Travel the world and sample exotic cuisine.
Hamburger Holiday
Meat, bun, and ketchup. That spells vacation
open.substack.com
January 31, 2026 at 1:17 AM
Travel the world and sample exotic cuisine.
Fans of NKOTB, this is not the post for you.
New Kids on the Block
Step 1: We can have lots of fun
open.substack.com
January 26, 2026 at 11:07 PM
Fans of NKOTB, this is not the post for you.
The perfect way to a break from shoveling. Make some hot cocoa, put your feet up, and read my stories.
Pet Sounds
My early history with animals
open.substack.com
January 25, 2026 at 7:28 PM
The perfect way to a break from shoveling. Make some hot cocoa, put your feet up, and read my stories.
Bringing you another story to keep you warm while you’re snowed/iced in.
A New Pain
When a dull ache turns exciting!
open.substack.com
January 24, 2026 at 8:32 PM
Bringing you another story to keep you warm while you’re snowed/iced in.
Trapped inside by winter storms? Read about the one time I wasn’t the weird kid. You’ll be glad you did.
A Play Date With Destiny
No, wait. His name was Phil, not Destiny,
substack.com
January 23, 2026 at 9:48 PM
Trapped inside by winter storms? Read about the one time I wasn’t the weird kid. You’ll be glad you did.
I promise you, this is something you need to read. It is one of the most humiliating things that ever happened to me. It took me a few years to see the humor in it.
The Boy and the Black Leopard
Cats like me. Well, most of them.
open.substack.com
January 22, 2026 at 9:42 PM
I promise you, this is something you need to read. It is one of the most humiliating things that ever happened to me. It took me a few years to see the humor in it.
I’ve got a messed up thumb. This is how it happened.
The Bionic Claw
The brief life of my left thumb
open.substack.com
January 21, 2026 at 6:44 PM
I’ve got a messed up thumb. This is how it happened.
I’ve always been good with directions.
JPS
A life-changing trip to Astoria
open.substack.com
January 20, 2026 at 11:15 PM
I’ve always been good with directions.
Encourage your kids to sing and perform.
Unless they’re really bad at it.
Unless they’re really bad at it.
Sing, Sing, Sing
My last post got my most views so far, much to my embarrassment.
substack.com
January 16, 2026 at 11:03 PM
Encourage your kids to sing and perform.
Unless they’re really bad at it.
Unless they’re really bad at it.
Read all about the beginning of my long history of head trauma.
Baby's First Concussion
I was born in 1976.
open.substack.com
January 15, 2026 at 5:46 PM
Read all about the beginning of my long history of head trauma.
Do you read good? Because I write good.
An Introduction
Myotonic dystrophy (DM) is a rare form of muscular dystrophy that runs in my family.
open.substack.com
January 12, 2026 at 9:27 PM
Do you read good? Because I write good.
That murderous ICE agent has been released from the hospital, which means he spent more time in the hospital this week with a non-injury than I did with pneumonia.
January 9, 2026 at 8:52 PM
That murderous ICE agent has been released from the hospital, which means he spent more time in the hospital this week with a non-injury than I did with pneumonia.
This is really hard for me to say, but…
Ed edited it.
Ed edited it.
January 8, 2026 at 9:48 PM
This is really hard for me to say, but…
Ed edited it.
Ed edited it.
The latest post from my brand new substack. Subscriptions are free.
Pneu Year, Pneumonia
Hey look, only three posts into my new blog and I’ve already broken the timeline.
open.substack.com
January 5, 2026 at 8:55 PM
The latest post from my brand new substack. Subscriptions are free.
After his promotional deal with Burger King expired, Herb signed with KFC to become one of their seven Herbs and spices.
#JokesICameUpWithFortyYearsTooLate
#JokesICameUpWithFortyYearsTooLate
December 17, 2025 at 11:51 PM
After his promotional deal with Burger King expired, Herb signed with KFC to become one of their seven Herbs and spices.
#JokesICameUpWithFortyYearsTooLate
#JokesICameUpWithFortyYearsTooLate
We know that the president blew Clinton. But did it happen while Bill was on the toilet? Did he get a Donald J Blumpkin?
December 5, 2025 at 3:02 PM
We know that the president blew Clinton. But did it happen while Bill was on the toilet? Did he get a Donald J Blumpkin?
Today, I was able to cross “running the NY Marathon” off my bucket list.
Not because I did it, because I got tired just watching it for ten minutes.
Not because I did it, because I got tired just watching it for ten minutes.
November 2, 2025 at 9:06 PM
Today, I was able to cross “running the NY Marathon” off my bucket list.
Not because I did it, because I got tired just watching it for ten minutes.
Not because I did it, because I got tired just watching it for ten minutes.
People always tell me I should trust my gut, but I get hurt every time we try a trust fall.
October 24, 2025 at 5:06 PM
People always tell me I should trust my gut, but I get hurt every time we try a trust fall.
A quick reminder for anyone who is being told that the No Kings rallies were exclusively attended by people without jobs.
1. No Kings was on a Saturday
2. January 6, 2021 was a Wednesday
1. No Kings was on a Saturday
2. January 6, 2021 was a Wednesday
October 22, 2025 at 10:48 AM
A quick reminder for anyone who is being told that the No Kings rallies were exclusively attended by people without jobs.
1. No Kings was on a Saturday
2. January 6, 2021 was a Wednesday
1. No Kings was on a Saturday
2. January 6, 2021 was a Wednesday
When Alex Jones dies, everybody needs to insist that he’s still alive and that the whole thing is just a false flag operation.
October 5, 2025 at 3:55 PM
When Alex Jones dies, everybody needs to insist that he’s still alive and that the whole thing is just a false flag operation.
Trump: Don’t take Tylenol! Just tough it out!
Also Trump: You can’t draft me because my bone spurs hurt.
Also Trump: You can’t draft me because my bone spurs hurt.
September 26, 2025 at 6:33 PM
Trump: Don’t take Tylenol! Just tough it out!
Also Trump: You can’t draft me because my bone spurs hurt.
Also Trump: You can’t draft me because my bone spurs hurt.
Can we eliminate the term
“Grammar Nazi” from the English language? Because here in America, we have actual Nazis and they never use proper grammar.
“Grammar Nazi” from the English language? Because here in America, we have actual Nazis and they never use proper grammar.
September 19, 2025 at 1:46 PM
Can we eliminate the term
“Grammar Nazi” from the English language? Because here in America, we have actual Nazis and they never use proper grammar.
“Grammar Nazi” from the English language? Because here in America, we have actual Nazis and they never use proper grammar.
First they came for the Coberts, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Colbert.
Then they came for the Kimmels, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Kimmel…
Then they came for the Kimmels, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Kimmel…
September 18, 2025 at 7:59 AM
First they came for the Coberts, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Colbert.
Then they came for the Kimmels, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Kimmel…
Then they came for the Kimmels, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Kimmel…
I think it’s a terrible shame that Charlie Kirk was killed before I got the chance to punch him.
September 11, 2025 at 4:12 AM
I think it’s a terrible shame that Charlie Kirk was killed before I got the chance to punch him.
I’m an atheist and have been for most of my life, but I kind of hope there’s a god.
Not because I want to go to heaven; because I want Donald Trump to burn in hell.
Not because I want to go to heaven; because I want Donald Trump to burn in hell.
August 24, 2025 at 4:33 PM
I’m an atheist and have been for most of my life, but I kind of hope there’s a god.
Not because I want to go to heaven; because I want Donald Trump to burn in hell.
Not because I want to go to heaven; because I want Donald Trump to burn in hell.