Lucienne Cummings
@lucimcummings.bsky.social
Writer of tiny things. Fiction: NFFD, Mslexia, Neither Fish Nor Foul, Funny Pearls, Trash Cat Lit. Gags etc: Breaking The News, Noising Up, Newsjack. She/her
https://luciennecummings.com/
https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/lucienne-cummings/
https://luciennecummings.com/
https://www.comedy.co.uk/people/lucienne-cummings/
Pinned
We're so excited to share our first print anthology, available to purchase for only £9/ $11.50 🦝
Please consider grabbing a copy - we're raising money for
@WildlifeTrusts
and have 27 truly exceptional short fictions for you to enjoy on actual paper 💜
mybook.to/WhatComesToL...
Please consider grabbing a copy - we're raising money for
@WildlifeTrusts
and have 27 truly exceptional short fictions for you to enjoy on actual paper 💜
mybook.to/WhatComesToL...
You need this anthology because:
1) The stories are great. (Yes I wrote one of them but I've read them all.)
2) Your local wildlife will love you for it.
3) It's a distraction from all the other stuff.
#writingcommunity
@the-wildlifetrusts.bsky.social
#shortfiction
1) The stories are great. (Yes I wrote one of them but I've read them all.)
2) Your local wildlife will love you for it.
3) It's a distraction from all the other stuff.
#writingcommunity
@the-wildlifetrusts.bsky.social
#shortfiction
Finally! Scandalous news breaks when I have time off and uninterrupted access to rolling news coverage.
*microwaves popcorn*
#Andrew
*microwaves popcorn*
#Andrew
a woman with red hair is wearing a green dress and a necklace with pink flowers
Alt: Bridgerton's Lady Whistledown looks on and sips her drink.
media.tenor.com
February 19, 2026 at 12:57 PM
Finally! Scandalous news breaks when I have time off and uninterrupted access to rolling news coverage.
*microwaves popcorn*
#Andrew
*microwaves popcorn*
#Andrew
We go live to Buckingham Palace...
#Andrew
#Andrew
a man is holding a red fire extinguisher that says " i 'll just put this over by the rest of the fire "
ALT: a man is holding a red fire extinguisher that says " i 'll just put this over by the rest of the fire "
media.tenor.com
February 19, 2026 at 12:49 PM
We go live to Buckingham Palace...
#Andrew
#Andrew
As a student of medieval (and later) history, I would point out that this isn't the first time that a member of the English/British royal family has been arrested.
At some points (I'm looking at you, the Tudors) if you didn't have a record, you didn't want it enough. ;)
#Andrew
At some points (I'm looking at you, the Tudors) if you didn't have a record, you didn't want it enough. ;)
#Andrew
February 19, 2026 at 12:23 PM
As a student of medieval (and later) history, I would point out that this isn't the first time that a member of the English/British royal family has been arrested.
At some points (I'm looking at you, the Tudors) if you didn't have a record, you didn't want it enough. ;)
#Andrew
At some points (I'm looking at you, the Tudors) if you didn't have a record, you didn't want it enough. ;)
#Andrew
*enjoys spectacle of BBC reporter at Buck House reading out King's solemn Andrew statement, while tourists jump up and down and wave cheerily behind her*
February 19, 2026 at 12:06 PM
*enjoys spectacle of BBC reporter at Buck House reading out King's solemn Andrew statement, while tourists jump up and down and wave cheerily behind her*
I can't grammar in a hurry! It's all too too much for a woman in her 50s in a small seaside town in the northeast of England.
A man in is 60s was arrested today, at his birthday dinner at Pizza Express Woking.
#TooLateForBTN
#TooLateForBTN
February 19, 2026 at 11:47 AM
I can't grammar in a hurry! It's all too too much for a woman in her 50s in a small seaside town in the northeast of England.
A man in his 60s was arrested today, at his birthday dinner in Pizza Express, Woking.
#TooLateForBTN
#Andrew
#TooLateForBTN
#Andrew
February 19, 2026 at 11:45 AM
A man in his 60s was arrested today, at his birthday dinner in Pizza Express, Woking.
#TooLateForBTN
#Andrew
#TooLateForBTN
#Andrew
A man in is 60s was arrested today, at his birthday dinner at Pizza Express Woking.
#TooLateForBTN
#TooLateForBTN
February 19, 2026 at 11:43 AM
A man in is 60s was arrested today, at his birthday dinner at Pizza Express Woking.
#TooLateForBTN
#TooLateForBTN
February 19, 2026 at 10:25 AM
Reposted by Lucienne Cummings
Here They Are! 💜
The fifteen spangly new Trash Family contributing their amazing stories to our upcoming Spring Preloved Stories issue.
Be there on the 28th 🦝
@ekmacdonald.bsky.social @noranadj.bsky.social @tracierenee.bsky.social @christinaltudor.bsky.social @lousie-w.bsky.social
1/2
The fifteen spangly new Trash Family contributing their amazing stories to our upcoming Spring Preloved Stories issue.
Be there on the 28th 🦝
@ekmacdonald.bsky.social @noranadj.bsky.social @tracierenee.bsky.social @christinaltudor.bsky.social @lousie-w.bsky.social
1/2
February 18, 2026 at 9:42 AM
Here They Are! 💜
The fifteen spangly new Trash Family contributing their amazing stories to our upcoming Spring Preloved Stories issue.
Be there on the 28th 🦝
@ekmacdonald.bsky.social @noranadj.bsky.social @tracierenee.bsky.social @christinaltudor.bsky.social @lousie-w.bsky.social
1/2
The fifteen spangly new Trash Family contributing their amazing stories to our upcoming Spring Preloved Stories issue.
Be there on the 28th 🦝
@ekmacdonald.bsky.social @noranadj.bsky.social @tracierenee.bsky.social @christinaltudor.bsky.social @lousie-w.bsky.social
1/2
Happy Pancake Day to all who celebrate!
We had ours early, and now I'm sugar crashing when I should be writing...
We had ours early, and now I'm sugar crashing when I should be writing...
a cartoon drawing of a sugar cube with an angry face drawn on it
Alt: a cartoon drawing of a sugar cube with an angry face drawn on it
media.tenor.com
February 17, 2026 at 5:57 PM
Happy Pancake Day to all who celebrate!
We had ours early, and now I'm sugar crashing when I should be writing...
We had ours early, and now I'm sugar crashing when I should be writing...
Booked!
Spanners/hammer/screwdrivers ready, along with a large box of plasters and ambulance service on speed dial.*
*This is not my first tool-related rodeo.
Spanners/hammer/screwdrivers ready, along with a large box of plasters and ambulance service on speed dial.*
*This is not my first tool-related rodeo.
I’m running a one-off Arvon online masterclass next month… Come along and we’ll take the spanners to some comedy. March 27th. Link here:
www.arvon.org/writing-cour...
www.arvon.org/writing-cour...
February 17, 2026 at 5:02 PM
Booked!
Spanners/hammer/screwdrivers ready, along with a large box of plasters and ambulance service on speed dial.*
*This is not my first tool-related rodeo.
Spanners/hammer/screwdrivers ready, along with a large box of plasters and ambulance service on speed dial.*
*This is not my first tool-related rodeo.
Reposted by Lucienne Cummings
I earn a little from my books but not my podcast or from sharing my work online. People say my posts make them feel calm, which is worth a lot to me. Surviving as a creative is increasingly hard. Only if you can, support me here: www.patreon.com/cw/MirandaKe... you’ll get lovely exclusive content! ❤️
Miranda Keeling | Patreon
Observations of everyday life. Mindful writing exercises.
www.patreon.com
February 13, 2026 at 7:10 PM
I earn a little from my books but not my podcast or from sharing my work online. People say my posts make them feel calm, which is worth a lot to me. Surviving as a creative is increasingly hard. Only if you can, support me here: www.patreon.com/cw/MirandaKe... you’ll get lovely exclusive content! ❤️
Reposted by Lucienne Cummings
Final day for submissions! We are open till 23:59 TODAY, Sunday 15 Feb. Thanks to everyone who has submitted so far 😊
Submissions to our anthology (up to 500 words on the theme of BRIDGES) & our Microfiction comp (up to 100 words, no theme) are now OPEN until 15 Feb. Our anthology editors & judges are poised ready! You can read more here: www.nationalflashfictionday.co.uk
a cartoon duck is writing in a notebook with a pencil
ALT: a cartoon duck is writing in a notebook with a pencil
media.tenor.com
February 15, 2026 at 10:04 AM
Final day for submissions! We are open till 23:59 TODAY, Sunday 15 Feb. Thanks to everyone who has submitted so far 😊
For anyone else who missed that gold medal skating routine:
February 13, 2026 at 11:06 PM
For anyone else who missed that gold medal skating routine:
It would have been good to actually see the gold medal-winning men's ice skating routine...
February 13, 2026 at 10:04 PM
It would have been good to actually see the gold medal-winning men's ice skating routine...
Reposted by Lucienne Cummings
Our spring reprints call closes tomorrow - but, we open for microfiction subs on 1st March 🦝
50-175 words, any genre, beautifully brief
All the details and to submit here:
trashcatlit.com/microfiction...
#submissioncalls
#microfiction
50-175 words, any genre, beautifully brief
All the details and to submit here:
trashcatlit.com/microfiction...
#submissioncalls
#microfiction
February 13, 2026 at 9:35 AM
Our spring reprints call closes tomorrow - but, we open for microfiction subs on 1st March 🦝
50-175 words, any genre, beautifully brief
All the details and to submit here:
trashcatlit.com/microfiction...
#submissioncalls
#microfiction
50-175 words, any genre, beautifully brief
All the details and to submit here:
trashcatlit.com/microfiction...
#submissioncalls
#microfiction
Reposted by Lucienne Cummings
Two days left of our preloved stories call🦝
Let's go back to last year's reprint call & this absolute stonker from @jupiterjonz.bsky.social.
Gritty and authentic, with a perfect voice.
Go read and listen to Mac and Marky:
trashcatlit.com/mac-and-marky/
Send us yours:
trashcatlit.com/spring-2026/
Let's go back to last year's reprint call & this absolute stonker from @jupiterjonz.bsky.social.
Gritty and authentic, with a perfect voice.
Go read and listen to Mac and Marky:
trashcatlit.com/mac-and-marky/
Send us yours:
trashcatlit.com/spring-2026/
February 12, 2026 at 10:46 AM
Two days left of our preloved stories call🦝
Let's go back to last year's reprint call & this absolute stonker from @jupiterjonz.bsky.social.
Gritty and authentic, with a perfect voice.
Go read and listen to Mac and Marky:
trashcatlit.com/mac-and-marky/
Send us yours:
trashcatlit.com/spring-2026/
Let's go back to last year's reprint call & this absolute stonker from @jupiterjonz.bsky.social.
Gritty and authentic, with a perfect voice.
Go read and listen to Mac and Marky:
trashcatlit.com/mac-and-marky/
Send us yours:
trashcatlit.com/spring-2026/
Trash Cat Lit is an excellent publication, and a fantastic community. Can definitely recommend subbing!
We are over halfway through this sub call for reprints.
Open to anyone who is not already part of TCL 🦝
Still room in the recycling bin before we meet our caps.
trashcatlit.com/spring-2026/
Open to anyone who is not already part of TCL 🦝
Still room in the recycling bin before we meet our caps.
trashcatlit.com/spring-2026/
February 9, 2026 at 2:12 PM
Trash Cat Lit is an excellent publication, and a fantastic community. Can definitely recommend subbing!
Reposted by Lucienne Cummings
Subs to NFFD’s anthology (up to 500 words) on the theme of BRIDGES & entries to our micro comp (up to 100 words, no theme) close a week today (15 Feb). Cash prizes for micro comp & 2 authors from our anthology will receive prizes too! You can read more here: www.nationalflashfictionday.co.uk
a cartoon of homer simpson talking to marge simpson with the words hurry up below him
ALT: a cartoon of homer simpson talking to marge simpson with the words hurry up below him
media.tenor.com
February 8, 2026 at 10:47 AM
Subs to NFFD’s anthology (up to 500 words) on the theme of BRIDGES & entries to our micro comp (up to 100 words, no theme) close a week today (15 Feb). Cash prizes for micro comp & 2 authors from our anthology will receive prizes too! You can read more here: www.nationalflashfictionday.co.uk
Reposted by Lucienne Cummings
Still a week to send something for @natflashfictionday.bsky.social anthology. Yes, you’ve got time to make your story sing. Yes, you’ve got time to work up that idea tickling your writing mind. Yes, me & @karjon.bsky.social can’t wait to read your #FlashFiction. All details here - please share👇🏼
Submissions to our anthology (up to 500 words on the theme of BRIDGES) & our Microfiction comp (up to 100 words, no theme) are now OPEN until 15 Feb. Our anthology editors & judges are poised ready! You can read more here: www.nationalflashfictionday.co.uk
a cartoon duck is writing in a notebook with a pencil
ALT: a cartoon duck is writing in a notebook with a pencil
media.tenor.com
February 8, 2026 at 7:37 AM
Still a week to send something for @natflashfictionday.bsky.social anthology. Yes, you’ve got time to make your story sing. Yes, you’ve got time to work up that idea tickling your writing mind. Yes, me & @karjon.bsky.social can’t wait to read your #FlashFiction. All details here - please share👇🏼
Finally managed to polish and submit some things. Really tough to get going this year.
a turtle is crawling on the ground in the sand .
Alt: A tortoise is crawling very slowly on the ground in the sand.
media.tenor.com
February 7, 2026 at 5:31 PM
Finally managed to polish and submit some things. Really tough to get going this year.
“I didn’t have rich parents, a childhood bedroom to return to or an infatuated billionaire intent on marrying me. Either writing had to make me money or I couldn’t do it. “
I wrote about making a living from writing in the new economy.
substack.com/home/post/p-...
I wrote about making a living from writing in the new economy.
substack.com/home/post/p-...
Please sir can I have some more
On making a living as a writer
substack.com
February 7, 2026 at 3:46 PM
Reposted by Lucienne Cummings
This took me fucking ages
![1
[Scene is a GREGGS interior. A lone MAN, the only customer in the shop, is standing at counter]
MAN:
Please can I have a sausage roll.
2
GREGGS SHOP ASSISTANT:
Certainly sir
[She pulls a leaver on the panini machine and WOOSH the man disappears through a trapdoor].
Whoosh
3
[The MAN appears through a chute in an underground bunker. A voice from off-scene greets him]:
Welcome, friend
4
[We see the voice is of a military-looking resistance COMMANDER with a moustache]
COMMANDER:
You said "please can I have" instead of “can I get”…
So now you're one of us.
5
MAN:
W-where am I ...?
[We see him looking at a hi tech UNDERGROUND MILITARY BUNKER - it has resistance vibes, and has lots of screens with maps etc]
6
COMMANDER:
You've joined the resistance…
...against people saying things all American.
7
COMMANDER:
We are an underground network of sleeper agents poised to have a right go at young people the moment they say "mom" or "bangs”.
8
LIEUTENANT [Staring at screen]:
Agent 244 has just given a Zoomer in Halifax the “could/couldn't care less" speech, sir
COMMANDER:
Very good
9
[Show the map of the UK with digital pop ups on it saying ‘GOTTEN’, ‘ZEE’, ‘MATH’ etc
COMMANDER:
You may have heard our name... We are...
10
COMMANDER:
...the Fight Against New Yankee Pronunciations and Americanisms Corrupting the King's English!
11
[Show the military command center panel. It says on the wall in big metal letters]:
F.A.N.Y.P.A.C.K.E.
12
MAN
You've called yourselves the 'Fanny Pack'
COMMANDER:
We didn't spot the acronym
[/end]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreianaxlutkih4rysx6l37rru2cic64wiirt4fd2jss5xlxsulixlou@jpeg)
February 2, 2026 at 10:25 PM
This took me fucking ages
No coincidence that his claims come just as his latest novel is almost finished...
Ugh.
Will not be reading.
www.theguardian.com/books/2026/f...
Ugh.
Will not be reading.
www.theguardian.com/books/2026/f...
Neil Gaiman claims sexual assault allegations are result of ‘smear campaign’
Author says accusations ‘spread and amplified’ by people more interested in ‘outrage and getting clicks’
www.theguardian.com
February 2, 2026 at 9:53 PM
No coincidence that his claims come just as his latest novel is almost finished...
Ugh.
Will not be reading.
www.theguardian.com/books/2026/f...
Ugh.
Will not be reading.
www.theguardian.com/books/2026/f...
