOT. But nuke the rest of it.
January 7, 2026 at 7:31 PM
DHS should go away. This should be a real goal, to unwind this un-American beast created by the War on Terror. Send the agencies under its umbrella back to their historic homes. Maybe save TSA and send it to DOT. But nuke the rest of it.
Classic cinema night at the Ranch. On the menu? An ode to Bacall and Monroe. -OS
January 7, 2026 at 2:19 AM
Classic cinema night at the Ranch. On the menu? An ode to Bacall and Monroe. -OS
Klobuchar goes to the Senate everyday and decides she'd rather deal with Hormel and a bunch of square-headed Scandanavian pig fuckers.
January 5, 2026 at 6:23 PM
Klobuchar goes to the Senate everyday and decides she'd rather deal with Hormel and a bunch of square-headed Scandanavian pig fuckers.
It's comment on the sorry state of the Senate not Klobuchar or Minnesota. The fact is all but maybe 1 or 2 Governerships are small potatoes jobs. And most states framed their constitution on the assumption that the Governor would be a drunk. With his dick in his hand more often than a pen.
Can't keep a grudge against Humphrey forever, sir
January 5, 2026 at 6:16 PM
It's comment on the sorry state of the Senate not Klobuchar or Minnesota. The fact is all but maybe 1 or 2 Governerships are small potatoes jobs. And most states framed their constitution on the assumption that the Governor would be a drunk. With his dick in his hand more often than a pen.
The job of the Governor of Minnesota is to be alive to press the federal relief button when the earworms eat your corn. And apparently that sounds better than being a Senator. Jesus Christ.
Damn, Silage and Hogs?
January 5, 2026 at 6:07 PM
The job of the Governor of Minnesota is to be alive to press the federal relief button when the earworms eat your corn. And apparently that sounds better than being a Senator. Jesus Christ.
The fact that Klobuchar is thinking about running for Governor of Silage and Hogs tells you everything about what the worth of being a Senior Senator is -- zilch.
January 5, 2026 at 6:02 PM
The fact that Klobuchar is thinking about running for Governor of Silage and Hogs tells you everything about what the worth of being a Senior Senator is -- zilch.
Walz is learning the hard way that once the stink of defeat is on you, its open season.
January 5, 2026 at 5:46 PM
Walz is learning the hard way that once the stink of defeat is on you, its open season.
Every journalist rushing to the example of Noriega is a good demonstration of why journalists are shit historians-- two seconds of historical thought would remind you the War on Drugs was *not a great example of life legitimate and lawful use of American force abroad.* -OS
January 3, 2026 at 5:54 PM
Every journalist rushing to the example of Noriega is a good demonstration of why journalists are shit historians-- two seconds of historical thought would remind you the War on Drugs was *not a great example of life legitimate and lawful use of American force abroad.* -OS
They going to park Maduro with Ghislaine in Bryan?
January 3, 2026 at 5:26 PM
They going to park Maduro with Ghislaine in Bryan?
Georgia will disappoint you because you know they know better. Mississippi will never disappoint you because you know they have no better angels.
January 2, 2026 at 12:53 AM
Georgia will disappoint you because you know they know better. Mississippi will never disappoint you because you know they have no better angels.
I, as a matter of principle, never want Alabama to win anything.
January 1, 2026 at 9:43 PM
I, as a matter of principle, never want Alabama to win anything.