ELFBOY
banner
elfboymusic.bsky.social
ELFBOY
@elfboymusic.bsky.social
elvish rapper
NATIVE ELFBOY - LORE (transformation 20)

legend says NATIVE ELFBOY may actually be BABY ELFBOY, who stole SCIENTIST ELFBOY’s time machine to escape his mom

aiming for a post-apocalyptic future, he mistakenly landed in prehistory, forcing him to live through the rise of humanity

#elfboy
November 28, 2025 at 12:10 AM
BABY ELFBOY - LORE (transformation 19)

biological parents: BABYSITTER ELFBOY + OFFICER ELFBOY

parents met when OFFICER ELFBOY arrested BABYSITTER ELFBOY for kidnapping CAT ELFBOY from her mother GILF ELFBOY

#elfboy #babyelfboy
November 20, 2025 at 11:23 PM
CAT ELFBOY - LORE (transformation 18)

whatever he fucks becomes sentient. pillows, vegetables, doesn’t matter

he uses a scratching post carved from the spines of ELFBOY transformations

he drinks milk straight from the source: his own nipples

#elfboy #catelfboy
November 14, 2025 at 12:37 AM
MILF ELFBOY (transformation 7)…

behind the scenes is a man whispering ‘please god let this go viral so my family finally notices me’

a byproduct of three tabs of acid and a pathological need to be misunderstood

#elfboy #milfelfboy
November 6, 2025 at 11:44 PM
AMPUTEE ELFBOY (transformation 29)…

i can’t reach rock bottom because i can’t reach anything

four limbs down

they said i couldn’t stand for anything. so i sat for everything

#elfboy #amputeeelfboy
November 2, 2025 at 8:16 PM
ELFBOY vs FEET…

middle-earth foot massage 101

legolas does this everyday

dobby too

#elfboy #elfboyvsfeet
October 30, 2025 at 10:53 PM
CANCER ELFBOY (transformation 28)…

bloodwork came back positive for bankruptcy

each iv bag comes with a complimentary reminder of poverty

they gave me a hospital bracelet and a lifelong debt fetish

i asked what was due and they said yes

#elfboy #cancerelfboy
October 24, 2025 at 4:00 PM
GOLD ELFBOY (transformation 1)…

a color for when you want to pretend you’re not poor

why process pent-up rage when you can bedazzle it

all gold everything, including the rash on my

somewhere under all this gold is a person who once ate paper clips to feel something

#elfboy #goldelfboy
October 23, 2025 at 10:17 PM
DILF ELFBOY (Transformation 27)…

if i flip this burger twelve times rebecca will love me again

told my son i’m proud of him. he said ‘thanks’ then i woke up

i put the ‘father’ in ‘why did you leave’

love language = silent car rides

you smell that? it’s divorce

#elfboy #dilfelfboy
October 17, 2025 at 4:06 PM
SILVER ELFBOY (Transformation 2)…

you call it schizophrenia. i call it schizophrenia. this is schizophrenia.

legolas’s unemployed cousin who DJs in mordor

(real talk: the early transformations were phoned-in. i didn’t take this seriously until patriot)

#elfboy #silverelfboy
October 16, 2025 at 10:06 PM
CUBICLE ELFBOY (Transformation 26)…

dress for the coffin you’ve been manifesting since birth

powered by folgers and crushed dreams

REPLY ALL ONE MORE TIME TRACY SEE WHAT HAPPENS

just one powerpoint away from powerpointing this gun

office supply request: 1 rope + 1 beam

#elfboy #cubicleelfboy
October 10, 2025 at 4:04 PM
CHEF ELFBOY (Transformation 5)…

food so good it makes u forget ur dead inside

this dessert is smoked, just like my childhood

if you can taste the depression add more salt

my signature dish is undercooked boundaries

cooking for two, eating for one, crying for three

#elfboy #chefelfboy
October 9, 2025 at 11:13 PM
CEO ELFBOY (Transformation 25)…

merrill lynch me harder, bitch

literal trickle-down economics

success is measured in orgasms per quarter

wake up at 5am. meditate. snort coke

i expect to see 20% growth assuming i don’t OD in ten minutes

#elfboy #ceoelfboy
October 3, 2025 at 4:28 PM
NUN ELFBOY (Transformation 13)…

turning “hail mary” into “rail mary.”

lighting candles just to melt them on my tits

they tried to burn him at the stake but he brought marshmallows

say three hail marys and spank yourself

forgive me father, for I have absolutely SLUTTED

#elfboy #nunelfboy
October 2, 2025 at 10:16 PM
BRIDE ELFBOY (Transformation 24)…

the guest list is shorter now

til death did us part

every bride wants a killer dress

my vows were short: DIE BITCH

the wedding playlist skipped to screams lol so weird

didn’t feel like curing my crippling abandonment issues

#elfboy #brideelfboy
September 26, 2025 at 4:23 PM
LIBTARD ELFBOY (Transformation 17)…

coming soon to ruin thanksgiving

if empathy was a felony i’d be serving life

fell down a marxist rabbit hole and emerged bisexual and 100% correct

if tiktok and portland had a lovechild and it survived the abortion

#elfboy #libtardelfboy
September 25, 2025 at 10:45 PM
CONSERVATARD ELFBOY (Transformation 16)…

he doesn’t believe in climate change, but he does believe the moon landing was gay

punches trees if they look ‘too european’

only shoots blanks unless he’s inside his cousin

healthcare is for cowards

#elfboy #conservatardelfboy
September 18, 2025 at 11:05 PM
AMISH ELFBOY (Transformation 23)…

horsepower: 1

barn’s full of hay, but he still feels empty

he makes butter scream

cornfield rave, BYO pitchfork

banned from the barn dance for feeding goats LSD

he’s the reason the hay bales scream at night

#elfboy #amishelfboy
September 12, 2025 at 4:08 PM
BABYSITTER ELFBOY (Transformation 12)…

ELFBOY’s babysitting service: now with 0% background checks

babysitter rating: 5 stars, 9 arrests, 6 identity changes

nap time’s easy when you chloroform yourself

i cook one meal, and i cook it well. meth

#elfboy #babysitterelfboy
September 11, 2025 at 10:15 PM
HOMELESS ELFBOY (Transformation 22)… literally me in five years

oh wow, you pay rent?

oh wow, four walls?

mine burned down before it existed

beds are cringe

mortgage due? i must’ve missed my invitation to slavery

who needs housing when despair is free?

#elfboy #homelesselfboy
September 5, 2025 at 4:22 PM
OFFICER ELFBOY (Transformation 14)… Legolas and Dobby are my backup

my precinct is middle-earth

i uphold the law the same way I uphold an erection. with tremendous difficulty

internal affairs tried to investigate me so i ate them

our precinct motto: oops

#elfboy #officerelfboy
September 4, 2025 at 11:35 PM
PATRIOT ELFBOY (Transformation 10)… i declare independence from pants

fifty states of grey

ELFBOY's guide to patriotism. step 1: confuse. step 2: confuse

the only bipartisan agreement here is that they’re both into it

boundaries? never heard of her

#elfboy #patriotelfboy
August 29, 2025 at 12:26 AM
ELFBOY - C**T (Official Audio) [Single 8]

a love letter written in gasoline

lube for the apocalypse

it came out sideways, screaming

#elfboy
August 22, 2025 at 4:21 PM
GILF ELFBOY (Transformation 15) - she faked her own death just to haunt your wet dreams

hot flash? more like hot trash

she’s got arthritis in her back and rage in her pussy

she’s the reason viagra is on backorder

has 99 problems and every single one is a dead husband

#elfboy #gilfelfboy
August 21, 2025 at 10:49 PM
CAT ELFBOY (TRANSFORMATION 18) - this is who I became after the break-up

cat-elf cosplay or mental illness? yes.

he once stared into the abyss and the abyss bought him tuna

he licks his own asshole and judges you for your life choices

he purrs, he plots, he pisses in a box

#elfboy #catelfboy
August 14, 2025 at 10:43 PM