Installing wellness app... oh you're gonna charge me... I guess I'll fucking get ready to die instead. Just like I was gonna do before I wasted precious time on your screening questions to customize your grift for me.

Oh, you want to "date a straight man for a while"? Hun I swing a splitting maul with one hand and haven't had a dude's dick inside me for almost 9 years. How much straighter can one get?

Buried the Christmas ham last night.

This day is bananas, bachelor of arts narcotics anonymous network attached storage.

Wouldst thou like the taste of butthole?

It says right here your name is... John Bon-Bon Ganja-Anchovie?

Why is it that sometimes when you dig a hole and fill it back in, there's not enough dirt

Do I want to be known by any number of strangers, potential friend and potential foe alike? No. Is there a character I could play, cloyingly like myself, to scratch the itch, bare the soul, pat the head?