Larry Beerman
@larrybermanspeaks.bsky.social
Just a humble god fearing man doing my best to rein in my obstinate son and unfaithful wife!
Active Alcoholic, Sales Savant, Cloud Engineer, Baseball Coach, and former Lieutenant Colonel 🇺🇸
Active Alcoholic, Sales Savant, Cloud Engineer, Baseball Coach, and former Lieutenant Colonel 🇺🇸
December 14, 2024 at 10:06 PM
December 13, 2024 at 9:12 PM
My wife was just denied coverage on a mammogram her doctor ordered because she didn't get a prior-authorization first. Hahaha, what an idiot!
#dumbwife #proinsurancecompany #ihatemyson
#dumbwife #proinsurancecompany #ihatemyson
December 12, 2024 at 8:14 PM
My wife was just denied coverage on a mammogram her doctor ordered because she didn't get a prior-authorization first. Hahaha, what an idiot!
#dumbwife #proinsurancecompany #ihatemyson
#dumbwife #proinsurancecompany #ihatemyson
December 9, 2024 at 4:24 PM
Ok fine, I’ll admit it. I told my wife my big stupid and fat son ate her leftover tiramisu, but it was me. I was 13 Coors deep watching Moana 2, when a pang of hunger struck me like an earthquake. Anyway, my son is still an ingrate.
#hungylarry #moana #dumbson
#hungylarry #moana #dumbson
December 6, 2024 at 4:28 PM
Ok fine, I’ll admit it. I told my wife my big stupid and fat son ate her leftover tiramisu, but it was me. I was 13 Coors deep watching Moana 2, when a pang of hunger struck me like an earthquake. Anyway, my son is still an ingrate.
#hungylarry #moana #dumbson
#hungylarry #moana #dumbson
And it’s one more day up in the canyon
And it’s one more night in Hollywood
If you think that you could punish my fat son
I wish you would 🎶
And it’s one more night in Hollywood
If you think that you could punish my fat son
I wish you would 🎶
December 5, 2024 at 8:40 PM
And it’s one more day up in the canyon
And it’s one more night in Hollywood
If you think that you could punish my fat son
I wish you would 🎶
And it’s one more night in Hollywood
If you think that you could punish my fat son
I wish you would 🎶
Reposted by Larry Beerman
I just finished my own racketeering trial. The verdict:
My son: big, fat, dumb, guilty. Sentenced to letting me down his entire life.
My wife: chubby, mean, lazy, guilty. Sentenced to a covenant of marriage with a man who’ll never get a job!
#goodfather #dumbson #badwife
My son: big, fat, dumb, guilty. Sentenced to letting me down his entire life.
My wife: chubby, mean, lazy, guilty. Sentenced to a covenant of marriage with a man who’ll never get a job!
#goodfather #dumbson #badwife
December 3, 2024 at 6:32 PM
I just finished my own racketeering trial. The verdict:
My son: big, fat, dumb, guilty. Sentenced to letting me down his entire life.
My wife: chubby, mean, lazy, guilty. Sentenced to a covenant of marriage with a man who’ll never get a job!
#goodfather #dumbson #badwife
My son: big, fat, dumb, guilty. Sentenced to letting me down his entire life.
My wife: chubby, mean, lazy, guilty. Sentenced to a covenant of marriage with a man who’ll never get a job!
#goodfather #dumbson #badwife
My fat son says I lack heart. I said at least mine can successfully pump oxygen to my limbs you roly-poly ingrate! One more bag
of chips and yours might give out!
He looked like he wanted to fight me but he couldn’t lift up his bean bag-ass in time. Dad wins again!
#dumbson #heartdisease
of chips and yours might give out!
He looked like he wanted to fight me but he couldn’t lift up his bean bag-ass in time. Dad wins again!
#dumbson #heartdisease
December 4, 2024 at 5:09 AM
My fat son says I lack heart. I said at least mine can successfully pump oxygen to my limbs you roly-poly ingrate! One more bag
of chips and yours might give out!
He looked like he wanted to fight me but he couldn’t lift up his bean bag-ass in time. Dad wins again!
#dumbson #heartdisease
of chips and yours might give out!
He looked like he wanted to fight me but he couldn’t lift up his bean bag-ass in time. Dad wins again!
#dumbson #heartdisease
I heard my big fat son yell “MUSSSTAARD” way before Kendrick. He won’t eat his 7 nightly hot dogs without it!
#dumbson #kendrick #sadfather
#dumbson #kendrick #sadfather
December 3, 2024 at 12:13 AM
I heard my big fat son yell “MUSSSTAARD” way before Kendrick. He won’t eat his 7 nightly hot dogs without it!
#dumbson #kendrick #sadfather
#dumbson #kendrick #sadfather
My monstrous fat son walked in the house with a wool coat on and I said, hey, who let the wooly mammoth inside! My wife laughed so hard I had to turn her on and off again. Relax honey.
#dumbson #fatson #simplewife
#dumbson #fatson #simplewife
December 2, 2024 at 3:26 PM
My monstrous fat son walked in the house with a wool coat on and I said, hey, who let the wooly mammoth inside! My wife laughed so hard I had to turn her on and off again. Relax honey.
#dumbson #fatson #simplewife
#dumbson #fatson #simplewife
Nowadays people use too many spices and seasonings on their steak. You gotta let the meat be the star, otherwise you’ll end up like my big, pudgy, fat-boy son. He has the self-discipline of Chris Farley!
#dumbson #damnhesbig #whaleboy
#dumbson #damnhesbig #whaleboy
December 2, 2024 at 3:57 AM
Nowadays people use too many spices and seasonings on their steak. You gotta let the meat be the star, otherwise you’ll end up like my big, pudgy, fat-boy son. He has the self-discipline of Chris Farley!
#dumbson #damnhesbig #whaleboy
#dumbson #damnhesbig #whaleboy
With my wife acting as a spotter, I lifted up my porcine son by his overall straps and spanked his fat ass until he spit it out. That fork is valuable! Larry Sr. personally bartered with Chief Aponi for it!
Our monstrous, oafish boy just bit straight through my mother's prized salad fork. That fork's been in the Berman family ever since my ancestor, Larry Primo Berman, freed it from the first road in the colonies. Oh, shit. I forgot. I'm supposed to call 911. He's choking.
#mysonmightdie #dumbson
#mysonmightdie #dumbson
December 1, 2024 at 5:18 PM
With my wife acting as a spotter, I lifted up my porcine son by his overall straps and spanked his fat ass until he spit it out. That fork is valuable! Larry Sr. personally bartered with Chief Aponi for it!
Our monstrous, oafish boy just bit straight through my mother's prized salad fork. That fork's been in the Berman family ever since my ancestor, Larry Primo Berman, freed it from the first road in the colonies. Oh, shit. I forgot. I'm supposed to call 911. He's choking.
#mysonmightdie #dumbson
#mysonmightdie #dumbson
December 1, 2024 at 12:40 AM
Our monstrous, oafish boy just bit straight through my mother's prized salad fork. That fork's been in the Berman family ever since my ancestor, Larry Primo Berman, freed it from the first road in the colonies. Oh, shit. I forgot. I'm supposed to call 911. He's choking.
#mysonmightdie #dumbson
#mysonmightdie #dumbson
I’ve officially decided to end my sponsorship with Wegmans. I can’t say anything more right now because of the lawsuit but I assure you my loyal sycophants, I will have justice!
#FreeLarry #2DaysWorthOfCoors #IdiotSon
#FreeLarry #2DaysWorthOfCoors #IdiotSon
November 30, 2024 at 3:39 PM
I’ve officially decided to end my sponsorship with Wegmans. I can’t say anything more right now because of the lawsuit but I assure you my loyal sycophants, I will have justice!
#FreeLarry #2DaysWorthOfCoors #IdiotSon
#FreeLarry #2DaysWorthOfCoors #IdiotSon
My timid church-mouse wife is sniffing the kitchen floor on all fours like a dog. Dammit, I think my fat son spilled crumbs again.
#simplewife #dumbson
#simplewife #dumbson
November 30, 2024 at 1:09 AM
My timid church-mouse wife is sniffing the kitchen floor on all fours like a dog. Dammit, I think my fat son spilled crumbs again.
#simplewife #dumbson
#simplewife #dumbson