Don't even know why im venting either, no one is going to read this or care. I should just throw myself off the room and be done with it.

Feeling suicidal again.

Earlier this year I had a chance to go the the MN state ren faire, but I didn't want to go alone. I spent a couple months trying to find someone to go with me but people kept telling me it was too early to plan to go...

...right up until it wasn't and suddenly it was too

I can feel myself slipping into bad thought and self harm territory again.

This time I at least have some idea why, that being my cry for help wasn't just ignored, but It was subtweeted and used as a callout for why people shouldn't be sad posting.

If you have a problem maybe you should take it up

Been debating if I want to call out the person who hurt me for years. The issue is no one will believe me, and even if they do they won't care because that person is too big and famous now. Still incredibly bitter and angry at them for everything.

Fuck you man. Fuck you.

Cuts still healing. That big one has been that same color for days now so I don't know if it's goong to heal.

CW: Self harm, suicidal thoughts, severe depression.

Been trying to figure out how to say this for over a day now, there is no easy way to do it, so I am just going to come out and say it.

On Thursday night I had a mental breakdown, a bad one. And I started cutting myself.

Dancing around it on main, but I am feeling extremely suicidal right now. I am tired of being left out and alone. I'm tired of fighting every day. I'm tired of being alive. Just saying this is going to make people think it's just me wanting attention, what I WANT is to feel included. I'm so tired

Hey, conservatives, this isn't the "gotcha" you think it is. What you are saying here is that you can't feel empathy, and can't fathom feeling how someone else feels. You are admitting you lack basic compassion and understanding.

Fucking morons. Also, I muted r/conservative and it still shows up

Today has been... Rough. I've had multiple angry customers who are mad at the fact I couldn't break a $100 bill for them, our bathrooms are STILL down...

And had two separate people that legitimately made me fear for my life.

One was wearing a hoodie that read "Dead pedos don't reoffend" and

More venting because I'm just... So fucking depressed.

I want to ask for financial help to get my PC updated, the problem is it's not an essential. At least not in the sense that like... Food, or bills are essential. It's essential in the sense In use it daily for entertainment, communication, and

I am worried I've started to take on a nihilistic view of the world due to repeatedly being abused and used by most of the people I chose to trust. It makes me feel like I don't matter, because to them I don't. It doesn't matter what I do, doesn't matter if I do the right thing or the wrong thing.

We all just going to pretend like conservatives haven't gone full fascist?

They literally threatened to arrest dems who try to return to texas, who fled because of all the gerrymandering and fascism happening.

Like... What, the, fuck? This is insane. Why is this happening? Why isn't anyone

I know I shouldn't be bitter and angry over someone else's success, but I am. I am angry that that someone who actively hurt me is now extremely successful. And no one will ever believe me.

It's upsetting when I see them sending free stuff to everyone else, after lying about sending me a birthday

I don't even know what I want in life anymore. I am in my thirties, I have no goals, no prospects, my interests have all slowly become unfun chores or just pointless...

I don't know what to do, I feel completely hopeless and alone right now. And I know I'm not, I know objectively I'm not alone, I

Why are people so fucking stupid? and yeah I am trying to avoid being so obviously baited by people who are clearly trying to muddy the conversation or distract from it entirely. Like this moron who literally ignored the point I was making to get bogged down by definitions of words.

I hate going to my second job. No bathrooms, AC barely works and the main area of the station has 9+ pop coolers in it which generates an insane amount of heat, and the register is in a small glass box that cooks me alive at work.

Also I unsubbed form filmcow finally, I should have ages ago, like right after they picked up the charlie kickstarter cash and then spent like 5 years NOT working on it and then not even finishing the damn thing. Yes, I AM still bitter about it.

People always say relationships aren't one sided. And I agree, they aren't, it's a balance. People then follow that up with "What do you bring to the table?" And... Nothing, I bring nothing. I have no useful skills, I am asexual, I literally have nothing to offer anyone.