coming back on here because i need an outlet. i realise I've been pretty behind on my journaling/reflection

felt another wave of overwhelming emotions today & it seems like my executive functions are inhibited. in fact, i’ve been feeling this way for quite some time now. I am someone with a lot of aspirations in life but now it feels like i’m trying to run a marathon with balls and chains tied to my feet

started meditation today. it did help to come my anxious thoughts but i think the next step in getting past this is understanding what these thoughts are and where they come from

every time i get anxious i go on a stalking spree just so i feel like im in control of my relationship and i’ve been meaning to stop that

this also led me to wonder about my current relationship. i’m suddenly doing all these things to better myself only because i didn’t wanna let my partner down. so why is it that everything i do has to be motivated by external factors and not out of my own willingness to improve?

been trying to cut down how much i’m using tiktok and it’s only working because i’m keeping myself busy by meeting people and going for dance. i spent the day at home working and i found myself reaching out to my phone whenever im bored, intermittently opening the clock app.

i need to stop indulging in social media content and start engaging in useful material TT

gotta be frank, ever since i started being hopelessly addicted to social media, my command of the english language had deteriorated tenfolds…. reading doesn’t help either thanks to how short my attention span is now, leading to a lack of critical reflection that sparks the activation of the brain

honestly i’m not sure what the true benefit to using bsky from a critical standpoint cuz it’s just gonna enlarge the filter bubble making the echo chamber more filtered and focused….