John Lichman
@johnlichman.bsky.social
noted idiot savant, failed film writer and podcaster
“Why is the new Miike not getting US distribution” dawg we stopped asking that in 2017 and that was nine films ago excluding First Love
December 29, 2025 at 9:24 PM
“Why is the new Miike not getting US distribution” dawg we stopped asking that in 2017 and that was nine films ago excluding First Love
Serenity (‘19) is a science fiction film and I demand the turbo nerds at tmdb label it as such. Vulture Cinematrix No. 643: Dec 29, 2025
I got 7/9 Correct
Score: 2034
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Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
I got 7/9 Correct
Score: 2034
🟩🟩🟩
🟩⬜🟩
🟩⬜🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
December 29, 2025 at 7:24 PM
Serenity (‘19) is a science fiction film and I demand the turbo nerds at tmdb label it as such. Vulture Cinematrix No. 643: Dec 29, 2025
I got 7/9 Correct
Score: 2034
🟩🟩🟩
🟩⬜🟩
🟩⬜🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
I got 7/9 Correct
Score: 2034
🟩🟩🟩
🟩⬜🟩
🟩⬜🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
*drops to knees* BILGE STOP BEING RIGHT www.vulture.com/article/movi...
December 29, 2025 at 4:33 PM
*drops to knees* BILGE STOP BEING RIGHT www.vulture.com/article/movi...
an accidental double feature I had last night: Angels in the Outfield ('94) and then the press conference where BYU sacrificed two pop tarts and started eating their cooked corpses while a third pop tart ran for its life
December 29, 2025 at 12:25 AM
an accidental double feature I had last night: Angels in the Outfield ('94) and then the press conference where BYU sacrificed two pop tarts and started eating their cooked corpses while a third pop tart ran for its life
"why is it called the secret agent if he wasn't a secret agent"
-overheard at the end of the secret agent at an amc and why I love going to the movies
-overheard at the end of the secret agent at an amc and why I love going to the movies
December 28, 2025 at 5:48 AM
"why is it called the secret agent if he wasn't a secret agent"
-overheard at the end of the secret agent at an amc and why I love going to the movies
-overheard at the end of the secret agent at an amc and why I love going to the movies
I wish Cooper had the foresight to make IS THIS THING ON 2 at the same time and just be a tight 90 minutes of Jill (Jordan Jensen) shooting a YouTube special about having the weirdest month and then learning a guy doing open mics had an apartment on 12th and 6th Ave in a nice building.
December 28, 2025 at 4:06 AM
I wish Cooper had the foresight to make IS THIS THING ON 2 at the same time and just be a tight 90 minutes of Jill (Jordan Jensen) shooting a YouTube special about having the weirdest month and then learning a guy doing open mics had an apartment on 12th and 6th Ave in a nice building.
Absolutely thought Hanna was an airport novel. Vulture Cinematrix No. 640: Dec 26, 2025
I got 8/9 Correct
Score: 2339
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Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
I got 8/9 Correct
Score: 2339
⬜🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
December 26, 2025 at 8:48 PM
Absolutely thought Hanna was an airport novel. Vulture Cinematrix No. 640: Dec 26, 2025
I got 8/9 Correct
Score: 2339
⬜🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
I got 8/9 Correct
Score: 2339
⬜🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
ANACONDA (‘25): The sign of a Sony movie in the 2000s was a character would exclusively use VAIO laptops and their awful
mini disc system. Today it is a character saying “I was on four episodes of SWAT”
and being poorly photoshopped into a poster. Also up to (but not more than) three licensed songs.
mini disc system. Today it is a character saying “I was on four episodes of SWAT”
and being poorly photoshopped into a poster. Also up to (but not more than) three licensed songs.
December 26, 2025 at 7:36 PM
ANACONDA (‘25): The sign of a Sony movie in the 2000s was a character would exclusively use VAIO laptops and their awful
mini disc system. Today it is a character saying “I was on four episodes of SWAT”
and being poorly photoshopped into a poster. Also up to (but not more than) three licensed songs.
mini disc system. Today it is a character saying “I was on four episodes of SWAT”
and being poorly photoshopped into a poster. Also up to (but not more than) three licensed songs.
before there were rubies the size of your head there was evil oil Michael Caine. and my screw up was thinking a certain JC comedy was during Christmas. Vulture Cinematrix No. 639: Dec 25, 2025
I got 8/9 Correct
Score: 2246
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Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
I got 8/9 Correct
Score: 2246
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
🟩⬜🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
December 25, 2025 at 10:29 PM
before there were rubies the size of your head there was evil oil Michael Caine. and my screw up was thinking a certain JC comedy was during Christmas. Vulture Cinematrix No. 639: Dec 25, 2025
I got 8/9 Correct
Score: 2246
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
🟩⬜🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
I got 8/9 Correct
Score: 2246
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
🟩⬜🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
Reposted by John Lichman
I am starting to think I will never receive my horny novelty holiday decorations.
When Will My Pornographic Shrek Christmas Ornament Arrive?
I am starting to think I will never receive my horny novelty holiday decorations.
www.404media.co
December 25, 2025 at 2:48 PM
I am starting to think I will never receive my horny novelty holiday decorations.
when I win the powerball tonight, I…what do you mean I’ve spent all my money and I’m broke? But the American dream! Christmas! Keeping myself warm through burning these losing receipts under the overpass! All for naught!?
December 24, 2025 at 6:29 PM
when I win the powerball tonight, I…what do you mean I’ve spent all my money and I’m broke? But the American dream! Christmas! Keeping myself warm through burning these losing receipts under the overpass! All for naught!?
Thank you unrealized John Hughes treatments. Vulture Cinematrix No. 637: Dec 23, 2025
I got 9/9 Correct
Score: 2629
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Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
I got 9/9 Correct
Score: 2629
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
December 23, 2025 at 7:37 PM
Thank you unrealized John Hughes treatments. Vulture Cinematrix No. 637: Dec 23, 2025
I got 9/9 Correct
Score: 2629
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🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
I got 9/9 Correct
Score: 2629
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
but I can't provide gifts to the kids I need to win the Powerball and complete my transformation into Geoffrey Fourmyle complete with sick tiger stripe tattoos and a boundless desire for revenge and convincing people they can space teleport by drinking my special kool-aid
December 23, 2025 at 3:39 PM
but I can't provide gifts to the kids I need to win the Powerball and complete my transformation into Geoffrey Fourmyle complete with sick tiger stripe tattoos and a boundless desire for revenge and convincing people they can space teleport by drinking my special kool-aid
the happiest accident today was discovering the live action Fist of the North Star movie turns 30 in 2026. finally a home for my think piece "wasn't it cool when Vader showed up in this and then Chris Penn's head explodes? you guys!"
still workshopping the pitch title
still workshopping the pitch title
December 22, 2025 at 3:20 PM
the happiest accident today was discovering the live action Fist of the North Star movie turns 30 in 2026. finally a home for my think piece "wasn't it cool when Vader showed up in this and then Chris Penn's head explodes? you guys!"
still workshopping the pitch title
still workshopping the pitch title
the year is 2025. kore-eda now gets "super teaser trailers." www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JuF...
Look Back | Official Trailer
YouTube video by 株式会社K2Pictures
www.youtube.com
December 22, 2025 at 1:29 AM
the year is 2025. kore-eda now gets "super teaser trailers." www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JuF...
sometimes I’m reminded wells’ Freddy Kruger spec script is still out there just waiting for me
December 21, 2025 at 10:34 PM
sometimes I’m reminded wells’ Freddy Kruger spec script is still out there just waiting for me
Just tearing up my best of 2025 film list and tearfully writing in “that Anthony Joshua punch” at number one as Jeff Wells looks up disapprovingly from hell
December 21, 2025 at 9:00 PM
Just tearing up my best of 2025 film list and tearfully writing in “that Anthony Joshua punch” at number one as Jeff Wells looks up disapprovingly from hell
Flakes lives forever in my head because it was a “first review” and also I walked by the outdoor location in New Orleans and it was like my own personal Marathon Man. Vulture Cinematrix No. 635: Dec 21, 2025
I got 9/9 Correct
Score: 2614
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Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
I got 9/9 Correct
Score: 2614
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
December 21, 2025 at 7:47 PM
Flakes lives forever in my head because it was a “first review” and also I walked by the outdoor location in New Orleans and it was like my own personal Marathon Man. Vulture Cinematrix No. 635: Dec 21, 2025
I got 9/9 Correct
Score: 2614
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
I got 9/9 Correct
Score: 2614
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
once again things I’ll do after winning the powerball tonight:
-make Canadian girlfriend real using gundam model kits
-pay to finish the impolex 4k blu-ray mastering
-bring back The L Magazine and make at least three employees sleep in the office basement
-a cooking class for ortolan songbirds
-make Canadian girlfriend real using gundam model kits
-pay to finish the impolex 4k blu-ray mastering
-bring back The L Magazine and make at least three employees sleep in the office basement
-a cooking class for ortolan songbirds
December 20, 2025 at 6:27 PM
once again things I’ll do after winning the powerball tonight:
-make Canadian girlfriend real using gundam model kits
-pay to finish the impolex 4k blu-ray mastering
-bring back The L Magazine and make at least three employees sleep in the office basement
-a cooking class for ortolan songbirds
-make Canadian girlfriend real using gundam model kits
-pay to finish the impolex 4k blu-ray mastering
-bring back The L Magazine and make at least three employees sleep in the office basement
-a cooking class for ortolan songbirds
it’s time we bring back king ralph. Vulture Cinematrix No. 634: Dec 20, 2025
I got 9/9 Correct
Score: 2618
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Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
I got 9/9 Correct
Score: 2618
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
December 20, 2025 at 5:36 PM
it’s time we bring back king ralph. Vulture Cinematrix No. 634: Dec 20, 2025
I got 9/9 Correct
Score: 2618
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🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
I got 9/9 Correct
Score: 2618
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
god grant me the strength to attend the 9:15 am ella mccay showtime (actually 11am would be preferable but mysterious ways and all)
December 20, 2025 at 3:04 AM
god grant me the strength to attend the 9:15 am ella mccay showtime (actually 11am would be preferable but mysterious ways and all)
Flubbed all the Oscar ones. Vulture Cinematrix No. 633: Dec 19, 2025
I got 6/9 Correct
Score: 1678
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Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
I got 6/9 Correct
Score: 1678
🟩⬜🟩
🟩⬜🟩
🟩⬜🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
December 19, 2025 at 7:49 PM
Flubbed all the Oscar ones. Vulture Cinematrix No. 633: Dec 19, 2025
I got 6/9 Correct
Score: 1678
🟩⬜🟩
🟩⬜🟩
🟩⬜🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
I got 6/9 Correct
Score: 1678
🟩⬜🟩
🟩⬜🟩
🟩⬜🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
TWO PROSECUTORS ('25): A wonderfully depressing example of bureaucracy, management and middle managers repeatedly trying to convince the new guy "maybe don't look into why the secret police now run the prisons or else, you know, 'secret prisons.'"
December 19, 2025 at 4:33 AM
TWO PROSECUTORS ('25): A wonderfully depressing example of bureaucracy, management and middle managers repeatedly trying to convince the new guy "maybe don't look into why the secret police now run the prisons or else, you know, 'secret prisons.'"
I always forget Miyazaki English voice casts work here but not during Cine2nerdle battles. Vulture Cinematrix No. 632: Dec 18, 2025
I got 9/9 Correct
Score: 2582
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🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
I got 9/9 Correct
Score: 2582
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
December 18, 2025 at 5:53 PM
I always forget Miyazaki English voice casts work here but not during Cine2nerdle battles. Vulture Cinematrix No. 632: Dec 18, 2025
I got 9/9 Correct
Score: 2582
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
I got 9/9 Correct
Score: 2582
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩
Play at:
vulture.com/vulturecinem...
Reposted by John Lichman
GREAT NEWS! This year’s Williams-Sonoma catalog is powered by AI! defector.com/the-2025-hat...
December 17, 2025 at 3:18 PM
GREAT NEWS! This year’s Williams-Sonoma catalog is powered by AI! defector.com/the-2025-hat...