Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet
@duncanwriter.bsky.social
Librocubicularist & writer, plotter of fictional crimes, Jack of all genres. Once called “brilliant” by Peter Straub. Bad joke proliferator. Buy my books at Fahrenheit Press.
Pinned
Hey #booklovers, if you like #mysteries and #thrillers then check Amazon for my #CozyMystery Kirby Baxter trilogy, starting with A MINT CONDITION CORPSE, & my Jake Mooney #thrillerbooks trilogy starting with HACK.
“What music do you want for the drive St. Thomas Aquinas?”
“We’ve known each other for 30 years, you can call me Tom.”
“Okay Tom, it’s your turn to pick the station.”
“The alternative station is doing a Pixies retrospective.”
“Yes they are.”
“Then let’s hit the road.”
“We’ve known each other for 30 years, you can call me Tom.”
“Okay Tom, it’s your turn to pick the station.”
“The alternative station is doing a Pixies retrospective.”
“Yes they are.”
“Then let’s hit the road.”
January 31, 2026 at 6:29 PM
“What music do you want for the drive St. Thomas Aquinas?”
“We’ve known each other for 30 years, you can call me Tom.”
“Okay Tom, it’s your turn to pick the station.”
“The alternative station is doing a Pixies retrospective.”
“Yes they are.”
“Then let’s hit the road.”
“We’ve known each other for 30 years, you can call me Tom.”
“Okay Tom, it’s your turn to pick the station.”
“The alternative station is doing a Pixies retrospective.”
“Yes they are.”
“Then let’s hit the road.”
I remember seeing it for the first time when I was a little kid, and I had stayed up late to watch a special on experimental video on PBS.
Happy 45th birthday to Once in a Lifetime by Talking Heads, released as a single on this day in 1981. Here's David introducing that video
January 30, 2026 at 2:14 PM
I remember seeing it for the first time when I was a little kid, and I had stayed up late to watch a special on experimental video on PBS.
“To do list:
Do NOT forget to buy some new shirts again.”
Do NOT forget to buy some new shirts again.”
January 24, 2026 at 5:13 PM
“To do list:
Do NOT forget to buy some new shirts again.”
Do NOT forget to buy some new shirts again.”
“Dammit Jim, quit beaming me up when I’m about to get busy with a sexy Andorian Engineer who is looking to check out my warp drive!”
“I’m sorry Bones, but the galaxy is in danger. So please tuck your wedding tackle back in your pants.”
“Never! It’s a matter of principle now!”
“I’m sorry Bones, but the galaxy is in danger. So please tuck your wedding tackle back in your pants.”
“Never! It’s a matter of principle now!”
January 24, 2026 at 2:55 AM
“Dammit Jim, quit beaming me up when I’m about to get busy with a sexy Andorian Engineer who is looking to check out my warp drive!”
“I’m sorry Bones, but the galaxy is in danger. So please tuck your wedding tackle back in your pants.”
“Never! It’s a matter of principle now!”
“I’m sorry Bones, but the galaxy is in danger. So please tuck your wedding tackle back in your pants.”
“Never! It’s a matter of principle now!”
“Seriously, why is England so damn swampy? I was told I was going to the British Museum and getting star treatment from their Egyptology department. Instead, I’m in some dipshit backwater in the moors of Whogivesafuck county. I demand to talk to my agent and my attorney!”
January 23, 2026 at 8:34 PM
“Seriously, why is England so damn swampy? I was told I was going to the British Museum and getting star treatment from their Egyptology department. Instead, I’m in some dipshit backwater in the moors of Whogivesafuck county. I demand to talk to my agent and my attorney!”
“Are you sure his will cure my sciatica?”
“Let’s just say that you won’t be worried about it ever again.”
“Let’s just say that you won’t be worried about it ever again.”
January 23, 2026 at 12:56 PM
“Are you sure his will cure my sciatica?”
“Let’s just say that you won’t be worried about it ever again.”
“Let’s just say that you won’t be worried about it ever again.”
“Dammit Jim quit beaming me up all the time! I was about to get into a 3 way with 2 hot Romulans ladies.”
“But they were spies Bones!”
“I knew that already, you nimrod! The only thing they were going to get out of me was a prescription for antibiotics & the reason to get it.”
“But they were spies Bones!”
“I knew that already, you nimrod! The only thing they were going to get out of me was a prescription for antibiotics & the reason to get it.”
January 23, 2026 at 12:10 AM
“Dammit Jim quit beaming me up all the time! I was about to get into a 3 way with 2 hot Romulans ladies.”
“But they were spies Bones!”
“I knew that already, you nimrod! The only thing they were going to get out of me was a prescription for antibiotics & the reason to get it.”
“But they were spies Bones!”
“I knew that already, you nimrod! The only thing they were going to get out of me was a prescription for antibiotics & the reason to get it.”
“Dammit Jim! Why did you have me beamed up now! I was about to get into the hot tub and go balls deep on an Andorian nurse!”
January 22, 2026 at 1:45 AM
“Dammit Jim! Why did you have me beamed up now! I was about to get into the hot tub and go balls deep on an Andorian nurse!”
Hotel Owner: We want the carpeting in the halls to make our guests feel comfortable and safe.
Designer: How about a pattern that makes it look like the scene of a massacre?
Hotel Owner: I don’t think so…
Designer: I can get it cheap.
Hotel Owner: Sold!
Designer: How about a pattern that makes it look like the scene of a massacre?
Hotel Owner: I don’t think so…
Designer: I can get it cheap.
Hotel Owner: Sold!
January 21, 2026 at 1:00 AM
Hotel Owner: We want the carpeting in the halls to make our guests feel comfortable and safe.
Designer: How about a pattern that makes it look like the scene of a massacre?
Hotel Owner: I don’t think so…
Designer: I can get it cheap.
Hotel Owner: Sold!
Designer: How about a pattern that makes it look like the scene of a massacre?
Hotel Owner: I don’t think so…
Designer: I can get it cheap.
Hotel Owner: Sold!
If I ever come into money, I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it, but there would be signs.
January 20, 2026 at 2:42 PM
If I ever come into money, I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it, but there would be signs.
“As red shirts you have taken a sacred oath to be the cannon fodder of the Federation…where’s Wilson?”
“A Gorn ate his head on way here, Captain.”
“Oh dear, anyway, that’s why Starfleet Command has me give you these little pep talks…”
“A Gorn ate his head on way here, Captain.”
“Oh dear, anyway, that’s why Starfleet Command has me give you these little pep talks…”
January 17, 2026 at 1:54 PM
“As red shirts you have taken a sacred oath to be the cannon fodder of the Federation…where’s Wilson?”
“A Gorn ate his head on way here, Captain.”
“Oh dear, anyway, that’s why Starfleet Command has me give you these little pep talks…”
“A Gorn ate his head on way here, Captain.”
“Oh dear, anyway, that’s why Starfleet Command has me give you these little pep talks…”
Reposted by Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet
“I told you that check engine light was on for a reason, Zaphrax. Now we’re getting towed to a garage, in front of the Earthlings. This is so embarrassing.”
“We have insurance Gorvo.”
“THIS IS NOT ABOUT INSURANCE! THIS IS ABOUT HUMILIATING THE ZABARIAN EMPIRE!”
“We have insurance Gorvo.”
“THIS IS NOT ABOUT INSURANCE! THIS IS ABOUT HUMILIATING THE ZABARIAN EMPIRE!”
December 31, 2025 at 10:24 PM
“I told you that check engine light was on for a reason, Zaphrax. Now we’re getting towed to a garage, in front of the Earthlings. This is so embarrassing.”
“We have insurance Gorvo.”
“THIS IS NOT ABOUT INSURANCE! THIS IS ABOUT HUMILIATING THE ZABARIAN EMPIRE!”
“We have insurance Gorvo.”
“THIS IS NOT ABOUT INSURANCE! THIS IS ABOUT HUMILIATING THE ZABARIAN EMPIRE!”
“Why have you knights come to kill me?”
“We are ridding our king of a troublesome priest!”
“And because you wrote Waiting For Godot, the bastard Godot never showed up!”
“That’s the wrong Beckett Terry.”
“Oh.”
“We are ridding our king of a troublesome priest!”
“And because you wrote Waiting For Godot, the bastard Godot never showed up!”
“That’s the wrong Beckett Terry.”
“Oh.”
January 10, 2026 at 1:56 AM
“Why have you knights come to kill me?”
“We are ridding our king of a troublesome priest!”
“And because you wrote Waiting For Godot, the bastard Godot never showed up!”
“That’s the wrong Beckett Terry.”
“Oh.”
“We are ridding our king of a troublesome priest!”
“And because you wrote Waiting For Godot, the bastard Godot never showed up!”
“That’s the wrong Beckett Terry.”
“Oh.”
Reposted by Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet
“Will you people please stop chatting & get out of the bathroom. You can chat in any other room in the house, but not here, not when my ass is about to give birth to a baby dragon! Now GET OUT, or prepare to get mentally scarred for life!”
December 29, 2025 at 1:30 AM
“Will you people please stop chatting & get out of the bathroom. You can chat in any other room in the house, but not here, not when my ass is about to give birth to a baby dragon! Now GET OUT, or prepare to get mentally scarred for life!”
Reposted by Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet
“Okay, I’ll explain it again. To Serve Man is a cookbook for feeding humans, not eating humans. Seriously, you would give us crippling coronary levels of cholesterol, because, let’s face it, you’re a bit on the fatty side. Most of the recipes are cribbed from Julia Child.”
January 2, 2026 at 12:57 PM
“Okay, I’ll explain it again. To Serve Man is a cookbook for feeding humans, not eating humans. Seriously, you would give us crippling coronary levels of cholesterol, because, let’s face it, you’re a bit on the fatty side. Most of the recipes are cribbed from Julia Child.”
Reposted by Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet
Mia Goth
Goth Mia
Mia the Goth
Gothic Mia
Goth Mia
Mia the Goth
Gothic Mia
January 7, 2026 at 11:06 PM
Mia Goth
Goth Mia
Mia the Goth
Gothic Mia
Goth Mia
Mia the Goth
Gothic Mia
Reposted by Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet
Margery had to churn the butter regularly so her family could make it through the winter, but every time she did, she had flashbacks to Gramma demonstrating her hand technique on Tuck the farmhand.
January 3, 2026 at 12:46 AM
Margery had to churn the butter regularly so her family could make it through the winter, but every time she did, she had flashbacks to Gramma demonstrating her hand technique on Tuck the farmhand.
Mia Goth
Goth Mia
Mia the Goth
Gothic Mia
Goth Mia
Mia the Goth
Gothic Mia
January 7, 2026 at 11:06 PM
Mia Goth
Goth Mia
Mia the Goth
Gothic Mia
Goth Mia
Mia the Goth
Gothic Mia
Margery had to churn the butter regularly so her family could make it through the winter, but every time she did, she had flashbacks to Gramma demonstrating her hand technique on Tuck the farmhand.
January 3, 2026 at 12:46 AM
Margery had to churn the butter regularly so her family could make it through the winter, but every time she did, she had flashbacks to Gramma demonstrating her hand technique on Tuck the farmhand.
“Okay, I’ll explain it again. To Serve Man is a cookbook for feeding humans, not eating humans. Seriously, you would give us crippling coronary levels of cholesterol, because, let’s face it, you’re a bit on the fatty side. Most of the recipes are cribbed from Julia Child.”
January 2, 2026 at 12:57 PM
“Okay, I’ll explain it again. To Serve Man is a cookbook for feeding humans, not eating humans. Seriously, you would give us crippling coronary levels of cholesterol, because, let’s face it, you’re a bit on the fatty side. Most of the recipes are cribbed from Julia Child.”
“I told you that check engine light was on for a reason, Zaphrax. Now we’re getting towed to a garage, in front of the Earthlings. This is so embarrassing.”
“We have insurance Gorvo.”
“THIS IS NOT ABOUT INSURANCE! THIS IS ABOUT HUMILIATING THE ZABARIAN EMPIRE!”
“We have insurance Gorvo.”
“THIS IS NOT ABOUT INSURANCE! THIS IS ABOUT HUMILIATING THE ZABARIAN EMPIRE!”
December 31, 2025 at 10:24 PM
“I told you that check engine light was on for a reason, Zaphrax. Now we’re getting towed to a garage, in front of the Earthlings. This is so embarrassing.”
“We have insurance Gorvo.”
“THIS IS NOT ABOUT INSURANCE! THIS IS ABOUT HUMILIATING THE ZABARIAN EMPIRE!”
“We have insurance Gorvo.”
“THIS IS NOT ABOUT INSURANCE! THIS IS ABOUT HUMILIATING THE ZABARIAN EMPIRE!”
“Will you people please stop chatting & get out of the bathroom. You can chat in any other room in the house, but not here, not when my ass is about to give birth to a baby dragon! Now GET OUT, or prepare to get mentally scarred for life!”
December 29, 2025 at 1:30 AM
“Will you people please stop chatting & get out of the bathroom. You can chat in any other room in the house, but not here, not when my ass is about to give birth to a baby dragon! Now GET OUT, or prepare to get mentally scarred for life!”
I've been working on a horror screenplay lately, & today I just realized that the one character who might have prevented all the horror, couldn't, because he was away in Florida, on vacation.
a man wearing a hawaiian shirt and hat is holding a yellow life preserver and giving a thumbs up
Alt: a man wearing a hawaiian shirt and hat is holding a yellow life preserver and giving a thumbs up
media.tenor.com
December 26, 2025 at 6:17 PM
I've been working on a horror screenplay lately, & today I just realized that the one character who might have prevented all the horror, couldn't, because he was away in Florida, on vacation.
Reposted by Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet
“Wait a minute,” said the Headless Horseman, “this isn’t my skull!”
“No,” said the Skull, “my name’s Trevor, the Bodyless Bicyclist.”
“While it’s an awkward situation,” said the Horseman, “it’s nice to meet you.”
“Thanks,” said Trevor. “What’s your name?”
“Fritz.”
“Nice to meet you Fritz.”
“No,” said the Skull, “my name’s Trevor, the Bodyless Bicyclist.”
“While it’s an awkward situation,” said the Horseman, “it’s nice to meet you.”
“Thanks,” said Trevor. “What’s your name?”
“Fritz.”
“Nice to meet you Fritz.”
December 17, 2025 at 1:36 AM
“Wait a minute,” said the Headless Horseman, “this isn’t my skull!”
“No,” said the Skull, “my name’s Trevor, the Bodyless Bicyclist.”
“While it’s an awkward situation,” said the Horseman, “it’s nice to meet you.”
“Thanks,” said Trevor. “What’s your name?”
“Fritz.”
“Nice to meet you Fritz.”
“No,” said the Skull, “my name’s Trevor, the Bodyless Bicyclist.”
“While it’s an awkward situation,” said the Horseman, “it’s nice to meet you.”
“Thanks,” said Trevor. “What’s your name?”
“Fritz.”
“Nice to meet you Fritz.”
“My problem doctor is that every time I walk anywhere, turn my head, or move in any way, I hear this jingling sound.”
December 22, 2025 at 10:14 PM
“My problem doctor is that every time I walk anywhere, turn my head, or move in any way, I hear this jingling sound.”