Writer’s block
@delunawrites.bsky.social
Life in the dark // writing sketches
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Writer’s block
@delunawrites.bsky.social
· Jul 28
In my attempt to pray, comes an attempt to expand my mind through reading.
“This is what the Buddha taught. When conditions are sufficient things manifest. When conditions are no longer sufficient things withdraw. They wait until the moment is right for them to manifest again.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
“This is what the Buddha taught. When conditions are sufficient things manifest. When conditions are no longer sufficient things withdraw. They wait until the moment is right for them to manifest again.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
Prepped and ready
A “love you” phone call
Scrubbed
IV
Numbed
Ready to sleep
A “love you” phone call
Scrubbed
IV
Numbed
Ready to sleep
December 16, 2025 at 2:57 PM
Prepped and ready
A “love you” phone call
Scrubbed
IV
Numbed
Ready to sleep
A “love you” phone call
Scrubbed
IV
Numbed
Ready to sleep
I woke up wanting to listen to hip hop, so I turned on the speaker and selected Itzhak Perlman’s rendition of Vivaldi: Violin Concerto in Cm, RV 199.
Hits the spot every time.
Surely this has been sampled at least once accompanied by a fat beat. It’s perfection.
Hits the spot every time.
Surely this has been sampled at least once accompanied by a fat beat. It’s perfection.
December 15, 2025 at 12:11 PM
I woke up wanting to listen to hip hop, so I turned on the speaker and selected Itzhak Perlman’s rendition of Vivaldi: Violin Concerto in Cm, RV 199.
Hits the spot every time.
Surely this has been sampled at least once accompanied by a fat beat. It’s perfection.
Hits the spot every time.
Surely this has been sampled at least once accompanied by a fat beat. It’s perfection.
Just a couple of days now
‘Til I am sliced, shaved, disconnected, connected to plastic, reattached, sewn, back up, and put into plaster.
What will my unconscious self feel question
What will my subconscious self feel?
And what kind of pain, difficulty, and rejuvenation in the recovery?
‘Til I am sliced, shaved, disconnected, connected to plastic, reattached, sewn, back up, and put into plaster.
What will my unconscious self feel question
What will my subconscious self feel?
And what kind of pain, difficulty, and rejuvenation in the recovery?
December 13, 2025 at 9:07 PM
Just a couple of days now
‘Til I am sliced, shaved, disconnected, connected to plastic, reattached, sewn, back up, and put into plaster.
What will my unconscious self feel question
What will my subconscious self feel?
And what kind of pain, difficulty, and rejuvenation in the recovery?
‘Til I am sliced, shaved, disconnected, connected to plastic, reattached, sewn, back up, and put into plaster.
What will my unconscious self feel question
What will my subconscious self feel?
And what kind of pain, difficulty, and rejuvenation in the recovery?
A dream again and no matter how many times I’ve tried to explain to myself the truth of our situation, the dream feels so real, so tangible. It’s devastating to wake up. Another lie from my mind, another instance of self-inflicted suffering.
November 29, 2025 at 4:22 PM
A dream again and no matter how many times I’ve tried to explain to myself the truth of our situation, the dream feels so real, so tangible. It’s devastating to wake up. Another lie from my mind, another instance of self-inflicted suffering.
She looked intently at my face as I described the pain in my left foot and as I asked her what kind of surgery she might perform to correct my maladies, her eyes went wide and filled with iris and pupil.
I later joked, “Shark eyes.” and followed with- “Who else would be your surgeon?”
I later joked, “Shark eyes.” and followed with- “Who else would be your surgeon?”
November 27, 2025 at 3:14 AM
She looked intently at my face as I described the pain in my left foot and as I asked her what kind of surgery she might perform to correct my maladies, her eyes went wide and filled with iris and pupil.
I later joked, “Shark eyes.” and followed with- “Who else would be your surgeon?”
I later joked, “Shark eyes.” and followed with- “Who else would be your surgeon?”
Jokes about nudity, gay sex, and love.
And all the desperate people at the swingers club.
And all the desperate people at the swingers club.
November 9, 2025 at 1:35 AM
Jokes about nudity, gay sex, and love.
And all the desperate people at the swingers club.
And all the desperate people at the swingers club.
I wish I could rejoice with you
Sing, weep, make noise with you
I wish I could clap hands with you
Hug you, hold you. share tears with you
Send love from across the ocean, love that will never reach the other side
Sing, weep, make noise with you
I wish I could clap hands with you
Hug you, hold you. share tears with you
Send love from across the ocean, love that will never reach the other side
October 13, 2025 at 11:32 PM
I wish I could rejoice with you
Sing, weep, make noise with you
I wish I could clap hands with you
Hug you, hold you. share tears with you
Send love from across the ocean, love that will never reach the other side
Sing, weep, make noise with you
I wish I could clap hands with you
Hug you, hold you. share tears with you
Send love from across the ocean, love that will never reach the other side
“My eyes have begun to fail.”
A statement I wondered when I would utter.
Everything I see, from eight inches back to me, a fuzzy blurred object.
Reading glasses from my father, stuffed in a drawer of sentimentals, now sitting on my bedside table.
I look much older with them.
I feel it too.
A statement I wondered when I would utter.
Everything I see, from eight inches back to me, a fuzzy blurred object.
Reading glasses from my father, stuffed in a drawer of sentimentals, now sitting on my bedside table.
I look much older with them.
I feel it too.
October 10, 2025 at 5:28 PM
“My eyes have begun to fail.”
A statement I wondered when I would utter.
Everything I see, from eight inches back to me, a fuzzy blurred object.
Reading glasses from my father, stuffed in a drawer of sentimentals, now sitting on my bedside table.
I look much older with them.
I feel it too.
A statement I wondered when I would utter.
Everything I see, from eight inches back to me, a fuzzy blurred object.
Reading glasses from my father, stuffed in a drawer of sentimentals, now sitting on my bedside table.
I look much older with them.
I feel it too.
At the slightest of slight
At the smallest of misunderstandings
She collapses on the floor
Crying and wailing
We do our best to explain that’s not what they meant
But she’s already under
Cascading into darkness
At the smallest of misunderstandings
She collapses on the floor
Crying and wailing
We do our best to explain that’s not what they meant
But she’s already under
Cascading into darkness
September 25, 2025 at 1:00 PM
At the slightest of slight
At the smallest of misunderstandings
She collapses on the floor
Crying and wailing
We do our best to explain that’s not what they meant
But she’s already under
Cascading into darkness
At the smallest of misunderstandings
She collapses on the floor
Crying and wailing
We do our best to explain that’s not what they meant
But she’s already under
Cascading into darkness
Doesn’t it look nice outside our window? The trees are still green but the light has changed. Everything a bit yellow. Even the bright blue sky- less high blue, now muted.
It’s hot but dry yet I can smell the river.
My baby looks out with me, smiling and clapping at the sight.
It’s hot but dry yet I can smell the river.
My baby looks out with me, smiling and clapping at the sight.
September 18, 2025 at 5:04 PM
Doesn’t it look nice outside our window? The trees are still green but the light has changed. Everything a bit yellow. Even the bright blue sky- less high blue, now muted.
It’s hot but dry yet I can smell the river.
My baby looks out with me, smiling and clapping at the sight.
It’s hot but dry yet I can smell the river.
My baby looks out with me, smiling and clapping at the sight.
She woke at 6:15, looked around the room, then at my face.
“Mommy, I don’t want to sleep with you. How did I get here?”
“Baby, you came and got in the bed like you do almost every night.”
“Oh, ok. I’ll sleep more.”
“Mommy, I don’t want to sleep with you. How did I get here?”
“Baby, you came and got in the bed like you do almost every night.”
“Oh, ok. I’ll sleep more.”
September 17, 2025 at 3:21 PM
She woke at 6:15, looked around the room, then at my face.
“Mommy, I don’t want to sleep with you. How did I get here?”
“Baby, you came and got in the bed like you do almost every night.”
“Oh, ok. I’ll sleep more.”
“Mommy, I don’t want to sleep with you. How did I get here?”
“Baby, you came and got in the bed like you do almost every night.”
“Oh, ok. I’ll sleep more.”
A foolish message sent
Unread, unanswered
Sentimental, loving, and kind
A foolish soul to hope
Unrealistic, unbelievable
Sentimental, loving, full of wine
Unread, unanswered
Sentimental, loving, and kind
A foolish soul to hope
Unrealistic, unbelievable
Sentimental, loving, full of wine
September 9, 2025 at 11:50 PM
A foolish message sent
Unread, unanswered
Sentimental, loving, and kind
A foolish soul to hope
Unrealistic, unbelievable
Sentimental, loving, full of wine
Unread, unanswered
Sentimental, loving, and kind
A foolish soul to hope
Unrealistic, unbelievable
Sentimental, loving, full of wine
September came in the second half of August and our family has enjoyed four days at the beach over the past couple of weeks. Cool mornings, cool water, good swimming, hot afternoons, good moods, good vibes.
Orchard Beach isn’t as live as I remember last year either but that’s alright too.
Orchard Beach isn’t as live as I remember last year either but that’s alright too.
September 1, 2025 at 7:32 PM
September came in the second half of August and our family has enjoyed four days at the beach over the past couple of weeks. Cool mornings, cool water, good swimming, hot afternoons, good moods, good vibes.
Orchard Beach isn’t as live as I remember last year either but that’s alright too.
Orchard Beach isn’t as live as I remember last year either but that’s alright too.
I took the all the 0-3mos and 3-6mos clothes out and dumped them on the bed, put them into give-away bags, then ripped up the little pieces of paper saying which age groups the clothes belonged to.
Another bag and set of numbers staring at me “9-12mos”, my eldest daughter’s old clothes.
Another bag and set of numbers staring at me “9-12mos”, my eldest daughter’s old clothes.
August 31, 2025 at 4:26 PM
I took the all the 0-3mos and 3-6mos clothes out and dumped them on the bed, put them into give-away bags, then ripped up the little pieces of paper saying which age groups the clothes belonged to.
Another bag and set of numbers staring at me “9-12mos”, my eldest daughter’s old clothes.
Another bag and set of numbers staring at me “9-12mos”, my eldest daughter’s old clothes.
I realized this morning that the prayer in my heart to forgive and be forgiven is a prayer for my beloved to return.
In sadness I shook my head and let myself grieve. How many times, how many times?
In sadness I shook my head and let myself grieve. How many times, how many times?
August 26, 2025 at 12:37 PM
I realized this morning that the prayer in my heart to forgive and be forgiven is a prayer for my beloved to return.
In sadness I shook my head and let myself grieve. How many times, how many times?
In sadness I shook my head and let myself grieve. How many times, how many times?
Did you know that I do hundreds of repetitious things every day?
When I wake I grab my phone, night time teacup, hair tie. I walk to my eldest’s room and open her curtains, turn off her air conditioning (she’s asleep in my bed), walk into the kitchen, turn on the kettle, sigh, put things away.
When I wake I grab my phone, night time teacup, hair tie. I walk to my eldest’s room and open her curtains, turn off her air conditioning (she’s asleep in my bed), walk into the kitchen, turn on the kettle, sigh, put things away.
August 26, 2025 at 1:11 AM
Did you know that I do hundreds of repetitious things every day?
When I wake I grab my phone, night time teacup, hair tie. I walk to my eldest’s room and open her curtains, turn off her air conditioning (she’s asleep in my bed), walk into the kitchen, turn on the kettle, sigh, put things away.
When I wake I grab my phone, night time teacup, hair tie. I walk to my eldest’s room and open her curtains, turn off her air conditioning (she’s asleep in my bed), walk into the kitchen, turn on the kettle, sigh, put things away.
Lately the dreams have been every night. Every night, a visit with my beloved, and when the visit is done, a repetition of the new mantra, “Your cracked mind is living in a fantasy.”
Waking hours are repeating sets of loops, the same questions over and over, and a deafening silence.
Waking hours are repeating sets of loops, the same questions over and over, and a deafening silence.
August 17, 2025 at 3:42 PM
Lately the dreams have been every night. Every night, a visit with my beloved, and when the visit is done, a repetition of the new mantra, “Your cracked mind is living in a fantasy.”
Waking hours are repeating sets of loops, the same questions over and over, and a deafening silence.
Waking hours are repeating sets of loops, the same questions over and over, and a deafening silence.
I think I need to go home. Back to the fog, cliffs, eucalyptus trees, dry grasses, and smell of the pacific. Maybe everything would make sense again. Maybe I could unify my shattered self.
Here all things remind me of all other things. Here a constant fear. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Here all things remind me of all other things. Here a constant fear. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
August 13, 2025 at 5:08 PM
I think I need to go home. Back to the fog, cliffs, eucalyptus trees, dry grasses, and smell of the pacific. Maybe everything would make sense again. Maybe I could unify my shattered self.
Here all things remind me of all other things. Here a constant fear. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Here all things remind me of all other things. Here a constant fear. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Another dream with my beloved. It went as they usually do- we found one another, talked for awhile, drew physically closer and closer to each other, then as it seemed we were about to embrace each other, I awoke.
3:30am.
I told myself, It’s just a fantasy,” then tossed and turned for an hour.
3:30am.
I told myself, It’s just a fantasy,” then tossed and turned for an hour.
August 10, 2025 at 1:45 PM
Another dream with my beloved. It went as they usually do- we found one another, talked for awhile, drew physically closer and closer to each other, then as it seemed we were about to embrace each other, I awoke.
3:30am.
I told myself, It’s just a fantasy,” then tossed and turned for an hour.
3:30am.
I told myself, It’s just a fantasy,” then tossed and turned for an hour.
Another mother in the elevator also coming back from camp drop off, flustered and overwhelmed,
“Have a good afternoon.”
It is 8:56am and yes, it already feels like we’ve had a whole day.
“Hah. You too.”
“Have a good afternoon.”
It is 8:56am and yes, it already feels like we’ve had a whole day.
“Hah. You too.”
August 7, 2025 at 1:00 PM
Another mother in the elevator also coming back from camp drop off, flustered and overwhelmed,
“Have a good afternoon.”
It is 8:56am and yes, it already feels like we’ve had a whole day.
“Hah. You too.”
“Have a good afternoon.”
It is 8:56am and yes, it already feels like we’ve had a whole day.
“Hah. You too.”
Everything is a reminder
And every reminder is a plunge
I am reading the books
I am saying the prayers
But it’s as if my attempts were none
And every reminder is a plunge
I am reading the books
I am saying the prayers
But it’s as if my attempts were none
August 5, 2025 at 11:59 PM
Everything is a reminder
And every reminder is a plunge
I am reading the books
I am saying the prayers
But it’s as if my attempts were none
And every reminder is a plunge
I am reading the books
I am saying the prayers
But it’s as if my attempts were none
I admit it feels like a shortcoming- this need for prayer and a spiritual journey to heal my heart.
I had no intention of leaving my well reasoned position of “near-atheism” but I need answers or at least a salve for the wounds.
Isn’t this the truth of life? The world and we are ever changing.
I had no intention of leaving my well reasoned position of “near-atheism” but I need answers or at least a salve for the wounds.
Isn’t this the truth of life? The world and we are ever changing.
July 28, 2025 at 11:41 AM
I admit it feels like a shortcoming- this need for prayer and a spiritual journey to heal my heart.
I had no intention of leaving my well reasoned position of “near-atheism” but I need answers or at least a salve for the wounds.
Isn’t this the truth of life? The world and we are ever changing.
I had no intention of leaving my well reasoned position of “near-atheism” but I need answers or at least a salve for the wounds.
Isn’t this the truth of life? The world and we are ever changing.
In my attempt to pray, comes an attempt to expand my mind through reading.
“This is what the Buddha taught. When conditions are sufficient things manifest. When conditions are no longer sufficient things withdraw. They wait until the moment is right for them to manifest again.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
“This is what the Buddha taught. When conditions are sufficient things manifest. When conditions are no longer sufficient things withdraw. They wait until the moment is right for them to manifest again.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
July 28, 2025 at 1:04 AM
In my attempt to pray, comes an attempt to expand my mind through reading.
“This is what the Buddha taught. When conditions are sufficient things manifest. When conditions are no longer sufficient things withdraw. They wait until the moment is right for them to manifest again.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
“This is what the Buddha taught. When conditions are sufficient things manifest. When conditions are no longer sufficient things withdraw. They wait until the moment is right for them to manifest again.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
The last time something this bad happened, I rebounded my way though and out of anguish. This time I wake up in the middle of the night with prayers in my mouth- May I be forgiven and may I learn how to forgive.
I don’t think g_d hears me but it’s a comfort all the same.
I don’t think g_d hears me but it’s a comfort all the same.
July 27, 2025 at 12:29 PM
The last time something this bad happened, I rebounded my way though and out of anguish. This time I wake up in the middle of the night with prayers in my mouth- May I be forgiven and may I learn how to forgive.
I don’t think g_d hears me but it’s a comfort all the same.
I don’t think g_d hears me but it’s a comfort all the same.
She told me, “I keep giving my friends leaves and flowers and they throw them on the ground. My best friend says she doesn’t care about them. She doesn’t want me to give her a hug.”
I tell her, “Yes girlfriend, you can try but it doesn’t mean they want what you give them. That’s not how it works.”
I tell her, “Yes girlfriend, you can try but it doesn’t mean they want what you give them. That’s not how it works.”
July 26, 2025 at 12:57 AM
She told me, “I keep giving my friends leaves and flowers and they throw them on the ground. My best friend says she doesn’t care about them. She doesn’t want me to give her a hug.”
I tell her, “Yes girlfriend, you can try but it doesn’t mean they want what you give them. That’s not how it works.”
I tell her, “Yes girlfriend, you can try but it doesn’t mean they want what you give them. That’s not how it works.”