50 years of #wishyouwerehere. When do we get our Syd Barrett biopic?

Chekhov’s Vitamix

#TheWhiteLotus

This sure would be a funny Veep episode

My least favorite character in the Star Wars universe is this self-congratulatory fuck, who finds Luke and Han on Hoth, but then makes it all about himself.

He thinks you are stupid.

Priest recruiter: Okay, so you wear a robe and sit on this velvety bench, and anonymous confessors whisper their every dirty mistake and fantasy to you through a wicker grille.

Prospective priest: wow cool - horniest thing ever. Anything else I should know?

Priest recruiter: no orgasms ever.

“Oh the exhilarating vindication of this moment,” I holler, as I board my flight to Guantanamo.

Plenty of material for a ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire’ redux just from the last 11 days.

[Marshal of the Supreme Court arrives just in time, slaps on the cuffs before the oath is complete]

You know who should fill the TikTok void?

Skymall Magazine

#Nosferatu (2024) is a film about the worst business trip ever.

The Beatles had a lot of wisdom to share, but “why don’t we do it in the road?” seems like a very unsafe suggestion.

Do better, Paul.

Yes, Joe Rogan is popular and maybe played a role, but please my fellow normy democrats, it would simply be too embarrassing and on-brand to have “let’s make a better podcast” as a central tenet in our 2028 election strategy.

When everyone told Drake to just sit down and take the L, did he think the L stood for Legal Action?

Is this a church of Christian Science that ordered too-small a sign? Or a church that believes in Jesus the Scientist and celebrates his groundbreaking research. The comma has me thrown…

If that guy is truly the next Howard Hughes, I very much look forward to his ‘naked hermit with two-inch fingernails muttering “come in with the milk” in his projection room’ era.

Could this place get any better? Oh hey look, it’s Luke Skywalker! @markhamillofficial.bsky.social