Duchess Goldblatt
@duchessgoldblatt.bsky.social
BECOMING DUCHESS GOLDBLATT (HMH, 2020).
Some of you seem to have failed to cultivate a thirst for vengeance. It's not how I raised you.
November 10, 2025 at 3:16 AM
Some of you seem to have failed to cultivate a thirst for vengeance. It's not how I raised you.
Remember I get 10% of all friendships developed through a shared love for me. No checks.
November 8, 2025 at 5:24 PM
Remember I get 10% of all friendships developed through a shared love for me. No checks.
Save a little Thursday in a glass dish. A day will come when you'll be glad to have it warmed up on toast points.
November 6, 2025 at 11:11 PM
Save a little Thursday in a glass dish. A day will come when you'll be glad to have it warmed up on toast points.
On any clear October evening, you can get a pretty good buzz just from licking the edges of the night sky.
October 30, 2025 at 4:12 AM
On any clear October evening, you can get a pretty good buzz just from licking the edges of the night sky.
In the 19th century, prologues served a useful purpose in literature because the past tense hadn't yet been invented.
October 28, 2025 at 2:32 AM
In the 19th century, prologues served a useful purpose in literature because the past tense hadn't yet been invented.
So many distractions for you children these days! I almost think they might be pulling focus from my ongoing campaign against prologues.
October 28, 2025 at 12:09 AM
So many distractions for you children these days! I almost think they might be pulling focus from my ongoing campaign against prologues.
God has promised me my enemies will receive the word in the form of a rage stroke in a Florida golf course toilet. I remain steadfast in hope.
October 25, 2025 at 4:08 PM
God has promised me my enemies will receive the word in the form of a rage stroke in a Florida golf course toilet. I remain steadfast in hope.
Reposted by Duchess Goldblatt
I am chuffed to the point of unpleasantness to have a story in this year's Best American Short Stories, chosen by the wonderful @pronounced-ing.bsky.social!
October 21, 2025 at 10:06 PM
I am chuffed to the point of unpleasantness to have a story in this year's Best American Short Stories, chosen by the wonderful @pronounced-ing.bsky.social!
Jewel thieves are out there hustling, cracking open the Louvre in broad daylight, and yet not one of you can be arsed to steal my portrait. Why do I even bother running a cult?
October 21, 2025 at 1:56 AM
Jewel thieves are out there hustling, cracking open the Louvre in broad daylight, and yet not one of you can be arsed to steal my portrait. Why do I even bother running a cult?
Blessings upon those who told me how to kill off "Discover" and to append "-ai" to all searches. Yours is the kingdom of heaven.
October 20, 2025 at 3:51 PM
Blessings upon those who told me how to kill off "Discover" and to append "-ai" to all searches. Yours is the kingdom of heaven.
I'm very proud of you all today. Well done. No notes.
October 19, 2025 at 1:03 AM
I'm very proud of you all today. Well done. No notes.
Out now: 37 new episodes of my podcast, all featuring me and the monks of Crooked Path as we sit in contemplative silence for hours. Bliss.
October 16, 2025 at 2:17 AM
Out now: 37 new episodes of my podcast, all featuring me and the monks of Crooked Path as we sit in contemplative silence for hours. Bliss.
We're coming up on a waning crescent moon, which means right now it isn't all puffed up with sodium, retaining seawater. It's healthier for it.
October 14, 2025 at 1:44 AM
We're coming up on a waning crescent moon, which means right now it isn't all puffed up with sodium, retaining seawater. It's healthier for it.
@rebeccamakkai.bsky.social Rebecca, my friend! Hello there, wondrous one.
October 11, 2025 at 2:51 PM
@rebeccamakkai.bsky.social Rebecca, my friend! Hello there, wondrous one.
Creative expression is the essence of the human experience. Try making a new dish, or stabbing an ai slopper with a wooden stake.
October 11, 2025 at 12:45 PM
Creative expression is the essence of the human experience. Try making a new dish, or stabbing an ai slopper with a wooden stake.
Reposted by Duchess Goldblatt
Wow! What a night. Thank you to @lylelovett.bsky.social for a magical experience. And, thank you to @duchessgoldblatt.bsky.social for the inspiration.
October 9, 2025 at 1:18 PM
Wow! What a night. Thank you to @lylelovett.bsky.social for a magical experience. And, thank you to @duchessgoldblatt.bsky.social for the inspiration.
For me: friends and fun, and a book, and life itself.
Has anything great happened in your life because of social media?
October 8, 2025 at 11:56 PM
For me: friends and fun, and a book, and life itself.
Reposted by Duchess Goldblatt
In New Orleans with my book club to see Lyle. We ran into him at the airport in Austin and told him we were flying out just to see him after reading (and loving) your book. He suggested that we let you know! Can’t wait until tonight’s show (after a carb-filled dinner.)
October 8, 2025 at 8:11 PM
In New Orleans with my book club to see Lyle. We ran into him at the airport in Austin and told him we were flying out just to see him after reading (and loving) your book. He suggested that we let you know! Can’t wait until tonight’s show (after a carb-filled dinner.)
Reposted by Duchess Goldblatt
These nice ladies introduced themselves to me this morning at Austin Bergstrom as book-club-member fans of our beloved @duchessgoldblatt.bsky.social. They told me they’d bought tickets to our show tonight in Metairie, Louisiana, because they’d read Duchess’s book. Thank you, Your Grace.
October 8, 2025 at 5:35 PM
These nice ladies introduced themselves to me this morning at Austin Bergstrom as book-club-member fans of our beloved @duchessgoldblatt.bsky.social. They told me they’d bought tickets to our show tonight in Metairie, Louisiana, because they’d read Duchess’s book. Thank you, Your Grace.
Remember me as one who encouraged you to keep up your daily carbs, even when I had pressing engagements elsewhere.
October 8, 2025 at 3:29 AM
Remember me as one who encouraged you to keep up your daily carbs, even when I had pressing engagements elsewhere.
Cut yourself a cross section of any October afternoon, and beneath the shale level you're going to find a hard nugget of old caramel. It'll still taste good.
October 7, 2025 at 2:48 AM
Cut yourself a cross section of any October afternoon, and beneath the shale level you're going to find a hard nugget of old caramel. It'll still taste good.
Little less conversation, little more ritualistic dancing in the moonlit forest to ward off evil, please.
October 5, 2025 at 1:31 AM
Little less conversation, little more ritualistic dancing in the moonlit forest to ward off evil, please.
Just tooling around the lake district today in my Mercedes S-class pinewood derby car. Anything happening out there I should know about?
October 2, 2025 at 4:48 PM
Just tooling around the lake district today in my Mercedes S-class pinewood derby car. Anything happening out there I should know about?
I see a lot of you trying to cheer each other up and cheer each other on. It all adds up. I'm keeping a tally.
September 30, 2025 at 4:10 AM
I see a lot of you trying to cheer each other up and cheer each other on. It all adds up. I'm keeping a tally.
I can't bear to look. Someone check and see if I'm on the list.
We are delighted to reveal the #BookerPrize2025 shortlist – six books that ‘are all brilliantly written and brilliantly human’.
➡️ Discover the full list: thebookerprizes.com/bp2025
➡️ Discover the full list: thebookerprizes.com/bp2025
September 25, 2025 at 12:49 AM
I can't bear to look. Someone check and see if I'm on the list.