Before replayable recordings were invented, nobody knew that their voice sounded different to other people

This is so funny to me. “Gosh, what a bone-headed move that was, killing that once in a generation musician, huh? Really messed that one up didn’t I”

Craving a sloppy Joe rn, minus the Joe.

Actually hol up, fuck it, Joe get in here too man.

Cars and I just made it to round 30, BO2 Zombies on Town without jug and only hitting the mystery box twice each, get on our level. Our wives are 10’s.

Is there a Mister Ogynist? I’d feel more comfortable talking to him.

I need to get into beekeeping

Biden: Look folks the fact is, we can’t…. we don’t….. look. Here’s the deal. Americans don’t tackle the fish right?

Trump: There are 10 billion Gautamalans attacking the Lincoln Memorial right now

remember, it’s important to shift into an entirely gay guy economy

Spike Longhorn

There are so many bridges in this country that are dedicated to veterans and troopers and shi. Like why are we acting like we only built the bridge cuz a corporal died? Like we detected the structure in their honor. Like bruv, we were totally gonna build the bridge anyway.

The discomfort of swallowing a large pebble

Me while my history teacher is discussing the treaty of Versailles: “oh no. This will have dire political, social, and economic ramifications for post war Germany” (I read ahead in the textbook to make him think I’m smart)

Sex as a word is too short to be the word for that act. 3 letters, 1 syllable. Should be at least 4 letters and 2 syllables