Jon Tucker
@handicapper8.bsky.social
Highly suggestible
Montreal
Author of Flying Objects, Putz Of The Century.
Montreal
Author of Flying Objects, Putz Of The Century.
Pinned
Jon Tucker
@handicapper8.bsky.social
· Oct 16
Back when I was a kid, the scariest thing in literature was a footprint.
I blame non-conformity for most of my woes. I blame that second Whopper for the remainder of my woes.*
*no whoppers were eaten in the creation of this inane post
*no whoppers were eaten in the creation of this inane post
December 13, 2025 at 6:41 PM
I blame non-conformity for most of my woes. I blame that second Whopper for the remainder of my woes.*
*no whoppers were eaten in the creation of this inane post
*no whoppers were eaten in the creation of this inane post
Reposted by Jon Tucker
Tech bros shocked that normal human beings enjoy thinking
December 5, 2025 at 6:08 PM
Tech bros shocked that normal human beings enjoy thinking
If your recipe calls for celery, you're doing something wrong.
December 12, 2025 at 6:50 PM
If your recipe calls for celery, you're doing something wrong.
If I had children, they'd know how to cook for me by now.
December 6, 2025 at 9:21 PM
If I had children, they'd know how to cook for me by now.
Wanted an omelet this morning but made the mistake of spending $30.2 million on one Fabergé egg.
December 2, 2025 at 8:14 PM
Wanted an omelet this morning but made the mistake of spending $30.2 million on one Fabergé egg.
Don't forget to kiss your middle fingers before sending them out.
December 2, 2025 at 5:09 PM
Don't forget to kiss your middle fingers before sending them out.
Reposted by Jon Tucker
CDC website altered at Robert F. Kennedy's behest to reflect his belief that "all events depicted in the film Ghostbusters really happened."
November 26, 2025 at 6:10 PM
CDC website altered at Robert F. Kennedy's behest to reflect his belief that "all events depicted in the film Ghostbusters really happened."
Is it wrong for me to set a love story in 1985? Asking for a friend.
November 18, 2025 at 7:46 PM
Is it wrong for me to set a love story in 1985? Asking for a friend.
Doesn't matter where I am, I clap at the end of every song.
November 15, 2025 at 8:42 PM
Doesn't matter where I am, I clap at the end of every song.
Physically, I could make 90. Mentally and emotionally, no way.
November 13, 2025 at 9:16 PM
Physically, I could make 90. Mentally and emotionally, no way.
No Memory November. When I forget everyone's birthdays.
November 11, 2025 at 5:12 PM
No Memory November. When I forget everyone's birthdays.
Unlike most people, my b.o. is delicious. Sausage and peppers, mustard and onions, and sometimes I emit the aroma of banana.
November 11, 2025 at 3:41 PM
Unlike most people, my b.o. is delicious. Sausage and peppers, mustard and onions, and sometimes I emit the aroma of banana.
If I traveled back in time, I'd probably just go shopping. Past era prices, man!
November 9, 2025 at 9:40 PM
If I traveled back in time, I'd probably just go shopping. Past era prices, man!
I've been finding out for 20 years. Can't even remember the last time I fucked around.
November 6, 2025 at 5:08 PM
I've been finding out for 20 years. Can't even remember the last time I fucked around.
Reposted by Jon Tucker
Weapons of Mass Delicatessen
Border Patrol agent Lairmore testifies that he was not injured by the sandwich, but he felt the impact through his ballistic vest.
The sandwich came apart and "kind of exploded" on his chest upon impact, he says.
"I could smell the onions and mustard."
The sandwich came apart and "kind of exploded" on his chest upon impact, he says.
"I could smell the onions and mustard."
November 4, 2025 at 5:17 PM
Weapons of Mass Delicatessen
October 31, 2025 at 10:51 PM
In a twist of fate, Katy Perry is now the Prime Minister of Canada.
Constitutionally, every one of us must now learn how to dance in high heels and lose 25 lbs in two days.
Constitutionally, every one of us must now learn how to dance in high heels and lose 25 lbs in two days.
October 26, 2025 at 6:22 PM
In a twist of fate, Katy Perry is now the Prime Minister of Canada.
Constitutionally, every one of us must now learn how to dance in high heels and lose 25 lbs in two days.
Constitutionally, every one of us must now learn how to dance in high heels and lose 25 lbs in two days.
My whole mood changes when there's ice cream in the freezer.
My feet wanna dance and my throat wants to sing. I bob and weave past the flying fists of bad thoughts. I sit down with my furniture and tell them old, clunky pieces that I love them.
My feet wanna dance and my throat wants to sing. I bob and weave past the flying fists of bad thoughts. I sit down with my furniture and tell them old, clunky pieces that I love them.
October 26, 2025 at 4:32 PM
My whole mood changes when there's ice cream in the freezer.
My feet wanna dance and my throat wants to sing. I bob and weave past the flying fists of bad thoughts. I sit down with my furniture and tell them old, clunky pieces that I love them.
My feet wanna dance and my throat wants to sing. I bob and weave past the flying fists of bad thoughts. I sit down with my furniture and tell them old, clunky pieces that I love them.
The thief I just caught: I'll see you in Hell.
Me: No, you won't.
Me: No, you won't.
October 26, 2025 at 12:29 PM
The thief I just caught: I'll see you in Hell.
Me: No, you won't.
Me: No, you won't.
All food should be served in candy bar form.
October 20, 2025 at 5:45 PM
All food should be served in candy bar form.
Back when I was a kid, the scariest thing in literature was a footprint.
October 16, 2025 at 9:01 PM
Back when I was a kid, the scariest thing in literature was a footprint.
Life Lesson - Don’t sew up the hole in the crotch of your sweatpants while wearing the sweatpants.
October 14, 2025 at 3:23 PM
Life Lesson - Don’t sew up the hole in the crotch of your sweatpants while wearing the sweatpants.
Michael Corleone: “It’s okay, we can walk to the curb.”
October 12, 2025 at 12:38 AM
Michael Corleone: “It’s okay, we can walk to the curb.”