DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER
@denversweather.bsky.social
The foulest weather report this side of shittucky. Chaotic Good. Crude but not cruel. Fuck yes, Colorado. Fuck yes, Denver. #COwx #wxtwitter #deathmetal ☠☠☠☠☠☠
Pinned
[WAKES UP, GETS OUT OF BED, LOOKS OUTSIDE, GOES RIGHT THE FUCK BACK IN BED]
COLORADO WE HIT MOTHERFUCKING 70 FUCKING DEGREES IN FRIGID-ASS FEBRUARY, WHAT IS THIS
February 9, 2026 at 9:50 PM
COLORADO WE HIT MOTHERFUCKING 70 FUCKING DEGREES IN FRIGID-ASS FEBRUARY, WHAT IS THIS
DENVER I WISH WE COULD REJOICE IN THE 70 DEGREE TEMPERATURES ON THE HORIZON BUT EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS JUST SO FUCKING FUCKED. TOTAL FUCK. EVEN TUESDAY'S COOL-DOWN IS STILL IN THE MID 50s. FUCKED.
SUN: 68°/35°
MON: 70°/39°
TUE: 54°/29°
WED: 64°/37°
THU: 59°/33°
FRI: 60°/33°
SUN: 68°/35°
MON: 70°/39°
TUE: 54°/29°
WED: 64°/37°
THU: 59°/33°
FRI: 60°/33°
February 8, 2026 at 4:24 PM
DENVER I WISH WE COULD REJOICE IN THE 70 DEGREE TEMPERATURES ON THE HORIZON BUT EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS JUST SO FUCKING FUCKED. TOTAL FUCK. EVEN TUESDAY'S COOL-DOWN IS STILL IN THE MID 50s. FUCKED.
SUN: 68°/35°
MON: 70°/39°
TUE: 54°/29°
WED: 64°/37°
THU: 59°/33°
FRI: 60°/33°
SUN: 68°/35°
MON: 70°/39°
TUE: 54°/29°
WED: 64°/37°
THU: 59°/33°
FRI: 60°/33°
DENVER I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. THIS IS FUCKED, WE'RE FUCKED, THE WEATHER GODS THEMSELVES ARE STARING IN DISBELIEF.
YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 66°/37°
SAT: 66°/36°
SUN: 67°/39°
MON: FUCKING 69 DEGREES WTFFFFFF
YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 66°/37°
SAT: 66°/36°
SUN: 67°/39°
MON: FUCKING 69 DEGREES WTFFFFFF
February 6, 2026 at 5:17 PM
DENVER I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. THIS IS FUCKED, WE'RE FUCKED, THE WEATHER GODS THEMSELVES ARE STARING IN DISBELIEF.
YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 66°/37°
SAT: 66°/36°
SUN: 67°/39°
MON: FUCKING 69 DEGREES WTFFFFFF
YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 66°/37°
SAT: 66°/36°
SUN: 67°/39°
MON: FUCKING 69 DEGREES WTFFFFFF
DENVER ON DAYS LIKE THIS IN THE PAST I'D WRITE SOMETHING JOKEY LIKE "WINTER'S CANCELED" BUT WE'RE HAVING SO MANY LIKE THIS NOW I FEAR WINTER TRULY IS CANCELED AND THAT'S SCARIER THAN IT IS FUNNY.
SUN: 64°/37° YIKES
MON: 58°/28°
TUE: 52°/29°
WED: 52°/34°
THU: 64°/34° WTF
FRI: 65°/36° WTFFFF
SUN: 64°/37° YIKES
MON: 58°/28°
TUE: 52°/29°
WED: 52°/34°
THU: 64°/34° WTF
FRI: 65°/36° WTFFFF
February 1, 2026 at 4:27 PM
DENVER ON DAYS LIKE THIS IN THE PAST I'D WRITE SOMETHING JOKEY LIKE "WINTER'S CANCELED" BUT WE'RE HAVING SO MANY LIKE THIS NOW I FEAR WINTER TRULY IS CANCELED AND THAT'S SCARIER THAN IT IS FUNNY.
SUN: 64°/37° YIKES
MON: 58°/28°
TUE: 52°/29°
WED: 52°/34°
THU: 64°/34° WTF
FRI: 65°/36° WTFFFF
SUN: 64°/37° YIKES
MON: 58°/28°
TUE: 52°/29°
WED: 52°/34°
THU: 64°/34° WTF
FRI: 65°/36° WTFFFF
DENVER, THE WEATHER THIS WEEK STARTS OFF CRAP THEN GRADUALLY REDEEMS ITSELF. IT COULD ABSOLUTELY BE WORSE, THIS TIME OF YEAR IT USUALLY IS.
SUN: 28°/7° AND PM SNOW MAYBE
MON: 44°/27° ABOVE FREEZING FINALLY
TUE: 48°/27°
WED: 53°/32°
THU: 51°/30°
FRI: 56°/33°
SUN: 28°/7° AND PM SNOW MAYBE
MON: 44°/27° ABOVE FREEZING FINALLY
TUE: 48°/27°
WED: 53°/32°
THU: 51°/30°
FRI: 56°/33°
January 25, 2026 at 6:41 PM
DENVER, THE WEATHER THIS WEEK STARTS OFF CRAP THEN GRADUALLY REDEEMS ITSELF. IT COULD ABSOLUTELY BE WORSE, THIS TIME OF YEAR IT USUALLY IS.
SUN: 28°/7° AND PM SNOW MAYBE
MON: 44°/27° ABOVE FREEZING FINALLY
TUE: 48°/27°
WED: 53°/32°
THU: 51°/30°
FRI: 56°/33°
SUN: 28°/7° AND PM SNOW MAYBE
MON: 44°/27° ABOVE FREEZING FINALLY
TUE: 48°/27°
WED: 53°/32°
THU: 51°/30°
FRI: 56°/33°
DENVER, ARE WE GETTING SNOW? AREN'T WE GETTING SNOW? SEEMS LIKE A BASIC QUESTION BUT SHIT'S SO FUCKED THESE DAYS EVEN THE WEATHER GODS AREN'T SAYING. FUCK IT ALL IS WHAT I SAY.
YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 22°/8° (FUCKED)
SAT: 21°/7° (ALSO FUCKED)
SUN: 22°/7° (FUCKED TOO W/ SNOW?)
YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 22°/8° (FUCKED)
SAT: 21°/7° (ALSO FUCKED)
SUN: 22°/7° (FUCKED TOO W/ SNOW?)
January 23, 2026 at 4:18 PM
DENVER, ARE WE GETTING SNOW? AREN'T WE GETTING SNOW? SEEMS LIKE A BASIC QUESTION BUT SHIT'S SO FUCKED THESE DAYS EVEN THE WEATHER GODS AREN'T SAYING. FUCK IT ALL IS WHAT I SAY.
YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 22°/8° (FUCKED)
SAT: 21°/7° (ALSO FUCKED)
SUN: 22°/7° (FUCKED TOO W/ SNOW?)
YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 22°/8° (FUCKED)
SAT: 21°/7° (ALSO FUCKED)
SUN: 22°/7° (FUCKED TOO W/ SNOW?)
DENVER WE ARE THICK IN THE WINTER HO-HUMS. NO MORE 60 DEGREES, BUT NO TEMPERATURES IN THE TEENS EITHER (SORRY MATT GAETZ). JUST SOME ALMOST-MID ISH THIS WEEK.
SUN: 52°/25°
MON: 45°/27°
TUE: 55°/25°
WED: 49°/25°
THU: 52°/23°
FRI: 39°/23°
SUN: 52°/25°
MON: 45°/27°
TUE: 55°/25°
WED: 49°/25°
THU: 52°/23°
FRI: 39°/23°
January 18, 2026 at 5:50 PM
DENVER WE ARE THICK IN THE WINTER HO-HUMS. NO MORE 60 DEGREES, BUT NO TEMPERATURES IN THE TEENS EITHER (SORRY MATT GAETZ). JUST SOME ALMOST-MID ISH THIS WEEK.
SUN: 52°/25°
MON: 45°/27°
TUE: 55°/25°
WED: 49°/25°
THU: 52°/23°
FRI: 39°/23°
SUN: 52°/25°
MON: 45°/27°
TUE: 55°/25°
WED: 49°/25°
THU: 52°/23°
FRI: 39°/23°
fucking lick me like you mean itttttttt
January 17, 2026 at 11:49 PM
fucking lick me like you mean itttttttt
DENVER HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE WE CELEBRATED FIVE MOTHERFUCKING PM ON FRIDAY? TOO DAMN LONG. WE FUCKING MADE IT, YOU GORGEOUS FUCKS, WE MADE IT.
January 17, 2026 at 12:00 AM
DENVER HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE WE CELEBRATED FIVE MOTHERFUCKING PM ON FRIDAY? TOO DAMN LONG. WE FUCKING MADE IT, YOU GORGEOUS FUCKS, WE MADE IT.
DENVER THIS WEATHER IS CLOSER TO THE WINTER WE'VE COME TO EXPECT / HATE, SO WHAT IT LACKS IN ORIGINALITY ... I DUNNO, IT MAKES UP FOR IN SUCKS SHITTYNESS? I LIKED IT BETTER WHEN THE WEATHER GODS WERE ALL FUCKED UP AND FULL OF
FRI: 40°/21°
SAT: 41°/31° GO BRONCOS BEAT THE OTHER TEAM
SUN: 51°/24°
FRI: 40°/21°
SAT: 41°/31° GO BRONCOS BEAT THE OTHER TEAM
SUN: 51°/24°
January 16, 2026 at 5:13 PM
DENVER THIS WEATHER IS CLOSER TO THE WINTER WE'VE COME TO EXPECT / HATE, SO WHAT IT LACKS IN ORIGINALITY ... I DUNNO, IT MAKES UP FOR IN SUCKS SHITTYNESS? I LIKED IT BETTER WHEN THE WEATHER GODS WERE ALL FUCKED UP AND FULL OF
FRI: 40°/21°
SAT: 41°/31° GO BRONCOS BEAT THE OTHER TEAM
SUN: 51°/24°
FRI: 40°/21°
SAT: 41°/31° GO BRONCOS BEAT THE OTHER TEAM
SUN: 51°/24°
DENVER, OUR SANITY-DEFYING RUN OF UNSEASONABLY WARM TEMPERATURES IS BACK. THE WEATHER GODS MUST TRULY BE ON SOME PRIMO SHIT UP THERE TBH I'M A LITTLE SCARED FOR THEM THIS IS GETTING WEIRD.
SUN: 54°/33°
MON: 59°/38°
TUE: 62°/37°
WED: 59°/39°
THU: 60°/28°
FRI: 43°/28°
SUN: 54°/33°
MON: 59°/38°
TUE: 62°/37°
WED: 59°/39°
THU: 60°/28°
FRI: 43°/28°
January 11, 2026 at 3:46 PM
DENVER, OUR SANITY-DEFYING RUN OF UNSEASONABLY WARM TEMPERATURES IS BACK. THE WEATHER GODS MUST TRULY BE ON SOME PRIMO SHIT UP THERE TBH I'M A LITTLE SCARED FOR THEM THIS IS GETTING WEIRD.
SUN: 54°/33°
MON: 59°/38°
TUE: 62°/37°
WED: 59°/39°
THU: 60°/28°
FRI: 43°/28°
SUN: 54°/33°
MON: 59°/38°
TUE: 62°/37°
WED: 59°/39°
THU: 60°/28°
FRI: 43°/28°
man i'm probably going to feel really bad when john elway actually does die and I can't pretend like he's up in heaven smokin spliffs and rimming celestial beings anymore
January 9, 2026 at 10:39 PM
man i'm probably going to feel really bad when john elway actually does die and I can't pretend like he's up in heaven smokin spliffs and rimming celestial beings anymore
DENVER WE DID IT WE HAD A LEGIT SNOW, BUT DON'T WORRY IT WILL MELT BY SUNDAY WHICH IS FUNNY BECAUSE THE BRONCOS AREN'T EVEN PLAYING THAT DAY SO I TRAGICALLY CAN'T BLAME SUNDAY'S GREAT WEATHER ON THE HANDIES JOHN ELWAY IS GIVING TO THE WEATHER GODS.
FRI: 35°/19°
SAT: 47°/28°
SUN: 55°/32°
FRI: 35°/19°
SAT: 47°/28°
SUN: 55°/32°
January 9, 2026 at 4:23 PM
DENVER WE DID IT WE HAD A LEGIT SNOW, BUT DON'T WORRY IT WILL MELT BY SUNDAY WHICH IS FUNNY BECAUSE THE BRONCOS AREN'T EVEN PLAYING THAT DAY SO I TRAGICALLY CAN'T BLAME SUNDAY'S GREAT WEATHER ON THE HANDIES JOHN ELWAY IS GIVING TO THE WEATHER GODS.
FRI: 35°/19°
SAT: 47°/28°
SUN: 55°/32°
FRI: 35°/19°
SAT: 47°/28°
SUN: 55°/32°
Reposted by DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER
i blame john elway (rip), up in heaven, giving the weather gods luxurious rim jobs and rolling them monster game day spliffs
January 4, 2026 at 10:49 PM
i blame john elway (rip), up in heaven, giving the weather gods luxurious rim jobs and rolling them monster game day spliffs
THIS RECENT WEATHER? DEFINITELY 3-HORSEMAN (OUT OF FOUR)
We need a unit of measurement for how apocalyptic the particular day's weather is.
I propose we call this unit of measure the "horseman."
I propose we call this unit of measure the "horseman."
January 4, 2026 at 9:44 PM
THIS RECENT WEATHER? DEFINITELY 3-HORSEMAN (OUT OF FOUR)
So on that other site I have a collection of my favorite posts, the real bangers, from the ten-plus years I've been doing this. I don't have that over here and I'm thinking I might just screenshot and post. Problem is some are threads. Fucking tangled webs smh
January 4, 2026 at 9:38 PM
So on that other site I have a collection of my favorite posts, the real bangers, from the ten-plus years I've been doing this. I don't have that over here and I'm thinking I might just screenshot and post. Problem is some are threads. Fucking tangled webs smh
DENVER I HAD THOUGHT THE WEATHER GODS WOULD SNAP OUT OF ALL THIS BY NOW BUT THEY'RE STILL HOOTIN' AND HOLLERIN' AND PUFFING N' PASSING AND DAMN... THIS IS FUCKED UP.
SUN: 68°/39°
MON: 63°/37°
TUE: 60°/34°
WED: 58°/32°
THU: 47°/25°
FRI: 38°/21°
SUN: 68°/39°
MON: 63°/37°
TUE: 60°/34°
WED: 58°/32°
THU: 47°/25°
FRI: 38°/21°
January 4, 2026 at 3:04 PM
DENVER I HAD THOUGHT THE WEATHER GODS WOULD SNAP OUT OF ALL THIS BY NOW BUT THEY'RE STILL HOOTIN' AND HOLLERIN' AND PUFFING N' PASSING AND DAMN... THIS IS FUCKED UP.
SUN: 68°/39°
MON: 63°/37°
TUE: 60°/34°
WED: 58°/32°
THU: 47°/25°
FRI: 38°/21°
SUN: 68°/39°
MON: 63°/37°
TUE: 60°/34°
WED: 58°/32°
THU: 47°/25°
FRI: 38°/21°
DENVER, IT'S FUCKING JANUARY 2026 BUT DON'T TELL THE WEATHER GODS, THEY'RE STILL PARTYING LIKE IT'S OCTOBER 2025 WTAF IS HAPPENING
FRI: 60°/37°
SAT: 62°/44°
SUN: 67°/37°
FRI: 60°/37°
SAT: 62°/44°
SUN: 67°/37°
January 2, 2026 at 8:55 PM
DENVER, IT'S FUCKING JANUARY 2026 BUT DON'T TELL THE WEATHER GODS, THEY'RE STILL PARTYING LIKE IT'S OCTOBER 2025 WTAF IS HAPPENING
FRI: 60°/37°
SAT: 62°/44°
SUN: 67°/37°
FRI: 60°/37°
SAT: 62°/44°
SUN: 67°/37°
DENVER, MAN THAT SNOW SUCKED EENSY LIL SHITBALLS BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS WE WONT SEE ITS LIKES AGAIN ‘ROUND HERE, NO SIRREEE IT’S BACK TO WHATEVER WEIRD SHIT THIS IS
SUN: 39°/20°
MON: 46°/28°
TUE: 53°/33°
WED: 61°/40°
THU: 59°/40° F U 2025 GOOD RIDDANCE
FRI: 61° F U 2026 TOO
SUN: 39°/20°
MON: 46°/28°
TUE: 53°/33°
WED: 61°/40°
THU: 59°/40° F U 2025 GOOD RIDDANCE
FRI: 61° F U 2026 TOO
December 28, 2025 at 10:12 PM
DENVER, MAN THAT SNOW SUCKED EENSY LIL SHITBALLS BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS WE WONT SEE ITS LIKES AGAIN ‘ROUND HERE, NO SIRREEE IT’S BACK TO WHATEVER WEIRD SHIT THIS IS
SUN: 39°/20°
MON: 46°/28°
TUE: 53°/33°
WED: 61°/40°
THU: 59°/40° F U 2025 GOOD RIDDANCE
FRI: 61° F U 2026 TOO
SUN: 39°/20°
MON: 46°/28°
TUE: 53°/33°
WED: 61°/40°
THU: 59°/40° F U 2025 GOOD RIDDANCE
FRI: 61° F U 2026 TOO
DENVER OUR EARLY FALL-LIKE WEATHER HAD TO END SOMETIME, AND THAT SOMETIME IS SATURDAY. WHAT A RUN WE HAD, WHAT A FUCKED UP DECEMBER THIS WAS, STILL CAN’T WRAP MY HEAD AROUND IT, SO FUCKED.
FRI: 66°/41°
SAT: 61°/20° PM SNOW
SUN: 28°/18° AM SNOW
FRI: 66°/41°
SAT: 61°/20° PM SNOW
SUN: 28°/18° AM SNOW
December 26, 2025 at 4:07 PM
DENVER OUR EARLY FALL-LIKE WEATHER HAD TO END SOMETIME, AND THAT SOMETIME IS SATURDAY. WHAT A RUN WE HAD, WHAT A FUCKED UP DECEMBER THIS WAS, STILL CAN’T WRAP MY HEAD AROUND IT, SO FUCKED.
FRI: 66°/41°
SAT: 61°/20° PM SNOW
SUN: 28°/18° AM SNOW
FRI: 66°/41°
SAT: 61°/20° PM SNOW
SUN: 28°/18° AM SNOW
just want to give a big shoutout and hugs to all my furry friends here both new and old lol side story here I used the word “JIZZBOMB” last week thinking it might be catnip for the furry contingent… and I was right
December 22, 2025 at 6:40 PM
just want to give a big shoutout and hugs to all my furry friends here both new and old lol side story here I used the word “JIZZBOMB” last week thinking it might be catnip for the furry contingent… and I was right
DENVER THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST FUCKED UP FORECASTS I HAVE HAD THE PLEASURE OF DELIVERING. HAVE U EVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS? WTAF COLORADO.
MON: 73°/41° FUCKED
TUE: 67°/45° FUCKED
WED: 70°/45° FUCKED
THU: 70°/43° HO HO HO (FUCKED)
FRI: 64°/37° FUCKED
MON: 73°/41° FUCKED
TUE: 67°/45° FUCKED
WED: 70°/45° FUCKED
THU: 70°/43° HO HO HO (FUCKED)
FRI: 64°/37° FUCKED
December 22, 2025 at 3:26 AM
DENVER THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST FUCKED UP FORECASTS I HAVE HAD THE PLEASURE OF DELIVERING. HAVE U EVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS? WTAF COLORADO.
MON: 73°/41° FUCKED
TUE: 67°/45° FUCKED
WED: 70°/45° FUCKED
THU: 70°/43° HO HO HO (FUCKED)
FRI: 64°/37° FUCKED
MON: 73°/41° FUCKED
TUE: 67°/45° FUCKED
WED: 70°/45° FUCKED
THU: 70°/43° HO HO HO (FUCKED)
FRI: 64°/37° FUCKED
FUCKIN JIZZBOMBS IT'S ANOTHER DECEMBER BEAUTY DENVER, I'M FLUMMOXED, I'M SCARED, I'VE SAID THIS BEFORE BUT WE NEED A WORD FOR THAT "HEY IT'S GREAT THAT IT'S NICE WEATHER BUT I'M NERVOUS ABOUT THE CLIMATE" FEELING.
FRI: 69°/46° NICE... TOO NICE
SAT: 52°/29°
SUN: 58°/41°
FRI: 69°/46° NICE... TOO NICE
SAT: 52°/29°
SUN: 58°/41°
December 19, 2025 at 2:56 PM
FUCKIN JIZZBOMBS IT'S ANOTHER DECEMBER BEAUTY DENVER, I'M FLUMMOXED, I'M SCARED, I'VE SAID THIS BEFORE BUT WE NEED A WORD FOR THAT "HEY IT'S GREAT THAT IT'S NICE WEATHER BUT I'M NERVOUS ABOUT THE CLIMATE" FEELING.
FRI: 69°/46° NICE... TOO NICE
SAT: 52°/29°
SUN: 58°/41°
FRI: 69°/46° NICE... TOO NICE
SAT: 52°/29°
SUN: 58°/41°
HOLY FUCKIN CUNTSNACKS DENVER IT IS STILL 60 DEGREES OUT AND [CHECKS FORECAST] WE'VE GOT A HELLOFA LOT MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM. I LOVE IT, I HATE IT, I'M GOING OUTSIDE WITH NO JACKET, IT'S WEIRD.
YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 60°/38°
MON: 63°/40°
TUE: 65°/41°
WED: 67°/39°
THU: 48°/37°
FRI: 68°/48° ‼️
YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 60°/38°
MON: 63°/40°
TUE: 65°/41°
WED: 67°/39°
THU: 48°/37°
FRI: 68°/48° ‼️
December 14, 2025 at 3:25 PM
HOLY FUCKIN CUNTSNACKS DENVER IT IS STILL 60 DEGREES OUT AND [CHECKS FORECAST] WE'VE GOT A HELLOFA LOT MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM. I LOVE IT, I HATE IT, I'M GOING OUTSIDE WITH NO JACKET, IT'S WEIRD.
YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 60°/38°
MON: 63°/40°
TUE: 65°/41°
WED: 67°/39°
THU: 48°/37°
FRI: 68°/48° ‼️
YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 60°/38°
MON: 63°/40°
TUE: 65°/41°
WED: 67°/39°
THU: 48°/37°
FRI: 68°/48° ‼️
meanwhile in the rest of the country...
December 13, 2025 at 9:45 PM
meanwhile in the rest of the country...