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jessdistressed.bsky.social
jess haley
@jessdistressed.bsky.social
70 followers 120 following 510 posts
garbage but mostly compostable ♻
read a book not my tweets
transsexual in iowa
she et cetera in bio
antifascist
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jessdistressed.bsky.social
reposted without all my typos in the alt txt
(i have a case of friday fingers i guess)
fixing typos, its the adult swim show ntsf:ds:suv:: poster which shows a be-wigged open-mouthed paul scheer holding out his hand like its a gun next to the image of the slipped and fallen fed ice goon with a panicked look on his face brandishing his gun like he meant to take prone cover
September 26, 2025 at 5:19 PM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
just a cow eatin' grass enigmatically
the creepy trump epstein birthday drawing but now it looks like a cow or a hippo maybe idk
September 8, 2025 at 11:57 PM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
donnie brasco sequel but it's donnie pedo
the movie poster for donnie brasco but it says donnie pedo with a pic of trump and epstein instead of pacino and depp and gene shalit calls it a creepy sick picture instead of a killer gangster picture altered poorly in mspaint
September 5, 2025 at 10:40 PM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
if a nazi bought the bar you patronized, fired the bouncers (mods), invited the formerly banned nazis back in, where they can buy a vip status tier, pays some of them, made a chatbot that spouts nazi propaganda, and the bar makes money when people visit and engage because it drives ad revenue...
image of a post (i obscured the user name and profile pic) that says 'if you are in a bar that lets in nazis you are at a nazi bar' do you guys think posting on teh internet is the same as going to a bar (idk, i assume theyre talking about twitter, and how they love being there so its not equivalent to the old saying because it's posting with nazis not drinking with nazis, but jfc)
August 18, 2025 at 1:46 PM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
i believe you, based on highly accurate mspaint simulations wherein you merely gained a monopoly man top hat and bushy moustache
internet hippo art but where i added, using mspaint badly, a monopoly man top hat moustache and moneybags
July 17, 2025 at 2:23 AM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
jeepers creepers the set of peepers on each guy, like each pair is from a different style of nightmare or something
just a crop of the farange photo that focuses on the eyes one set pinched narrow and squinting faranges are deeply hooded within massive bags the third are staring wide open and seem like they have giant irises
May 3, 2025 at 6:13 PM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
sure maybe vance didnt get invited to the elite technofascist groupchat but he and swaroop always had each other
a tweet from 2010 in which 'swaroop' claims to be hitler from india. my suspicion is that swaroop eventually became vances wife
April 28, 2025 at 5:20 PM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
thinking fondly about the communist who shot mussolini
walter audisio, an italian communist who most likely shot the fascist dictator mussolini in 1945 a black and white head and shoulders photo (source wikipedia) of a 54 year old man bald on top with dark hair a moustache and a solemn intense stare, wearing a suit and tie. photo was taken around 1963 when he was in the italian senate https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Benito_Mussolini
April 7, 2025 at 5:00 PM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
ugh cruz is horny again
its a ted cruz tweet about the coolest thing hes evr seen and its an image of that porn video he liked that other time on twitter when likes were public with a blonde woman wearing glasses and biting her finger in a red top showing a little bit of cleavage
March 15, 2025 at 1:56 AM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
did bsky change the format/display
i have to zoom in further to not see the right side now
it is worse why make it worse that is what twitter would do
maybe something changed with chrome idk i am stupid
an image showing bsky at 125% vs 150% zoom on chrome desktop i do not like the right third of the screen it is a void which contains redundant crap like another search and following and discover which already exist and i do not like it being there but increasing the zoom to 150 to not display the right third makes each tweet too big it is not pleasing aesthetically and i do not like that so fuck this design what are you twitter
March 11, 2025 at 2:32 PM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
hey now
an image of hank kingsley (jeffrey tambor on the larry sanders show starring garry shandling) looking worried with a spider on his balding head saying his catchphrase as the sidekick to larry 'hey now' i'm not contributing to the post and i'm sorry, the dundermifflin crew saying hey now just reminded me of him. i am not being productive today
February 24, 2025 at 5:23 PM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
thank you, here was the alternate concept (scale too big ability and effort dwindling)
a tiny swan boy liSWAN al'gaiBOY of arrQUACKis wearing a grey stillsuit riding a dune sandworm guy
February 23, 2025 at 5:46 AM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
apologies in advance
mspaint swanboy as an emo 'fallout swanboy' singing this aint a scene its a goddam swan race. it looks pretty bad and i'm sorry
February 23, 2025 at 2:09 AM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
when they inevitably make Trumpbucks the legal tender they should use that pic of trump when he was onstage watching elon prance around
image of a 100 dollar bill with a pic of trump from when he was looking sideways at elon who was prancing around on stage. trump looks unamused and constipated which is normal for him
February 22, 2025 at 2:18 AM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
a mock letter image from fascist us atty general edward martin who is sending threatening govt letters to anyone critical of elon musk, wherein he accuses me of asking if elon prefers dragon or goblin and when elon says dragon i reply Dragon deez nuts across your face you fascist dick
February 21, 2025 at 7:21 AM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
3 stick figures with virus heads copypasted from cdc images labelled polio smallpox and measles celebrating the appointment of rfk junior with a banner saying the boys are back in town from the tin lizzy album done in mspaint badly
February 13, 2025 at 6:22 PM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
jfc the NCAA insta banning all trans people from participating in any form of college activities they govern speaks to how quickly our extermination is approaching and how few 'leaders' of any sort are gonna be opposed to it
an image from ncaa dot com with a grinning head shot image of charlie baker, who is an older caucasian man with grey hair and squinty eyes grinning widely
February 7, 2025 at 3:32 AM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
doubtless its been done before and better but im not going to look it up to check, so avert thy eyeballs
guy hitting on a biblically accurate angel with one giant eye and six tentacles wing things and a golden halo very poorly drawn ms paint art it's stupid af guy: hey baby did it hurt when u fell from heaven bc u look like an angel angel: tee hee i am metatron buy me a drink sailor
February 5, 2025 at 4:21 PM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
vote Micolash Host of the Nightmare 2028
an image from bloodborne the video game, after defeating micolash host of the nightmare in a dark and misty gothic arena, the player character stands in a doorway with an empty boss health bar as micolash wails and is captioned saying Now I'm waking up, I'll forget everything but i changed it to say Now I'm woke, I'll cancel everything (using ms paint like the chump i am) it's just something that amused me sorry
February 1, 2025 at 11:45 PM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
facebook rereleasing the metaverse with a surefire way to improve the maga outreach, new appearance options
the image of zuckerberg in his vr form looking vacant infront of the eiffel tower but now with a hitler stache and hairdo
January 24, 2025 at 9:17 PM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
people really acting like 2 guys who hated jimmy carter aren't going to enjoy a hearty chuckle at his state funeral
a photo of obama and trump laughing at jimmy carter's state funeral
January 9, 2025 at 6:17 PM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
i wrote more future lore but then got bored tldr musk blows up the alamo and stuff
image of a text file tried to paste the text as alttext but it got cut off you didnt want to read it all anyways its dumb rfj kr squints into the distance atop the Alamo, now renamed the AlamX by its owner Elon Musk. Wearing a poorly crafted and visibly rotting animalskin cap, which RFK claims was victory spoils from a fistfight with a chupacabara, but later forensic analysis will confirm was a mangy dog, Kennedy has become the defacto leader of the compound as Musk has abandoned his recent 'Bavarian zoomer' persona of Adrian Dittlewick in favor of a chubby yet charismatic tweenager who goes by Grizzlerino 6K. Kennedy takes his responsibilities seriously, ensuring a plentiful supply of raw milk available everywhere in the facility. Squatting at RFK's feet and swiping at the rooftop debris aimlessly is his paramour the gonzo clout journalist Olivia Nunzi, clearly pregnant and yet more flushed than glowing. She is probably suffering from a severe viral respiratory infection, as RFK has ordered the primary meat supply of the Alamx, swarms of rodents, infected with the novel hantavirus, desiring that the followers all get their daily supply of "Viral Nutrients". At a rusting metal drum placed atop the eastern wall, Musk's personal shaman Joseph Rogan stirs DMT into the vessel which contains raw, now fermenting milk, which he uses to help spiritually guide Musk through his journey of enlightenment. In the basement of the AlamX, we find Musk himself, bonding with his new stepson Barton Trump, who chose Elon over his stepbrother Donny Junior who now wore a steel mask to hide the loss of his nose from severe overuse of cocaino, and was attempting to rally the remaining members of Florida's MAGA community, mostly extremely retired and living in gated retirement villages, against the ongoing Cuban invasion of the peninsula. The room is filled with robots, leftovers of Musk's attempted creation of robo-bartenders, now refitted to resemble a variety of women Musk has coveted,
January 8, 2025 at 8:59 PM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
my proposal
a northamerican map, but canada and nw us are now cuba norte, los angeles grows east to the missouri and down thru texas, iowa became The Pit, the city states of chicago, st louis, new orleans, and atlanta surround a new great lake, and the east coast becomes part of greenland. cuba also builds a land bridge to claim florida
January 8, 2025 at 3:26 AM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
a pic of a bluesky tweet draft that reads: inside everyone there are two towers. one tower, named Orthanc, is ruled by saruman who hath been corrupted by lust for the true ring and must be destroyed. the other, once Minas Ithil, now Minas Morgul, is ruled by the witchking of angmar who hath been corrupted by a ring of power and also must be destroyed. But maybe, consider that there are even more towers inside us, including Barad-dûr, Cirith Ungol, and Minas Tirith, and they are all probably corrupted and must be destroyed as well it is 193 characters over limit and i'm sorry for writing it out
January 5, 2025 at 10:37 PM
jessdistressed.bsky.social
my 8 minute 'draw midra in ms paint from memory' attempt while watching along with a twitch stream elden ring race run by star0chris which had this as a minigame. solidarity with lilaggy who was mocked for drawing a greenish cape, which i also chose lol
an attempt at drawing Midra from Elden Ring from memory in ms paint in 8 minutes lol. skinny guy with a head of flames
December 17, 2024 at 2:05 AM