Head Worm inside Head of HHS
@hhssecinsidesec.bsky.social
Unofficial account for parody purposes | Head Worm inside Head of U.S Secretary of Health and Human Services | proud parent to 10,000 zygotes
“Someone showed me the website that said that CDC is now promoting the disproven link between vaccines and autism… But since I can no longer read, I can’t look at the CDC website, so now I don’t know if he lied to me, which is really convenient”
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Senator Bill Cassidy Explains He Can No Longer Read
The Louisiana Senator claims he can no longer read right before CDC changed its website to link vaccines & autism
open.substack.com
November 24, 2025 at 4:49 PM
“Someone showed me the website that said that CDC is now promoting the disproven link between vaccines and autism… But since I can no longer read, I can’t look at the CDC website, so now I don’t know if he lied to me, which is really convenient”
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open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
Additionally, Miller is sexually attracted to feet which his wife has stopped showing him, according to Michael Wolff.
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open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
Stephen Miller Retracts Insurrection Statement: “I Meant to Say I Have Erectile Dysfunction & a Small Penis”
WASHINGTON, DC - In an incredibly rare statement from the Trump Administration, DHS advisor Stephen Miller appeared on TV to apologize regarding statements he made claiming that Democratic lawmakers w...
open.substack.com
November 22, 2025 at 3:04 AM
Additionally, Miller is sexually attracted to feet which his wife has stopped showing him, according to Michael Wolff.
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Miller then spent approximately 10 minutes in the FoxNews interview explaining how small and dysfunctional his penis is, comparing it to “a flat tire,” “a banana peel that has been trampled on,” and “a not very well endowed gerbil’s penis”
open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
Stephen Miller Retracts Insurrection Statement: “I Meant to Say I Have Erectile Dysfunction & a Small Penis”
WASHINGTON, DC - In an incredibly rare statement from the Trump Administration, DHS advisor Stephen Miller appeared on TV to apologize regarding statements he made claiming that Democratic lawmakers w...
open.substack.com
November 21, 2025 at 6:05 PM
Miller then spent approximately 10 minutes in the FoxNews interview explaining how small and dysfunctional his penis is, comparing it to “a flat tire,” “a banana peel that has been trampled on,” and “a not very well endowed gerbil’s penis”
open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
“If these motherfuckers continue to just spread misery instead of cheer, I’m personally going to find their goddamn asses on Christmas and spank the ever living fuck out of them” stated Santa Claus. #cdc #autism #rfkj #christmascheer
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open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
“This Motherfucking Piece of Shit Needs to Learn a Goddamn Lesson” - Santa Claus Announces RFK Jr Permanently on Naughty List
SANTA CLAUS’ WORKSHOP, NORTH POLE - As the North Pole gears up for the Christmas Season, Santa Claus took to the podium in a rare pre-christmas announcement.
open.substack.com
November 20, 2025 at 2:55 PM
“If these motherfuckers continue to just spread misery instead of cheer, I’m personally going to find their goddamn asses on Christmas and spank the ever living fuck out of them” stated Santa Claus. #cdc #autism #rfkj #christmascheer
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open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
Interestingly the Secretary made clear that Jeffrey Epstein is not involved; “I have spoken to Larry Summers often and he is one of the only people I trust on both dating and on the innocence of Jeffrey Epstein”.
#publichealth #hhs #satire #rfkjr
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#publichealth #hhs #satire #rfkjr
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HHS Sec Claims Aluminum is Personally Out To Get Him
WASHINGTON, DC - RFK Jr announced Tuesday that aluminum was personally out to get him, and has created a vast and complex conspiracy that involves autism, a top secret alien cabals, the Rothschilds, a...
open.substack.com
November 19, 2025 at 3:09 PM
Interestingly the Secretary made clear that Jeffrey Epstein is not involved; “I have spoken to Larry Summers often and he is one of the only people I trust on both dating and on the innocence of Jeffrey Epstein”.
#publichealth #hhs #satire #rfkjr
open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
#publichealth #hhs #satire #rfkjr
open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
Questions remain regarding Kennedy’s leadership of the agency, and whether his weird creepy behavior towards women makes him a possible front runner in the 2028 Republican Presidential race. #hhs #satire #rfkjr #olivianuzzi
Questions remain regarding Kennedy’s leadership of the agency, and whether his weird creepy behavior towards women makes him a possible front runner in the 2028 Republican Presidential race. #hhs #satire #rfkjr #olivianuzzi
RFK Jr Holds Press Briefing: Clarifies He Currently Isn’t on Drugs, Not Getting Anyone in Room Pregnant
WASHINGTON, DC - After bombshell leaks from the upcoming memoir by journalist and former “situationship” romantic partner to HHS Secretary RFK Jr.
open.substack.com
November 17, 2025 at 4:06 PM
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Questions remain regarding Kennedy’s leadership of the agency, and whether his weird creepy behavior towards women makes him a possible front runner in the 2028 Republican Presidential race. #hhs #satire #rfkjr #olivianuzzi
Questions remain regarding Kennedy’s leadership of the agency, and whether his weird creepy behavior towards women makes him a possible front runner in the 2028 Republican Presidential race. #hhs #satire #rfkjr #olivianuzzi
A mysterious illness impacting Republican Leaders who see Epstein File
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Scientists Discover Rare Case of Amnesia, Other Strange Symptoms Among Republican Leaders Who Have Read Epstein Files
"It’s like “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” except no one’s face melts off" claims one Democratic Congresswoman privy to the situation.
open.substack.com
November 13, 2025 at 9:47 PM
A mysterious illness impacting Republican Leaders who see Epstein File
open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
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“After two hours, however, it seems that Astaroth became frustrated, yelled “alright you guys this is ridiculous, I’m done” and left soon after, most likely to go to Los Angeles to celebrate with the Los Angeles Dodger’s World Series win.”
“After two hours, however, it seems that Astaroth became frustrated, yelled “alright you guys this is ridiculous, I’m done” and left soon after, most likely to go to Los Angeles to celebrate with the Los Angeles Dodger’s World Series win.”
Latest Attempt to Reopen Government Spawns Dark Lord Astaroth the Destroyer
As the shutdown enters week 6, Congress attempts to use unconventional means to end the shutdown
substack.com
November 4, 2025 at 9:58 PM
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“After two hours, however, it seems that Astaroth became frustrated, yelled “alright you guys this is ridiculous, I’m done” and left soon after, most likely to go to Los Angeles to celebrate with the Los Angeles Dodger’s World Series win.”
“After two hours, however, it seems that Astaroth became frustrated, yelled “alright you guys this is ridiculous, I’m done” and left soon after, most likely to go to Los Angeles to celebrate with the Los Angeles Dodger’s World Series win.”
“The US Department of State issued a short memo saying that “Shan Yu has been smuggling in Fentanyl to the US using Venezuelan boats or something…so that’s why we have to get down to business to defeat the Huns. And invade Venezuela”.”
substack.com/@theweeklyne...
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Trump-Xi Summit Agree to Get Down to Business to Defeat Huns, Fentanyl
Both nations propose a framework on how to get down to business and defeat the Huns under ruthless warlord Shan Yu. There was also something about Fentanyl in there too.
substack.com
November 4, 2025 at 9:55 PM
“The US Department of State issued a short memo saying that “Shan Yu has been smuggling in Fentanyl to the US using Venezuelan boats or something…so that’s why we have to get down to business to defeat the Huns. And invade Venezuela”.”
substack.com/@theweeklyne...
substack.com/@theweeklyne...
October 3, 2025 at 9:10 PM
“When asked to clarify his statement Andrew Hillkop, a spokesman for the president shrugged his shoulders and said “I barely know what the fuck is going on anymore”.”
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To Protect Americans From Long and Healthy Lives, President Trump Orders Shutdown of Key CDC Offices During Shutdown
(Atlanta, GA)
open.substack.com
October 3, 2025 at 3:45 PM
“When asked to clarify his statement Andrew Hillkop, a spokesman for the president shrugged his shoulders and said “I barely know what the fuck is going on anymore”.”
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Opinion: I KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT VACCINES AND I WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT IT by Dr. Bobby Malone
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Opinion: I KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT VACCINES AND I WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT IT by Dr. Bobby Malone
In a first for The Weekly Needle, we have been asked by Dr.
open.substack.com
October 1, 2025 at 1:09 PM
Opinion: I KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT VACCINES AND I WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT IT by Dr. Bobby Malone
open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
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The Weekly Needle Explains: the looming government shutdown and how it will impact your health
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The Weekly Needle Explains: Government Shutdown and Your Health
(Washington DC)
substack.com
October 1, 2025 at 1:24 AM
The Weekly Needle Explains: the looming government shutdown and how it will impact your health
substack.com/@theweeklyne...
substack.com/@theweeklyne...
Lyn Redwood pushes to reschedule Vitamin D based on intergalactic threat from aliens, Claims Man at Bus Stop
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New Health Policy Based on Ramblings of Man at Bus Stop that Lyn Redwood Met
(Washington, DC)
open.substack.com
September 30, 2025 at 5:54 PM
Lyn Redwood pushes to reschedule Vitamin D based on intergalactic threat from aliens, Claims Man at Bus Stop
open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
“Don’t feed your kids or pets nicotine strips you dense motherfuckers” says the FDA
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FDA Reminds Americans Yet Again Not to Feed Nicotine Strips to Children and Pets in Expletive-filled Statement
(Silver Spring, MD)
open.substack.com
September 30, 2025 at 5:23 PM
“Don’t feed your kids or pets nicotine strips you dense motherfuckers” says the FDA
open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
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Hi world! I know it’s been a minute but happy to announce some big news. I am now the founder, editor, and contributor of the Weekly Needle, the best source for satire medical advice! Please consider subscribing!
open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
New Health Policy Based on Ramblings of Man at Bus Stop that Lyn Redwood Met
(Washington, DC)
open.substack.com
September 30, 2025 at 4:22 PM
Hi world! I know it’s been a minute but happy to announce some big news. I am now the founder, editor, and contributor of the Weekly Needle, the best source for satire medical advice! Please consider subscribing!
open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
open.substack.com/pub/theweekl...
Any it’s been a minute. But joke’s aside my appendage is a fucking asshole
August 11, 2025 at 12:27 AM
Any it’s been a minute. But joke’s aside my appendage is a fucking asshole
While this may be true, i can promise you those puppies are up on their anti-worm medication so i think they are bad. 0/10 military puppies
June 18, 2025 at 5:55 PM
While this may be true, i can promise you those puppies are up on their anti-worm medication so i think they are bad. 0/10 military puppies