Just witnessed a man steal a sausage roll from Tesco.
March 6, 2025 at 9:41 AM
Just witnessed a man steal a sausage roll from Tesco.
Band name idea: Gene Hackman’s Dog.
February 27, 2025 at 12:28 PM
Band name idea: Gene Hackman’s Dog.
Possibly my best ever joke and I’ll be lucky to get a thumbs up.
February 25, 2025 at 8:53 AM
Possibly my best ever joke and I’ll be lucky to get a thumbs up.
Ultra-Catholic crank Candace Owens is trying to prove that Emmanuel Macron’s wife is actually a man.
The process is called ‘Transubstantiation’.
The process is called ‘Transubstantiation’.
February 25, 2025 at 8:53 AM
Ultra-Catholic crank Candace Owens is trying to prove that Emmanuel Macron’s wife is actually a man.
The process is called ‘Transubstantiation’.
The process is called ‘Transubstantiation’.
Remember when updates used to be cool?
No?
Ok, nevermind.
No?
Ok, nevermind.
February 12, 2025 at 12:20 PM
Remember when updates used to be cool?
No?
Ok, nevermind.
No?
Ok, nevermind.
When we, finally, are able to fly to Mars…the first passengers should be people in Teams meetings who put up a slide before reading it out word for word.
February 6, 2025 at 5:45 PM
When we, finally, are able to fly to Mars…the first passengers should be people in Teams meetings who put up a slide before reading it out word for word.
Embarrassed door handles
January 31, 2025 at 5:57 PM
Embarrassed door handles
Elon Muskellini.
Only took me four days.
Only took me four days.
January 24, 2025 at 1:30 PM
Elon Muskellini.
Only took me four days.
Only took me four days.
This is a good bloosk.
January 18, 2025 at 11:19 AM
This is a good bloosk.
No Premier League Clubs have broken financial fair play rules for 2023/24, an official statement reveals today.
A spokesman said:
“Everton will be docked 8 points, however.”
A spokesman said:
“Everton will be docked 8 points, however.”
January 14, 2025 at 10:54 AM
No Premier League Clubs have broken financial fair play rules for 2023/24, an official statement reveals today.
A spokesman said:
“Everton will be docked 8 points, however.”
A spokesman said:
“Everton will be docked 8 points, however.”
Comedy roasting makes me wince.
January 6, 2025 at 8:05 PM
Comedy roasting makes me wince.
The gym was so packed with people tonight, more packed than a jar of packed things.
January 6, 2025 at 7:43 PM
The gym was so packed with people tonight, more packed than a jar of packed things.
Facebook, with its infinite things about stuff I hate, has now finally turned into something as shit as people used to say it was.
January 5, 2025 at 7:58 PM
Facebook, with its infinite things about stuff I hate, has now finally turned into something as shit as people used to say it was.
I don’t laugh when I read it but the end-of-year Private Eye podcast certainly did make me laugh several times.
- Which economist wrote Wealth of Nations?
- Milton Keynes
- Which economist wrote Wealth of Nations?
- Milton Keynes
January 4, 2025 at 4:05 PM
I don’t laugh when I read it but the end-of-year Private Eye podcast certainly did make me laugh several times.
- Which economist wrote Wealth of Nations?
- Milton Keynes
- Which economist wrote Wealth of Nations?
- Milton Keynes
I thought “I’ll purloin the last six pistachios in the bowl” unaware that they’d been left precisely because they were unopened.
Curse this day.
Curse this day.
January 3, 2025 at 11:00 PM
I thought “I’ll purloin the last six pistachios in the bowl” unaware that they’d been left precisely because they were unopened.
Curse this day.
Curse this day.
I would do unspeakable things for some apple crumble right now.
Except, that is, drive to the shop to get one.
Except, that is, drive to the shop to get one.
January 3, 2025 at 8:00 PM
I would do unspeakable things for some apple crumble right now.
Except, that is, drive to the shop to get one.
Except, that is, drive to the shop to get one.
I think Fontaines DC have cornered the market for earworms. Their choruses rattle round my brain all frickin day.
January 1, 2025 at 6:19 PM
I think Fontaines DC have cornered the market for earworms. Their choruses rattle round my brain all frickin day.
I have been to the gym and listened to the first hour of Allen Carr’s quit caping book. He tells more jokes when he’s on telly.
January 1, 2025 at 4:25 PM
I have been to the gym and listened to the first hour of Allen Carr’s quit caping book. He tells more jokes when he’s on telly.
And Lo, when the Shepherds did gaze upon the Baby Jesus in his manger; they did, as one, remark on his beauty, innocence and freshness.
“That’ll be the Xtra strong mints”, did sayeth Mary.
“That’ll be the Xtra strong mints”, did sayeth Mary.
December 27, 2024 at 1:41 PM
And Lo, when the Shepherds did gaze upon the Baby Jesus in his manger; they did, as one, remark on his beauty, innocence and freshness.
“That’ll be the Xtra strong mints”, did sayeth Mary.
“That’ll be the Xtra strong mints”, did sayeth Mary.
Stansted remains the worst airport.
After negotiating the Yellowbrick Road on the way to Gates, which includes attacks on all sides by grinning perfume pedlars, I pay £10 for a stingy breakfast.
I ask for sweetener and a teenage John Lydon sneers:
“There’s sugar, if you are so inclined.”
After negotiating the Yellowbrick Road on the way to Gates, which includes attacks on all sides by grinning perfume pedlars, I pay £10 for a stingy breakfast.
I ask for sweetener and a teenage John Lydon sneers:
“There’s sugar, if you are so inclined.”
December 26, 2024 at 7:14 AM
Stansted remains the worst airport.
After negotiating the Yellowbrick Road on the way to Gates, which includes attacks on all sides by grinning perfume pedlars, I pay £10 for a stingy breakfast.
I ask for sweetener and a teenage John Lydon sneers:
“There’s sugar, if you are so inclined.”
After negotiating the Yellowbrick Road on the way to Gates, which includes attacks on all sides by grinning perfume pedlars, I pay £10 for a stingy breakfast.
I ask for sweetener and a teenage John Lydon sneers:
“There’s sugar, if you are so inclined.”
I am at Stansted Airport for a flight to Belfast.
The security check took much longer than usual as a scan revealed I contain “mostly stuffing and Quality Street”.
The security check took much longer than usual as a scan revealed I contain “mostly stuffing and Quality Street”.
December 26, 2024 at 6:46 AM
I am at Stansted Airport for a flight to Belfast.
The security check took much longer than usual as a scan revealed I contain “mostly stuffing and Quality Street”.
The security check took much longer than usual as a scan revealed I contain “mostly stuffing and Quality Street”.
Started seeing a few scams on here. Oh dear.
December 25, 2024 at 10:27 AM
Started seeing a few scams on here. Oh dear.
Oh dear me, what a disaster.
I forgot to get myrrh.
I forgot to get myrrh.
December 25, 2024 at 12:33 AM
Oh dear me, what a disaster.
I forgot to get myrrh.
I forgot to get myrrh.
Last Christmas, I gave you my scary
But the very next day, you moved in with Ray
But the very next day, you moved in with Ray
December 23, 2024 at 8:55 AM
Last Christmas, I gave you my scary
But the very next day, you moved in with Ray
But the very next day, you moved in with Ray