Dave Merritt
@goldenseals67.bsky.social
songwriter / game show host / invented reggae
Nothing in my life is more bittersweet than being entitled to the Thursday senior’s discount at Shopper’s Drug Mart.
November 14, 2025 at 2:28 AM
Nothing in my life is more bittersweet than being entitled to the Thursday senior’s discount at Shopper’s Drug Mart.
This seems good. More of this. Now if we can just get those currently serving in all branches of the military to do the same…
November 10, 2025 at 7:04 PM
This seems good. More of this. Now if we can just get those currently serving in all branches of the military to do the same…
“Last night, the 2030 Grammy Awards were hosted by Jimmy Fallon and Sarah Jessica Parker.”
November 9, 2025 at 3:52 PM
“Last night, the 2030 Grammy Awards were hosted by Jimmy Fallon and Sarah Jessica Parker.”
TOP 5 WORST POET AILMENTS:
5. Robert Frostbite
4. Tennyson Elbow
3. Edna St. Vincent Malaise
2: TIE: Edgar Allan Polio / Shellshock Silverstein
1. Rumitism
5. Robert Frostbite
4. Tennyson Elbow
3. Edna St. Vincent Malaise
2: TIE: Edgar Allan Polio / Shellshock Silverstein
1. Rumitism
November 9, 2025 at 12:06 AM
TOP 5 WORST POET AILMENTS:
5. Robert Frostbite
4. Tennyson Elbow
3. Edna St. Vincent Malaise
2: TIE: Edgar Allan Polio / Shellshock Silverstein
1. Rumitism
5. Robert Frostbite
4. Tennyson Elbow
3. Edna St. Vincent Malaise
2: TIE: Edgar Allan Polio / Shellshock Silverstein
1. Rumitism
Accidentally put sonar panels on my roof, which does nothing for our hydro bill, but we can detect a German U-boat at 1100 meters.
November 7, 2025 at 2:10 AM
Accidentally put sonar panels on my roof, which does nothing for our hydro bill, but we can detect a German U-boat at 1100 meters.
This is a terrible 1-2 punch. Insult to injury for us Jays fans.
November 4, 2025 at 3:30 AM
This is a terrible 1-2 punch. Insult to injury for us Jays fans.
Just noticed that Davis Schneider uses bats made just a few minutes from my house here in Mississippi Mills, Ontario. SamBat also happens to be my personal bat of choice, so, in a sense, I played a small part in that first pitch dinger tonight. Or whatever.
October 30, 2025 at 4:11 AM
Just noticed that Davis Schneider uses bats made just a few minutes from my house here in Mississippi Mills, Ontario. SamBat also happens to be my personal bat of choice, so, in a sense, I played a small part in that first pitch dinger tonight. Or whatever.
I DID NOT KNOW THIS: Each year, on the Sunday after the first ecclesiastical full moon that occurs on or after March 21st, many celebrate Yeaster, commemorating that time long ago when cheeses first rose from the bread. But in tony Orlando, at dawn, some folks celebrate what they call Candida Day.
October 29, 2025 at 6:13 PM
I DID NOT KNOW THIS: Each year, on the Sunday after the first ecclesiastical full moon that occurs on or after March 21st, many celebrate Yeaster, commemorating that time long ago when cheeses first rose from the bread. But in tony Orlando, at dawn, some folks celebrate what they call Candida Day.
Reposted by Dave Merritt
The "hard-men" of Gondor were getting their shit kicked in until they were rescued by foreigners and a girl.
The Shire was doing fine until they let a fascist demagogue ("Sharkey" aka Saruman) take over, close the gates, impose a bunch of thug-enforced rules, and despoil nature for profit.
The Shire was doing fine until they let a fascist demagogue ("Sharkey" aka Saruman) take over, close the gates, impose a bunch of thug-enforced rules, and despoil nature for profit.
October 29, 2025 at 10:36 AM
The "hard-men" of Gondor were getting their shit kicked in until they were rescued by foreigners and a girl.
The Shire was doing fine until they let a fascist demagogue ("Sharkey" aka Saruman) take over, close the gates, impose a bunch of thug-enforced rules, and despoil nature for profit.
The Shire was doing fine until they let a fascist demagogue ("Sharkey" aka Saruman) take over, close the gates, impose a bunch of thug-enforced rules, and despoil nature for profit.
A great series so far. Love seeing opposing players interact with respect & joy, like they’re actually having fun whilst competing like hell. Losing team should lineup on the field & shake the winners’ hands instead of disappearing into the clubhouse like sore losers. NHL does it right. #WorldSeries
October 29, 2025 at 2:11 PM
A great series so far. Love seeing opposing players interact with respect & joy, like they’re actually having fun whilst competing like hell. Losing team should lineup on the field & shake the winners’ hands instead of disappearing into the clubhouse like sore losers. NHL does it right. #WorldSeries
I DID NOT KNOW THIS: The name Sally is short for Salamander.
October 28, 2025 at 10:38 PM
I DID NOT KNOW THIS: The name Sally is short for Salamander.
I’ll sing the goddamn Canadian national anthem at the game tonight. At least I know the song.
October 28, 2025 at 7:37 PM
I’ll sing the goddamn Canadian national anthem at the game tonight. At least I know the song.
You hold him at third there, Jesus Christ
October 28, 2025 at 3:55 AM
You hold him at third there, Jesus Christ
Max Muncy, or as I like to call him, Hefty Bono.
#WorldSeries
#WorldSeries
October 28, 2025 at 3:36 AM
Max Muncy, or as I like to call him, Hefty Bono.
#WorldSeries
#WorldSeries
October 26, 2025 at 12:20 AM
2 hours before the game, Davis Schneider busted two drug dealers in Etobicoke in an undercover sting.
#WorldSeries
#WorldSeries
October 25, 2025 at 12:54 AM
2 hours before the game, Davis Schneider busted two drug dealers in Etobicoke in an undercover sting.
#WorldSeries
#WorldSeries
My 18-year-old daughter just sent me a song by The Blue Nile, a band I’ve never mentioned to her before, and I may weep. My work is done.
October 23, 2025 at 12:37 AM
My 18-year-old daughter just sent me a song by The Blue Nile, a band I’ve never mentioned to her before, and I may weep. My work is done.
TOP 5 WORST INTERIOR DECORATOR FILMS:
5. Planet of the Drapes
4. Ottoman New York
3. Sofas Choice
2. The Blinds Side
1. The Paper Chaise
5. Planet of the Drapes
4. Ottoman New York
3. Sofas Choice
2. The Blinds Side
1. The Paper Chaise
October 21, 2025 at 3:28 PM
TOP 5 WORST INTERIOR DECORATOR FILMS:
5. Planet of the Drapes
4. Ottoman New York
3. Sofas Choice
2. The Blinds Side
1. The Paper Chaise
5. Planet of the Drapes
4. Ottoman New York
3. Sofas Choice
2. The Blinds Side
1. The Paper Chaise
Peeps are calling for this to be officially entered into the lexicon, and I’m down with that. I could use a break.
October 6, 2025 at 9:45 PM
Peeps are calling for this to be officially entered into the lexicon, and I’m down with that. I could use a break.
Sorry, but pretty much the highest compliment you could receive right now is to be told that something you’ve done is “Un-American.”
October 3, 2025 at 5:37 PM
Sorry, but pretty much the highest compliment you could receive right now is to be told that something you’ve done is “Un-American.”
TOP 5 WORST DENTAL HIP HOP ARTISTS:
5. Big Daddy Novocaine
4. TIE: Kool Molar Dee / Ghostface Drillah
3. The Roots Canal
2. TIE: TMJ-Z / Cardi B-40
1. Toothpac Shakur
#Top5Worst
5. Big Daddy Novocaine
4. TIE: Kool Molar Dee / Ghostface Drillah
3. The Roots Canal
2. TIE: TMJ-Z / Cardi B-40
1. Toothpac Shakur
#Top5Worst
September 27, 2025 at 3:05 PM
TOP 5 WORST DENTAL HIP HOP ARTISTS:
5. Big Daddy Novocaine
4. TIE: Kool Molar Dee / Ghostface Drillah
3. The Roots Canal
2. TIE: TMJ-Z / Cardi B-40
1. Toothpac Shakur
#Top5Worst
5. Big Daddy Novocaine
4. TIE: Kool Molar Dee / Ghostface Drillah
3. The Roots Canal
2. TIE: TMJ-Z / Cardi B-40
1. Toothpac Shakur
#Top5Worst
This is a pretty odd coincidence considering the day, but I can’t believe the Toronto Raptures just signed a guy named Tylenol Kimmel. You can’t make this stuff up…
September 23, 2025 at 9:41 PM
This is a pretty odd coincidence considering the day, but I can’t believe the Toronto Raptures just signed a guy named Tylenol Kimmel. You can’t make this stuff up…
TOP 5 WORST REALITY SHOWS:
5. Courtney Love Island
4. DHS Cribs
3. Jersey Shore Leave
2. TIE: Survivor (the band)/Real Houseflies of Salt Lake City
1. Shart Tank
5. Courtney Love Island
4. DHS Cribs
3. Jersey Shore Leave
2. TIE: Survivor (the band)/Real Houseflies of Salt Lake City
1. Shart Tank
September 23, 2025 at 4:01 PM
TOP 5 WORST REALITY SHOWS:
5. Courtney Love Island
4. DHS Cribs
3. Jersey Shore Leave
2. TIE: Survivor (the band)/Real Houseflies of Salt Lake City
1. Shart Tank
5. Courtney Love Island
4. DHS Cribs
3. Jersey Shore Leave
2. TIE: Survivor (the band)/Real Houseflies of Salt Lake City
1. Shart Tank
If there’s one celebrity who is absolutely talentless except for her ability to deliver your groceries, it’s probably Kim DoorDashian.
September 23, 2025 at 2:22 AM
If there’s one celebrity who is absolutely talentless except for her ability to deliver your groceries, it’s probably Kim DoorDashian.
TOP 5 WORST BEATLES SCI-FI SONGS:
5. Mothra My Dear
4. I Am the WALL-E
3. Get Back to the Future
2. TIE: The Long and Winding Road Warrior / Doc Ocktopuss’s Garden
1. Ellen O. Ripley
5. Mothra My Dear
4. I Am the WALL-E
3. Get Back to the Future
2. TIE: The Long and Winding Road Warrior / Doc Ocktopuss’s Garden
1. Ellen O. Ripley
September 21, 2025 at 5:21 PM
TOP 5 WORST BEATLES SCI-FI SONGS:
5. Mothra My Dear
4. I Am the WALL-E
3. Get Back to the Future
2. TIE: The Long and Winding Road Warrior / Doc Ocktopuss’s Garden
1. Ellen O. Ripley
5. Mothra My Dear
4. I Am the WALL-E
3. Get Back to the Future
2. TIE: The Long and Winding Road Warrior / Doc Ocktopuss’s Garden
1. Ellen O. Ripley