@jackviertel.bsky.social
Producer, dramaturg, author, opinionated schmuck
Why is it that every time I install an update on my laptop or phone everything gets harder to do? Things that used to take one keystroke now take two or three, and I see nothing that actually helps. Just a bunch of tech-nerds playing with their gear to make my life more confusing. Which isn't nice.
January 22, 2026 at 2:25 AM
Why is it that every time I install an update on my laptop or phone everything gets harder to do? Things that used to take one keystroke now take two or three, and I see nothing that actually helps. Just a bunch of tech-nerds playing with their gear to make my life more confusing. Which isn't nice.
Venezuela is a pretty small country compared to some others. I can't imagine running it will be very difficult.
January 3, 2026 at 5:42 PM
Venezuela is a pretty small country compared to some others. I can't imagine running it will be very difficult.
The Times is promoting a recipe for crispy tofu nuggets. This is the last straw.
January 3, 2026 at 2:05 AM
The Times is promoting a recipe for crispy tofu nuggets. This is the last straw.
I need an app on my phone called Find My Drink.
December 30, 2025 at 11:13 PM
I need an app on my phone called Find My Drink.
I just want to say that I am prepared to pardon anyone who gives me between 1 and 6 million dollars. You know where to find me and the bank is always open. Like, if you fart and say "pardon me" and give me between one and six million dollars, I'll say "don't mention it, you're pardoned."
Anyone?
Anyone?
December 28, 2025 at 4:56 AM
I just want to say that I am prepared to pardon anyone who gives me between 1 and 6 million dollars. You know where to find me and the bank is always open. Like, if you fart and say "pardon me" and give me between one and six million dollars, I'll say "don't mention it, you're pardoned."
Anyone?
Anyone?
Watched Reap the Wild Wind last night because I wanted to see a young Robert Preston and the diving sequence at the end. My god -Cecil B. DeMille was really a terrible director. But the cardboard giant squid that seems to be half-octopus was fun.
December 27, 2025 at 8:03 PM
Watched Reap the Wild Wind last night because I wanted to see a young Robert Preston and the diving sequence at the end. My god -Cecil B. DeMille was really a terrible director. But the cardboard giant squid that seems to be half-octopus was fun.
Every Christmas eve, while folks are struggling with The Grinch and A Christmas Carol, I read Damon Runyon's "Dancing Dan's Christmas" aloud and everyone seems to like it a lot and find it refreshing. Try it!
December 24, 2025 at 4:43 PM
Every Christmas eve, while folks are struggling with The Grinch and A Christmas Carol, I read Damon Runyon's "Dancing Dan's Christmas" aloud and everyone seems to like it a lot and find it refreshing. Try it!
I gather that Queen of Versailles closed early because of National Security concerns.
December 24, 2025 at 5:03 AM
I gather that Queen of Versailles closed early because of National Security concerns.
Reposted
SHARE WIDELY!!!!!https://open.substack.com/pub/muellershewrote/p/watch-the-60-minutes-cecot-segment?r=1088tr&utm_medium=ios&shareImageVariant=overlay
WATCH: The 60 Minutes CECOT Segment
I was sent the CECOT segment anonymously in a group chat.
open.substack.com
December 23, 2025 at 1:59 AM
SHARE WIDELY!!!!!https://open.substack.com/pub/muellershewrote/p/watch-the-60-minutes-cecot-segment?r=1088tr&utm_medium=ios&shareImageVariant=overlay
Just watched Howard Hawks's The Criminal Code - his second talkie - on Criterion. It's astonishing, and I was completely unaware of it. For starters it's just a terrific prison movie, but the use of montage and sound is enough to make me sound like a pretentious cineaste. Never mind. It's terrific.
December 11, 2025 at 5:37 AM
Just watched Howard Hawks's The Criminal Code - his second talkie - on Criterion. It's astonishing, and I was completely unaware of it. For starters it's just a terrific prison movie, but the use of montage and sound is enough to make me sound like a pretentious cineaste. Never mind. It's terrific.
Holiday shopping reaches a fever pitch. Surely you have to bring gifts to some readers who would love an ("ahem") great environmental thriller that you can't put down. At your local bookstore or, if you must, Amazon. The Glass Eel. Remember those three words.
December 10, 2025 at 5:24 PM
Holiday shopping reaches a fever pitch. Surely you have to bring gifts to some readers who would love an ("ahem") great environmental thriller that you can't put down. At your local bookstore or, if you must, Amazon. The Glass Eel. Remember those three words.
Today marks the anniversary of the Broadway opening of Jules Feiffer's Grown Ups, among the most devastating comedies (if you can call it that) ever written. Audiences didn't flock to it, but it's one of the great plays of the early 80s. And I''m sure we'll never see it again.
December 10, 2025 at 4:36 PM
Today marks the anniversary of the Broadway opening of Jules Feiffer's Grown Ups, among the most devastating comedies (if you can call it that) ever written. Audiences didn't flock to it, but it's one of the great plays of the early 80s. And I''m sure we'll never see it again.
I get drunk sometimes and think about blowing up boats indiscriminately, but then I just watch a couple of episodes of The Honeymooners and I feel better and go to bed. No one gets hurt. I recommend it as a national policy.
December 5, 2025 at 2:58 AM
I get drunk sometimes and think about blowing up boats indiscriminately, but then I just watch a couple of episodes of The Honeymooners and I feel better and go to bed. No one gets hurt. I recommend it as a national policy.
Tom Stoppard and Steve Cropper in the same week? I guess history has come to an end.
December 4, 2025 at 2:52 PM
Tom Stoppard and Steve Cropper in the same week? I guess history has come to an end.
Tom Stoppard made me feel like a grownup for the first time, first with R&G are Dead and then Jumpers. In later years, some of his pieces have also made me feel like an idiot. But there will never be another theatrical voice remotely like his. Can we revive all the plays in chronological order?
November 29, 2025 at 5:56 PM
Tom Stoppard made me feel like a grownup for the first time, first with R&G are Dead and then Jumpers. In later years, some of his pieces have also made me feel like an idiot. But there will never be another theatrical voice remotely like his. Can we revive all the plays in chronological order?
Tomorrow is Small Business Day, the perfect day to head to your local bookstore for a copy of The Glass Eel. If you like a thriller with a brain...they also make great gifts as we approach gift-giving season.
November 28, 2025 at 5:30 PM
Tomorrow is Small Business Day, the perfect day to head to your local bookstore for a copy of The Glass Eel. If you like a thriller with a brain...they also make great gifts as we approach gift-giving season.
I already love musicals so paid scant attention to the Times piece about five minutes that will make you love musicals. But when I finally looked at the list I saw that there were at least a half dozen songs that would make me hate musicals.
November 26, 2025 at 3:14 PM
I already love musicals so paid scant attention to the Times piece about five minutes that will make you love musicals. But when I finally looked at the list I saw that there were at least a half dozen songs that would make me hate musicals.
Has anyone noticed that the last shots of The Long Goodbye are completely stolen form the last shots of Nights of Cabiria? I have no complaints with either movie, I'm just saying...
November 17, 2025 at 3:01 AM
Has anyone noticed that the last shots of The Long Goodbye are completely stolen form the last shots of Nights of Cabiria? I have no complaints with either movie, I'm just saying...
The 2nd Amendment should now be expanded to say that the right to bear arms INCLUDING SANDWICHES shall not be infringed. Then the Supreme Court can hear arguments about what kinds of sandwiches are permitted. Life would be more interesting.
November 7, 2025 at 11:05 PM
The 2nd Amendment should now be expanded to say that the right to bear arms INCLUDING SANDWICHES shall not be infringed. Then the Supreme Court can hear arguments about what kinds of sandwiches are permitted. Life would be more interesting.
The rumor is that Steve Cohen is selling the flushable gold toilet, which he apparently owns. I hope he gets one first-rate pitcher in return. Only seems fair.
November 7, 2025 at 3:57 AM
The rumor is that Steve Cohen is selling the flushable gold toilet, which he apparently owns. I hope he gets one first-rate pitcher in return. Only seems fair.
The Times has a headline asking which book should win the Booker Prize. Isn't the obvious answer The Glass Eel by J. J. Viertel? Available now. Buy and read (or listen to it) before it walks away with the Booker Prize, which it's sure to win on a write-in vote.
November 7, 2025 at 3:49 AM
The Times has a headline asking which book should win the Booker Prize. Isn't the obvious answer The Glass Eel by J. J. Viertel? Available now. Buy and read (or listen to it) before it walks away with the Booker Prize, which it's sure to win on a write-in vote.
Is there a more entertaining score from a flop than 70, Girls, 70? Despite Encores! inability to figure out how to do it, I have not backed off this question. All responses will be taken more or less seriously.
November 7, 2025 at 3:45 AM
Is there a more entertaining score from a flop than 70, Girls, 70? Despite Encores! inability to figure out how to do it, I have not backed off this question. All responses will be taken more or less seriously.
A flattering but odd quote, given that people get poisoned and burned up in cars, but not inaccurate in its way. And it's a rave review.
November 6, 2025 at 4:34 AM
A flattering but odd quote, given that people get poisoned and burned up in cars, but not inaccurate in its way. And it's a rave review.
I was so distressed (in a good way) by Blue Moon that I listened to the Boys From Syracuse cast album. A relief. Yes Hart is sometimes sloppy, but funny, romantic, sad, clever deep, sexy and his mind moves like lightning. May we all be grateful, delighted, and heartbroken for his life and work.
November 3, 2025 at 10:05 PM
I was so distressed (in a good way) by Blue Moon that I listened to the Boys From Syracuse cast album. A relief. Yes Hart is sometimes sloppy, but funny, romantic, sad, clever deep, sexy and his mind moves like lightning. May we all be grateful, delighted, and heartbroken for his life and work.
Big day for me and the other J -- my son Josh. The Glass Eel audiobook is launched. Download it wherever you do that sort of thing. You won't be sorry. Even the NY Times thinks so.
October 29, 2025 at 2:03 AM
Big day for me and the other J -- my son Josh. The Glass Eel audiobook is launched. Download it wherever you do that sort of thing. You won't be sorry. Even the NY Times thinks so.