Evan Diem Human Man
@evandiem.bsky.social
Your friend’s cool friend. The mind behind the “Evan Diem” family of products.
Girls be like “he has to know I’m flirting with him, I have been acting so bizarre every time he’s around.”
October 8, 2025 at 2:05 PM
Girls be like “he has to know I’m flirting with him, I have been acting so bizarre every time he’s around.”
Her: is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Me, ridiculously turned on by laundromats: you’re never gonna believe this
Me, ridiculously turned on by laundromats: you’re never gonna believe this
September 30, 2025 at 4:24 PM
Her: is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Me, ridiculously turned on by laundromats: you’re never gonna believe this
Me, ridiculously turned on by laundromats: you’re never gonna believe this
White ladies love coughing and sneezing into their open palms
September 20, 2025 at 4:00 PM
White ladies love coughing and sneezing into their open palms
Meta Ray-Bans?? Oh, you mean Personal Pan Opticon??
September 18, 2025 at 7:48 PM
Meta Ray-Bans?? Oh, you mean Personal Pan Opticon??
Feminist Shakespeare be like:
Much a dude about nothing
Much a dude about nothing
September 18, 2025 at 3:20 AM
Feminist Shakespeare be like:
Much a dude about nothing
Much a dude about nothing
Running a D&D campaign where my party has to travel into deep, dark crevices to fight all the big evil enemies.
I just wanna see if I can give someone multiple orc chasms.
I just wanna see if I can give someone multiple orc chasms.
September 16, 2025 at 3:32 AM
Running a D&D campaign where my party has to travel into deep, dark crevices to fight all the big evil enemies.
I just wanna see if I can give someone multiple orc chasms.
I just wanna see if I can give someone multiple orc chasms.
If it were actually a good comedy they’d have called it “It’s Always Funny In Sillydelphia” but they didn’t
September 11, 2025 at 7:11 PM
If it were actually a good comedy they’d have called it “It’s Always Funny In Sillydelphia” but they didn’t
"Damn mercury retrograde got me fucked up 😩🤪🥴"
~ someone whose life is always like that
~ someone whose life is always like that
September 9, 2025 at 7:26 PM
"Damn mercury retrograde got me fucked up 😩🤪🥴"
~ someone whose life is always like that
~ someone whose life is always like that
People really sleep on alcohol literally being poison. I know in terms of toxicity it is on the lower side of how much it kills you but still!
Someone will be like “man I drank too much last night and I feel terrible” like yes bro ye doth imbibed a poison most foul, tf!?
Someone will be like “man I drank too much last night and I feel terrible” like yes bro ye doth imbibed a poison most foul, tf!?
September 5, 2025 at 6:13 PM
People really sleep on alcohol literally being poison. I know in terms of toxicity it is on the lower side of how much it kills you but still!
Someone will be like “man I drank too much last night and I feel terrible” like yes bro ye doth imbibed a poison most foul, tf!?
Someone will be like “man I drank too much last night and I feel terrible” like yes bro ye doth imbibed a poison most foul, tf!?
Putting a capo on your boobs to turn them from Bs to Cs
September 3, 2025 at 12:20 AM
Putting a capo on your boobs to turn them from Bs to Cs
At the DMV updating to a REALSuperego
September 2, 2025 at 5:18 PM
At the DMV updating to a REALSuperego
“I don’t trust people who don’t like dogs” I don’t trust you either, because you’re taking your cues from dogs which is exactly what Son of Sam did and look how that turned out
August 28, 2025 at 10:41 PM
“I don’t trust people who don’t like dogs” I don’t trust you either, because you’re taking your cues from dogs which is exactly what Son of Sam did and look how that turned out
Using mosquitos to strategically put my blood into a slightly different location
August 24, 2025 at 2:23 AM
Using mosquitos to strategically put my blood into a slightly different location
Me and the homies taking shots of the stuff you put your Covid swabs in
August 23, 2025 at 4:37 PM
Me and the homies taking shots of the stuff you put your Covid swabs in
There’s no excuse for a cat being allowed to live to 20. You should not be having a 20th birthday party for an old-ass cat, you should be having a 5th or 6th memorial. Get real.
August 17, 2025 at 11:02 PM
There’s no excuse for a cat being allowed to live to 20. You should not be having a 20th birthday party for an old-ass cat, you should be having a 5th or 6th memorial. Get real.
When someone is “goated with the sauce” it just means “well hydrated”
August 17, 2025 at 5:57 PM
When someone is “goated with the sauce” it just means “well hydrated”
I got my blood drawn yesterday, I’m never going to vampire bingo ever again
August 11, 2025 at 2:22 PM
I got my blood drawn yesterday, I’m never going to vampire bingo ever again
It’s actually so dangerous to text and drive if you’re not doing swipe
August 11, 2025 at 2:17 PM
It’s actually so dangerous to text and drive if you’re not doing swipe
Classic rock cover band show tonight, Doors at 7:30
May 18, 2025 at 5:16 PM
Classic rock cover band show tonight, Doors at 7:30
The reason we use Red Dye 40 is because the first 39 killed you instantly
May 9, 2025 at 6:35 PM
The reason we use Red Dye 40 is because the first 39 killed you instantly
There needs to be a safe space for gay people who aren’t into drag or astrology
May 5, 2025 at 2:04 PM
There needs to be a safe space for gay people who aren’t into drag or astrology
4/20 Easter He is Resin 🙏
April 20, 2025 at 1:39 PM
4/20 Easter He is Resin 🙏
Reposted by Evan Diem Human Man
goodbye going-on-a-walk-because-you-have-to season, hello going-on-a-walk-because-you-want-to season!!!!!
April 14, 2025 at 11:57 PM
goodbye going-on-a-walk-because-you-have-to season, hello going-on-a-walk-because-you-want-to season!!!!!
Jeff Goldblum ain’t cancelled?? Really?? I don’t even know if he did anything just with his energy,,,it just feels like he should be
April 11, 2025 at 3:41 PM
Jeff Goldblum ain’t cancelled?? Really?? I don’t even know if he did anything just with his energy,,,it just feels like he should be
