Reposted by Neil
They're lovely when they're Jelly Babies, and Jelly Tots, but a Gelatine can be very challenging.
November 22, 2024 at 1:41 PM
They're lovely when they're Jelly Babies, and Jelly Tots, but a Gelatine can be very challenging.
Tonight must be the worst night to get an axe lodged in your head.
October 31, 2025 at 8:44 PM
Tonight must be the worst night to get an axe lodged in your head.
I just had a trick or treater dressed as my window cleaner.
Very convincing, he kept saying “You owe me for three weeks” and “I don’t want any fucking sweets”.
Hilarious!
Very convincing, he kept saying “You owe me for three weeks” and “I don’t want any fucking sweets”.
Hilarious!
October 31, 2025 at 5:42 PM
I just had a trick or treater dressed as my window cleaner.
Very convincing, he kept saying “You owe me for three weeks” and “I don’t want any fucking sweets”.
Hilarious!
Very convincing, he kept saying “You owe me for three weeks” and “I don’t want any fucking sweets”.
Hilarious!
- What have you come as?
- A Werewolf.
- But… they're your normal clothes.
- It's not a full moon.
- A Werewolf.
- But… they're your normal clothes.
- It's not a full moon.
October 29, 2025 at 3:38 PM
- What have you come as?
- A Werewolf.
- But… they're your normal clothes.
- It's not a full moon.
- A Werewolf.
- But… they're your normal clothes.
- It's not a full moon.
I remember when my dad caught me smoking in the garden.
As a punishment he made me eat all twenty kippers.
As a punishment he made me eat all twenty kippers.
October 28, 2025 at 7:10 PM
I remember when my dad caught me smoking in the garden.
As a punishment he made me eat all twenty kippers.
As a punishment he made me eat all twenty kippers.
Reposted by Neil
A large percentage of Lancastrian drag acts have a Wigan address.
January 8, 2024 at 9:24 PM
A large percentage of Lancastrian drag acts have a Wigan address.
Reposted by Neil
I often describe my friend as being sarky… but then he is a wry swine.
March 13, 2025 at 6:02 PM
I often describe my friend as being sarky… but then he is a wry swine.
Reposted by Neil
I just did the international sign for ‘Can I have the bill please?’ and the waiter brought me a stylophone.
October 26, 2025 at 8:59 AM
I just did the international sign for ‘Can I have the bill please?’ and the waiter brought me a stylophone.
Americans spell defence with an S, defense.
That’s undefencable.
That’s undefencable.
October 26, 2025 at 6:01 PM
Americans spell defence with an S, defense.
That’s undefencable.
That’s undefencable.
Early in his career the pop star Prince was a frog… obviously that was before Kiss.
October 26, 2025 at 9:06 AM
Early in his career the pop star Prince was a frog… obviously that was before Kiss.
I've just discovered there actually is a staircase behind our sofa.
All these years I've been laughing when my wife walked down it.
All these years I've been laughing when my wife walked down it.
October 26, 2025 at 9:03 AM
I've just discovered there actually is a staircase behind our sofa.
All these years I've been laughing when my wife walked down it.
All these years I've been laughing when my wife walked down it.
I just did the international sign for ‘Can I have the bill please?’ and the waiter brought me a stylophone.
October 26, 2025 at 8:59 AM
I just did the international sign for ‘Can I have the bill please?’ and the waiter brought me a stylophone.
I’m at the opticians.
Their eye chart’s so easy.
Their eye chart’s so easy.
October 18, 2025 at 9:49 AM
I’m at the opticians.
Their eye chart’s so easy.
Their eye chart’s so easy.
No matter how low I start the chorus of Take On Me, I’m always way too high by the end.
Did you mean a weakness relating to the job?
Did you mean a weakness relating to the job?
October 15, 2025 at 7:26 PM
No matter how low I start the chorus of Take On Me, I’m always way too high by the end.
Did you mean a weakness relating to the job?
Did you mean a weakness relating to the job?
Our local chippy’s started serving their fish and chips in old magazines.
I’m eating them out of house and home.
I’m eating them out of house and home.
October 6, 2025 at 12:22 PM
Our local chippy’s started serving their fish and chips in old magazines.
I’m eating them out of house and home.
I’m eating them out of house and home.
The thing I hate the most about a full moon is when my house turns into a warehouse.
October 5, 2025 at 5:43 PM
The thing I hate the most about a full moon is when my house turns into a warehouse.
My Grandad was highly decorated in World War Two. In fact, many people believe it was the tinsel on his helmet that got him shot.
October 4, 2025 at 9:25 AM
My Grandad was highly decorated in World War Two. In fact, many people believe it was the tinsel on his helmet that got him shot.
I had some cancer removed from the side of my nose on Wednesday.
I’ve got a decent shiner now, takes me back to my rugby days.
I’ve got a decent shiner now, takes me back to my rugby days.
October 3, 2025 at 7:17 AM
I had some cancer removed from the side of my nose on Wednesday.
I’ve got a decent shiner now, takes me back to my rugby days.
I’ve got a decent shiner now, takes me back to my rugby days.
Elvis hasn’t accepted my friend request on Facebook.
I bet it’s because I ain’t never caught a rabbit.
I bet it’s because I ain’t never caught a rabbit.
October 1, 2025 at 7:07 AM
Elvis hasn’t accepted my friend request on Facebook.
I bet it’s because I ain’t never caught a rabbit.
I bet it’s because I ain’t never caught a rabbit.
I've just made a ventriloquist dummy out of some old carpet… it's ruggish.
September 16, 2025 at 4:41 PM
I've just made a ventriloquist dummy out of some old carpet… it's ruggish.
Craig David’s on Sunday Brunch.
Decent booking that, he doesn’t usually do a lot today.
Decent booking that, he doesn’t usually do a lot today.
September 14, 2025 at 9:05 AM
Craig David’s on Sunday Brunch.
Decent booking that, he doesn’t usually do a lot today.
Decent booking that, he doesn’t usually do a lot today.
This was in the charity shop, but I’ve seen it… I think.
September 13, 2025 at 1:53 PM
This was in the charity shop, but I’ve seen it… I think.