jess haley
@jessdistressed.bsky.social
garbage but mostly compostable ♻
read a book not my tweets
transsexual in iowa
she et cetera in bio
antifascist
read a book not my tweets
transsexual in iowa
she et cetera in bio
antifascist
ordered a thing and the shipment email contains a disclaimer from Fedex that is slightly what the heck does all that mean
closely monitoring the situation? curfews? areas that remain accessible?
does Fedex have some insider knowledge about martial law being imposed soon lol
closely monitoring the situation? curfews? areas that remain accessible?
does Fedex have some insider knowledge about martial law being imposed soon lol
January 5, 2026 at 5:45 PM
ordered a thing and the shipment email contains a disclaimer from Fedex that is slightly what the heck does all that mean
closely monitoring the situation? curfews? areas that remain accessible?
does Fedex have some insider knowledge about martial law being imposed soon lol
closely monitoring the situation? curfews? areas that remain accessible?
does Fedex have some insider knowledge about martial law being imposed soon lol
lmao some bleak headlines in the ole news feed today
November 23, 2025 at 6:57 PM
lmao some bleak headlines in the ole news feed today
democrats have proposed the first 5 members of the truth and reconciliation commission to oversee accountability and justice in the aftermath of trump's fascist despotism
joe manchin
krystin synema
chatgpt as the baileys*
merrick garland
*chuck schumer's imaginary rightwing long island couple
joe manchin
krystin synema
chatgpt as the baileys*
merrick garland
*chuck schumer's imaginary rightwing long island couple
October 28, 2025 at 1:24 AM
democrats have proposed the first 5 members of the truth and reconciliation commission to oversee accountability and justice in the aftermath of trump's fascist despotism
joe manchin
krystin synema
chatgpt as the baileys*
merrick garland
*chuck schumer's imaginary rightwing long island couple
joe manchin
krystin synema
chatgpt as the baileys*
merrick garland
*chuck schumer's imaginary rightwing long island couple
the only reason i didnt recognize the skull tattoo was a nazi skull tattoo was that this skull is used by all of the american military troops all the time, it was the top prize winning float decoration in the trump birthday army tank parade for crying out loud.
hey wait a tick...
hey wait a tick...
October 22, 2025 at 8:08 PM
the only reason i didnt recognize the skull tattoo was a nazi skull tattoo was that this skull is used by all of the american military troops all the time, it was the top prize winning float decoration in the trump birthday army tank parade for crying out loud.
hey wait a tick...
hey wait a tick...
in further breaking news, a groupchat allegedly belonging to crewmembers of the federation starship enterprise leaked. it was a variety of deck to deck gossip and bickering about daily minutia, holodeck use speculation, and generally abundant horniness
October 15, 2025 at 6:43 PM
in further breaking news, a groupchat allegedly belonging to crewmembers of the federation starship enterprise leaked. it was a variety of deck to deck gossip and bickering about daily minutia, holodeck use speculation, and generally abundant horniness
breaking: shocking messages from a groupchat allegedly used by members of the jedi order were leaked; often racially disparaging nonhuman jedi members, many mocked the size and skin color of ancient revered Jedi Master Yoda, often focusing on his manner of speech or speculating about his genitalia;
October 15, 2025 at 6:33 PM
breaking: shocking messages from a groupchat allegedly used by members of the jedi order were leaked; often racially disparaging nonhuman jedi members, many mocked the size and skin color of ancient revered Jedi Master Yoda, often focusing on his manner of speech or speculating about his genitalia;
i think history will judge my 'ghost of yoplait' yogurt video game joke about my stomach problems killed at the riyadh comedy festival (i was sentenced to death)
October 6, 2025 at 8:27 PM
i think history will judge my 'ghost of yoplait' yogurt video game joke about my stomach problems killed at the riyadh comedy festival (i was sentenced to death)
bari weiss's first initiative as the head of cbs is starting a hip new podcast to promote right wing ideology, she's calling it gestapo trap house
October 6, 2025 at 8:02 PM
bari weiss's first initiative as the head of cbs is starting a hip new podcast to promote right wing ideology, she's calling it gestapo trap house
wild how a troop must get facial electrolysis now or risk being guilty of conduct unbecoming (5 o'clock shadow)
October 1, 2025 at 10:37 PM
wild how a troop must get facial electrolysis now or risk being guilty of conduct unbecoming (5 o'clock shadow)
post saying 'jalapenos make everything better' with a pic of some chili
1 like
5k indignant replies saying 'not my daughter's surgery mishap' or 'not 9/11'
having to respond to each with 'au contraire' and explaining how delicious jalapenos are and how they might brighten even the worst of times
1 like
5k indignant replies saying 'not my daughter's surgery mishap' or 'not 9/11'
having to respond to each with 'au contraire' and explaining how delicious jalapenos are and how they might brighten even the worst of times
September 26, 2025 at 8:02 PM
post saying 'jalapenos make everything better' with a pic of some chili
1 like
5k indignant replies saying 'not my daughter's surgery mishap' or 'not 9/11'
having to respond to each with 'au contraire' and explaining how delicious jalapenos are and how they might brighten even the worst of times
1 like
5k indignant replies saying 'not my daughter's surgery mishap' or 'not 9/11'
having to respond to each with 'au contraire' and explaining how delicious jalapenos are and how they might brighten even the worst of times
reposted without all my typos in the alt txt
(i have a case of friday fingers i guess)
(i have a case of friday fingers i guess)
September 26, 2025 at 5:19 PM
reposted without all my typos in the alt txt
(i have a case of friday fingers i guess)
(i have a case of friday fingers i guess)
top 10 signs that your man may be a sexual matador in bed
10 moustache
9 flamboyant
8 plays to the audience
7 svelte
6 agile
5 stabby
4 wears a cape
3 enjoys your suffering
2 doesnt finish you off himself
1 he leaps out of the way when the bull comes around
(paul chimes in: hahahaha cuckold)
10 moustache
9 flamboyant
8 plays to the audience
7 svelte
6 agile
5 stabby
4 wears a cape
3 enjoys your suffering
2 doesnt finish you off himself
1 he leaps out of the way when the bull comes around
(paul chimes in: hahahaha cuckold)
September 24, 2025 at 11:16 PM
top 10 signs that your man may be a sexual matador in bed
10 moustache
9 flamboyant
8 plays to the audience
7 svelte
6 agile
5 stabby
4 wears a cape
3 enjoys your suffering
2 doesnt finish you off himself
1 he leaps out of the way when the bull comes around
(paul chimes in: hahahaha cuckold)
10 moustache
9 flamboyant
8 plays to the audience
7 svelte
6 agile
5 stabby
4 wears a cape
3 enjoys your suffering
2 doesnt finish you off himself
1 he leaps out of the way when the bull comes around
(paul chimes in: hahahaha cuckold)
in a mid tier action thriller movie or tv forensic/profiling procedural a more clever anti-ice slogan found on shell casing engravings would be like 'cacl2' or 'mgcl2' or 'cma', so then you could have maybe ice-t or a nerdy goth chick explain those are common de-icing snow removal chemicals
September 24, 2025 at 5:27 PM
in a mid tier action thriller movie or tv forensic/profiling procedural a more clever anti-ice slogan found on shell casing engravings would be like 'cacl2' or 'mgcl2' or 'cma', so then you could have maybe ice-t or a nerdy goth chick explain those are common de-icing snow removal chemicals
charlie kirk rawdogging rbg in heaven as the entire rapture walks in the front door
September 23, 2025 at 5:14 PM
charlie kirk rawdogging rbg in heaven as the entire rapture walks in the front door
all network late night comedy shows will now be made by Prager U
September 17, 2025 at 11:27 PM
all network late night comedy shows will now be made by Prager U
also been wondering if/how losing one of the hydra heads of this american style decentralized/corporatized 'hitleryouth' fascism indoctrination movement will change anything
September 16, 2025 at 5:50 PM
also been wondering if/how losing one of the hydra heads of this american style decentralized/corporatized 'hitleryouth' fascism indoctrination movement will change anything
i have kinda wondered if they used that idf battlefield technology to harvest his final sperm, if that sort of thing is already commonplace or will possibly become so for the 'ruling class elites'
September 16, 2025 at 5:30 PM
i have kinda wondered if they used that idf battlefield technology to harvest his final sperm, if that sort of thing is already commonplace or will possibly become so for the 'ruling class elites'
breaking: in the rush to fill the void, elon musk is rumored to have the early strategic advantage in providing a replacement 'charlie kirk ai' chat bot to take over the running of kirk's family and podcast-demagoguery empire, simply by offering to revert his grok ai to its 'mechahltler' settings
September 11, 2025 at 6:53 PM
breaking: in the rush to fill the void, elon musk is rumored to have the early strategic advantage in providing a replacement 'charlie kirk ai' chat bot to take over the running of kirk's family and podcast-demagoguery empire, simply by offering to revert his grok ai to its 'mechahltler' settings
if it's any consolation he likely merged into a rightwing Legion style multidemon with the combined intellectual capacity of a petri dish and the combined intellectual curiosity of a million holocaust deniers, oozing thru the septic pits of hell, eternally howling and gibbering about wokeness
September 11, 2025 at 5:19 PM
if it's any consolation he likely merged into a rightwing Legion style multidemon with the combined intellectual capacity of a petri dish and the combined intellectual curiosity of a million holocaust deniers, oozing thru the septic pits of hell, eternally howling and gibbering about wokeness
anyways mr president go to utah or no balls
...is probably what they're saying a lot on the streets
...is probably what they're saying a lot on the streets
September 11, 2025 at 5:05 AM
anyways mr president go to utah or no balls
...is probably what they're saying a lot on the streets
...is probably what they're saying a lot on the streets
since they lack the skill to sympathize
and mock all those who empathize
you'll never see a nazi cry except for when a nazi dies
a poem
and mock all those who empathize
you'll never see a nazi cry except for when a nazi dies
a poem
September 11, 2025 at 4:55 AM
since they lack the skill to sympathize
and mock all those who empathize
you'll never see a nazi cry except for when a nazi dies
a poem
and mock all those who empathize
you'll never see a nazi cry except for when a nazi dies
a poem
the right: "leftists must denounce this violence! 😠"
me: "well i've long supported regulations and restrictions on guns"
the right: "no! no! not like that! 😡"
me: "well i've long supported regulations and restrictions on guns"
the right: "no! no! not like that! 😡"
September 10, 2025 at 10:11 PM
the right: "leftists must denounce this violence! 😠"
me: "well i've long supported regulations and restrictions on guns"
the right: "no! no! not like that! 😡"
me: "well i've long supported regulations and restrictions on guns"
the right: "no! no! not like that! 😡"
us to deploy troops to occupy utah i guess?
September 10, 2025 at 9:50 PM
us to deploy troops to occupy utah i guess?
just a cow eatin' grass enigmatically
September 8, 2025 at 11:57 PM
just a cow eatin' grass enigmatically
20 years ago: oh you work in tech; computers, making software, all them future gizmos? neato.
now: yikes, tech? so you're a nazi pedophile, stealing ip, tightening a surveillance state and enshittifying literally everything, and that was your ceo there wriggling on the floor for trump?
now: yikes, tech? so you're a nazi pedophile, stealing ip, tightening a surveillance state and enshittifying literally everything, and that was your ceo there wriggling on the floor for trump?
September 8, 2025 at 8:26 PM
20 years ago: oh you work in tech; computers, making software, all them future gizmos? neato.
now: yikes, tech? so you're a nazi pedophile, stealing ip, tightening a surveillance state and enshittifying literally everything, and that was your ceo there wriggling on the floor for trump?
now: yikes, tech? so you're a nazi pedophile, stealing ip, tightening a surveillance state and enshittifying literally everything, and that was your ceo there wriggling on the floor for trump?