Dan Drier
@defiantmelons.bsky.social
Completely normal. Does not spend an hour in the bath each day. Does not go to bed at 8:00 p.m.
Day 6: I mopped the floors.
Okay, I mopped some of the floors.
Okay, a robot mopped some of the floors while I watched YouTube.
Okay, I mopped some of the floors.
Okay, a robot mopped some of the floors while I watched YouTube.
January 6, 2026 at 8:27 PM
Day 6: I mopped the floors.
Okay, I mopped some of the floors.
Okay, a robot mopped some of the floors while I watched YouTube.
Okay, I mopped some of the floors.
Okay, a robot mopped some of the floors while I watched YouTube.
Day 5: Total relapse.
January 6, 2026 at 12:22 AM
Day 5: Total relapse.
Day 4: Pulled up a rug glazed in wiener dog urine.
Quality of life increase: Low. We rarely go in that room.
#LeakingWiener #BadDog
Quality of life increase: Low. We rarely go in that room.
#LeakingWiener #BadDog
January 4, 2026 at 7:25 PM
Day 4: Pulled up a rug glazed in wiener dog urine.
Quality of life increase: Low. We rarely go in that room.
#LeakingWiener #BadDog
Quality of life increase: Low. We rarely go in that room.
#LeakingWiener #BadDog
Day 3: Steamed bacon for breakfast to reduce cholesterol. #WetItAndForgetIt #SuckItFriedFood
January 3, 2026 at 4:17 PM
Day 3: Steamed bacon for breakfast to reduce cholesterol. #WetItAndForgetIt #SuckItFriedFood
Day 2: Waxed nostrils, ears, and monobrow.
Attractiveness increase: 3%
Margin of error: 5%
#NewYearsRevolution #Ow
Attractiveness increase: 3%
Margin of error: 5%
#NewYearsRevolution #Ow
January 2, 2026 at 5:49 PM
Day 2: Waxed nostrils, ears, and monobrow.
Attractiveness increase: 3%
Margin of error: 5%
#NewYearsRevolution #Ow
Attractiveness increase: 3%
Margin of error: 5%
#NewYearsRevolution #Ow
January 1, 2026 at 7:19 PM
Actual song title my wife and I came up with this morning:
Cripple Parked Like A Jack-Hole (Now My Baby’s Cryin’)
Cripple Parked Like A Jack-Hole (Now My Baby’s Cryin’)
May 18, 2025 at 7:48 PM
Actual song title my wife and I came up with this morning:
Cripple Parked Like A Jack-Hole (Now My Baby’s Cryin’)
Cripple Parked Like A Jack-Hole (Now My Baby’s Cryin’)
Estonia was the true winner today. #eurovision #suckitaustria.
May 17, 2025 at 11:20 PM
Estonia was the true winner today. #eurovision #suckitaustria.
I’m stuck on a new joke. The setup has to do with a professional escort, wearing a skort, driving a Ford Escort. The punchline has to do with your mom being too large to fit into a compact car, or off-the-rack clothing. It’s all the middle stuff that has me stumped.
May 2, 2025 at 6:47 PM
I’m stuck on a new joke. The setup has to do with a professional escort, wearing a skort, driving a Ford Escort. The punchline has to do with your mom being too large to fit into a compact car, or off-the-rack clothing. It’s all the middle stuff that has me stumped.
@maddow.msnbc.com Are we going to celebrate Liberation Day annually going forward, or was that more of a one-time thing? I ask because I feel like we should buy our decorations now.
April 30, 2025 at 4:20 PM
@maddow.msnbc.com Are we going to celebrate Liberation Day annually going forward, or was that more of a one-time thing? I ask because I feel like we should buy our decorations now.
My wife just said dogs don’t do well on jungle gyms.
I agree.
They don’t.
I agree.
They don’t.
April 20, 2025 at 12:18 AM
My wife just said dogs don’t do well on jungle gyms.
I agree.
They don’t.
I agree.
They don’t.
Actual thing circumstance caused me to say just now:
‘A good boy would not have a gravely wiener.’
Good night.
‘A good boy would not have a gravely wiener.’
Good night.
April 10, 2025 at 2:53 AM
Actual thing circumstance caused me to say just now:
‘A good boy would not have a gravely wiener.’
Good night.
‘A good boy would not have a gravely wiener.’
Good night.
April 9, 2025 at 7:56 PM
This is how Star Wars started. It began with a trade war purposely started by Palpatine. It allowed him to obtain emergency powers and declare himself emperor. Let’s not do that. Let’s skip the Clone Wars entirely and go straight to forming the Rebel Alliance. #April19 #ANewHope #GetMeADamnX-Wing
April 8, 2025 at 4:36 PM
This is how Star Wars started. It began with a trade war purposely started by Palpatine. It allowed him to obtain emergency powers and declare himself emperor. Let’s not do that. Let’s skip the Clone Wars entirely and go straight to forming the Rebel Alliance. #April19 #ANewHope #GetMeADamnX-Wing
I’ve actually been through something similar. The first thing we need to do is take his shoelaces away.
#LiberationDay #CooCooBonkers
#LiberationDay #CooCooBonkers
April 3, 2025 at 9:20 PM
I’ve actually been through something similar. The first thing we need to do is take his shoelaces away.
#LiberationDay #CooCooBonkers
#LiberationDay #CooCooBonkers
Hegseth had a bold vision
For updating folks on his missions.
He’d forego procedure
With fun iPhone features.
Shame there’s no emoji for prison.
#whiskeyleaks #currenteventlimmericks
For updating folks on his missions.
He’d forego procedure
With fun iPhone features.
Shame there’s no emoji for prison.
#whiskeyleaks #currenteventlimmericks
March 27, 2025 at 2:05 PM
Hegseth had a bold vision
For updating folks on his missions.
He’d forego procedure
With fun iPhone features.
Shame there’s no emoji for prison.
#whiskeyleaks #currenteventlimmericks
For updating folks on his missions.
He’d forego procedure
With fun iPhone features.
Shame there’s no emoji for prison.
#whiskeyleaks #currenteventlimmericks
This Easter season, spare a thought to the lesser-known Little Bunny Foo-Foo, who kept the field free of conscious mice, and was summarily turned into a goon—without due process—by an authoritarian “good” fairy who didn’t know how to mind her own business.
March 24, 2025 at 11:24 PM
This Easter season, spare a thought to the lesser-known Little Bunny Foo-Foo, who kept the field free of conscious mice, and was summarily turned into a goon—without due process—by an authoritarian “good” fairy who didn’t know how to mind her own business.
I’ve given up on regaining all six of my abs. Two should be enough. One on each side, that is. Two stacked on one side might look weird.
March 22, 2025 at 3:30 PM
I’ve given up on regaining all six of my abs. Two should be enough. One on each side, that is. Two stacked on one side might look weird.
You know what else is great for helping to maintain a positive mindset?
Alcohol.
Alcohol.
March 21, 2025 at 9:15 PM
You know what else is great for helping to maintain a positive mindset?
Alcohol.
Alcohol.
It’s Free Cone Day at Dairy Queen. With a false moustache and a Swedish accent, you could probably score yourself two free cones. I speak from experience. Pass it on.
March 20, 2025 at 8:14 PM
It’s Free Cone Day at Dairy Queen. With a false moustache and a Swedish accent, you could probably score yourself two free cones. I speak from experience. Pass it on.
If I were planning to--hypothetically--dip a Q-Tip in French's Yellow Mustard and insert it one and three-quarters inches into a hypothetical sleeping person's left nostril (the large one), would that create any potential legal exposure on my part?
March 18, 2025 at 6:38 PM
If I were planning to--hypothetically--dip a Q-Tip in French's Yellow Mustard and insert it one and three-quarters inches into a hypothetical sleeping person's left nostril (the large one), would that create any potential legal exposure on my part?
Kit Kat Bunnies are a superfood. Anyone who doubts me is a traitor to their country.
March 7, 2025 at 9:54 PM
Kit Kat Bunnies are a superfood. Anyone who doubts me is a traitor to their country.