you are under no obligation to believe this, but the movie playing in the lounge for transgender night at the gay bathhouse this weekend was harry potter and the chamber of secrets. incredible move
December 21, 2025 at 11:05 PM
you are under no obligation to believe this, but the movie playing in the lounge for transgender night at the gay bathhouse this weekend was harry potter and the chamber of secrets. incredible move
"Who would have thought that beneath that rather Charlotte Brontë exterior, there was actually a Charlotte Brontë interior, full of meek pride, hopeless hope, and timid determination?"
www.thechatner.com/p/the-best-l...
www.thechatner.com/p/the-best-l...
The Best Lines From John Collier's "His Monkey Wife"
"Mr. Bernard Shaw would have been delighted. So was the chimp.”
www.thechatner.com
December 16, 2025 at 5:28 PM
"Who would have thought that beneath that rather Charlotte Brontë exterior, there was actually a Charlotte Brontë interior, full of meek pride, hopeless hope, and timid determination?"
www.thechatner.com/p/the-best-l...
www.thechatner.com/p/the-best-l...
the baby experienced the full spectrum of baby feelings today: joy, curiosity, gentleness, destruction, chicken, not allowed to touch guitar, weeping, laughing, leg stuck in crib, bath time, fear of Santa, throwing almonds in car, realizing he can hit me with a tennis racket, yelling at bedtime
December 14, 2025 at 4:54 AM
the baby experienced the full spectrum of baby feelings today: joy, curiosity, gentleness, destruction, chicken, not allowed to touch guitar, weeping, laughing, leg stuck in crib, bath time, fear of Santa, throwing almonds in car, realizing he can hit me with a tennis racket, yelling at bedtime
“That’s a new silver fox! It’s stunning.”
“Thank you.”
“It must have been pretty expensive.”
“It was.”
"The Shop Around The Corner" Without Any Christmas or Romance Is Still A Pretty Good Movie About Luggage Inventory
www.thechatner.com/p/the-shop-a...
“Thank you.”
“It must have been pretty expensive.”
“It was.”
"The Shop Around The Corner" Without Any Christmas or Romance Is Still A Pretty Good Movie About Luggage Inventory
www.thechatner.com/p/the-shop-a...
"The Shop Around The Corner" Without Any Christmas or Romance Is Still A Pretty Good Movie About Luggage Inventory
“That’s a new silver fox!
www.thechatner.com
December 12, 2025 at 10:43 PM
“That’s a new silver fox! It’s stunning.”
“Thank you.”
“It must have been pretty expensive.”
“It was.”
"The Shop Around The Corner" Without Any Christmas or Romance Is Still A Pretty Good Movie About Luggage Inventory
www.thechatner.com/p/the-shop-a...
“Thank you.”
“It must have been pretty expensive.”
“It was.”
"The Shop Around The Corner" Without Any Christmas or Romance Is Still A Pretty Good Movie About Luggage Inventory
www.thechatner.com/p/the-shop-a...
one of the many upsides of sleeping with much older men is they often text "copy that" when confirming the time of an assignation
December 12, 2025 at 9:23 PM
one of the many upsides of sleeping with much older men is they often text "copy that" when confirming the time of an assignation
because I like consistency and reasonable quality and shared taste; I like a well-made shoe and a twelve-dollar sandwich and driving a safe, popular car, I have made a list of books that will never change your life. They are all reasonably good:
open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...
open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...
Books That Will Never Change Your Life
Here is a list of books that will never try to change your life.
open.substack.com
December 10, 2025 at 5:41 PM
because I like consistency and reasonable quality and shared taste; I like a well-made shoe and a twelve-dollar sandwich and driving a safe, popular car, I have made a list of books that will never change your life. They are all reasonably good:
open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...
open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...
"Do you like my hat?" and "There is no democracy in any love relation: only mercy." Love's Work in Go, Dog, Go
www.thechatner.com/p/loves-work...
www.thechatner.com/p/loves-work...
Love's Work in "Go, Dog, Go"
Do you like my hat?
www.thechatner.com
December 5, 2025 at 10:47 PM
"Do you like my hat?" and "There is no democracy in any love relation: only mercy." Love's Work in Go, Dog, Go
www.thechatner.com/p/loves-work...
www.thechatner.com/p/loves-work...
“Potatoes matter to me. It’s important to treat them with respect. People matter to me too, but I think it’s better to focus on one thing at a time, rather than splitting your attention across everything you care about.”
Meeting New People comes out June 2nd
open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...
Meeting New People comes out June 2nd
open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...
"Potatoes matter to me": An Excerpt From Meeting New People
"Potatoes matter to me. It’s important to treat them with respect. People matter to me too, but I think it’s much better to focus on one thing at a time."
open.substack.com
December 2, 2025 at 6:56 PM
“Potatoes matter to me. It’s important to treat them with respect. People matter to me too, but I think it’s better to focus on one thing at a time, rather than splitting your attention across everything you care about.”
Meeting New People comes out June 2nd
open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...
Meeting New People comes out June 2nd
open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...
No :) I don’t need to do that right now :)
I’ll remember it
I'll remember it because it's important :)
www.thechatner.com/p/what-it-fe...
I’ll remember it
I'll remember it because it's important :)
www.thechatner.com/p/what-it-fe...
What It Feels Like to Not Have to Write Something Down
No :) I don’t need to do that right now :)
www.thechatner.com
November 24, 2025 at 7:52 PM
No :) I don’t need to do that right now :)
I’ll remember it
I'll remember it because it's important :)
www.thechatner.com/p/what-it-fe...
I’ll remember it
I'll remember it because it's important :)
www.thechatner.com/p/what-it-fe...
book PR scam copy has gotten just better enough in the last year that it drives me insane. I can't handle the extra five seconds of sleuthing before sending to spam!
www.thechatner.com/p/the-worst-...
www.thechatner.com/p/the-worst-...
The Worst Part About Publishing a Book in 2025 Is The New Kind of Spam
I don’t like getting spam emails as a general rule, but they’re usually pretty easy to filter and don’t cause more than a momentary spasm of irritation:
www.thechatner.com
November 21, 2025 at 8:19 PM
book PR scam copy has gotten just better enough in the last year that it drives me insane. I can't handle the extra five seconds of sleuthing before sending to spam!
www.thechatner.com/p/the-worst-...
www.thechatner.com/p/the-worst-...
It will not surprise you to learn that our nineteen-month-old has a charming and idiosyncratic way of saying the phrase “basketball hoop”: he says “Ba-ka-baa hoo.” He says it often and with great conviction.
www.thechatner.com/p/everything...
www.thechatner.com/p/everything...
Everything the Baby Currently Believes to be Basketball
The baby has recently entered into the age of fixations.
www.thechatner.com
November 17, 2025 at 9:01 PM
It will not surprise you to learn that our nineteen-month-old has a charming and idiosyncratic way of saying the phrase “basketball hoop”: he says “Ba-ka-baa hoo.” He says it often and with great conviction.
www.thechatner.com/p/everything...
www.thechatner.com/p/everything...
"Every five years between 1977-1989 and 1998-2015 sees a new Sorcerer sequel set in a different country with a different method of freight handling. This includes the movie Planes, Trains and Automobiles"
-Different kind of “shipping wars”
-Roy Scheider is nominated for a record-breaking 36 Emmys for his performance on NBC’s seaQuest DSV, beating Alan Alda’s run on M*A*S*H
www.thechatner.com/p/life-in-th...
-Roy Scheider is nominated for a record-breaking 36 Emmys for his performance on NBC’s seaQuest DSV, beating Alan Alda’s run on M*A*S*H
www.thechatner.com/p/life-in-th...
Life in the universe where William Friedkin’s Sorcerer beats out Star Wars: A New Hope at the box office in the spring of 1977
Roy Scheider is nominated for a record-breaking 36 Emmys for his performance on NBC’s seaQuest DSV, beating Alan Alda’s run on M*A*S*H
www.thechatner.com
November 14, 2025 at 7:21 PM
"Every five years between 1977-1989 and 1998-2015 sees a new Sorcerer sequel set in a different country with a different method of freight handling. This includes the movie Planes, Trains and Automobiles"
-Different kind of “shipping wars”
-Roy Scheider is nominated for a record-breaking 36 Emmys for his performance on NBC’s seaQuest DSV, beating Alan Alda’s run on M*A*S*H
www.thechatner.com/p/life-in-th...
-Roy Scheider is nominated for a record-breaking 36 Emmys for his performance on NBC’s seaQuest DSV, beating Alan Alda’s run on M*A*S*H
www.thechatner.com/p/life-in-th...
Life in the universe where William Friedkin’s Sorcerer beats out Star Wars: A New Hope at the box office in the spring of 1977
Roy Scheider is nominated for a record-breaking 36 Emmys for his performance on NBC’s seaQuest DSV, beating Alan Alda’s run on M*A*S*H
www.thechatner.com
November 14, 2025 at 4:41 PM
-Different kind of “shipping wars”
-Roy Scheider is nominated for a record-breaking 36 Emmys for his performance on NBC’s seaQuest DSV, beating Alan Alda’s run on M*A*S*H
www.thechatner.com/p/life-in-th...
-Roy Scheider is nominated for a record-breaking 36 Emmys for his performance on NBC’s seaQuest DSV, beating Alan Alda’s run on M*A*S*H
www.thechatner.com/p/life-in-th...
every year, for the last six years, I get about halfway through November thinking “wow, I’ve made it through November, the month everyone in my family revealead themselves to be part of a sinister pedophile-protecting cabal, without going insane at all this time”
November 14, 2025 at 4:04 AM
every year, for the last six years, I get about halfway through November thinking “wow, I’ve made it through November, the month everyone in my family revealead themselves to be part of a sinister pedophile-protecting cabal, without going insane at all this time”
tonight at 6pm at the Pegasus Books on Shattuck in Berkeley is the one and only reading I’m doing for the second Women’s Hotel book. come by!
I'm only doing one stop on the book tour for Christmas at the Women's Hotel -- this Monday at Pegasus Books in Berkeley with @soleilho.com. Don't miss it!
pegasusbookstore.com/event/2025-1...
pegasusbookstore.com/event/2025-1...
Daniel Lavery - "Christmas at the Women's Hotel", with Soleil Ho
***SEARCH HERE FOR NEW BOOKS. FOR INFORMATION ABOUT USED BOOKS, PLEASE CALL OR EMAIL US.***
pegasusbookstore.com
November 3, 2025 at 4:51 PM
tonight at 6pm at the Pegasus Books on Shattuck in Berkeley is the one and only reading I’m doing for the second Women’s Hotel book. come by!
Reposted by Danny Lavery
so excited to be in convo with my brother Danny!!
I'm only doing one stop on the book tour for Christmas at the Women's Hotel -- this Monday at Pegasus Books in Berkeley with @soleilho.com. Don't miss it!
pegasusbookstore.com/event/2025-1...
pegasusbookstore.com/event/2025-1...
Daniel Lavery - "Christmas at the Women's Hotel", with Soleil Ho
***SEARCH HERE FOR NEW BOOKS. FOR INFORMATION ABOUT USED BOOKS, PLEASE CALL OR EMAIL US.***
pegasusbookstore.com
November 2, 2025 at 6:48 PM
so excited to be in convo with my brother Danny!!
"Five days a week, should I particularly wish it, I might eat a hot lunch with gravy at no cost to myself, and without lifting a finger to prepare it."
www.thechatner.com/p/fielding-q...
www.thechatner.com/p/fielding-q...
Fielding Questions About My New Job's Shift Meal Policy
DANIEL: The burden is easy; the yoke is light. I receive no more than two to three emails a day on average. FRIENDS: Surely not —!DANIEL: It is not unheard of to go an entire day at work without recei...
www.thechatner.com
October 31, 2025 at 8:40 PM
"Five days a week, should I particularly wish it, I might eat a hot lunch with gravy at no cost to myself, and without lifting a finger to prepare it."
www.thechatner.com/p/fielding-q...
www.thechatner.com/p/fielding-q...
I'm only doing one stop on the book tour for Christmas at the Women's Hotel -- this Monday at Pegasus Books in Berkeley with @soleilho.com. Don't miss it!
pegasusbookstore.com/event/2025-1...
pegasusbookstore.com/event/2025-1...
Daniel Lavery - "Christmas at the Women's Hotel", with Soleil Ho
***SEARCH HERE FOR NEW BOOKS. FOR INFORMATION ABOUT USED BOOKS, PLEASE CALL OR EMAIL US.***
pegasusbookstore.com
October 31, 2025 at 8:33 PM
I'm only doing one stop on the book tour for Christmas at the Women's Hotel -- this Monday at Pegasus Books in Berkeley with @soleilho.com. Don't miss it!
pegasusbookstore.com/event/2025-1...
pegasusbookstore.com/event/2025-1...
rescuing gooners from themselves: dazed, blue-eyed, limpid, wearing hospital gowns, ready for rehab
October 26, 2025 at 2:39 PM
rescuing gooners from themselves: dazed, blue-eyed, limpid, wearing hospital gowns, ready for rehab
It’s also very funny to sentimentalize forest porn caches as like, “Oh, you really had to work for your nut then, porn had to be earned by hard work and honest sweat.”
"If you believe these guys are avatars of sexual ruination/failed masculinity, you’re buying into the thing they’re getting off on. Lots of trans people get off to similar ideas. Cis men just don’t have the escape hatch of calling it a coping mechanism for trauma"
www.thechatner.com/p/but-pornos...
www.thechatner.com/p/but-pornos...
"But PornosexualGooner101 Died 35 Years Ago...This Very Night!"
"There’s this idea that straight cis men have an entirely uncomplicated relationship to porn because they’re the most normative porn consumer demographic, but straight cis men are often surprisingly t...
www.thechatner.com
October 25, 2025 at 7:34 PM
It’s also very funny to sentimentalize forest porn caches as like, “Oh, you really had to work for your nut then, porn had to be earned by hard work and honest sweat.”
"If you believe these guys are avatars of sexual ruination/failed masculinity, you’re buying into the thing they’re getting off on. Lots of trans people get off to similar ideas. Cis men just don’t have the escape hatch of calling it a coping mechanism for trauma"
www.thechatner.com/p/but-pornos...
www.thechatner.com/p/but-pornos...
"But PornosexualGooner101 Died 35 Years Ago...This Very Night!"
"There’s this idea that straight cis men have an entirely uncomplicated relationship to porn because they’re the most normative porn consumer demographic, but straight cis men are often surprisingly t...
www.thechatner.com
October 25, 2025 at 7:16 PM
"If you believe these guys are avatars of sexual ruination/failed masculinity, you’re buying into the thing they’re getting off on. Lots of trans people get off to similar ideas. Cis men just don’t have the escape hatch of calling it a coping mechanism for trauma"
www.thechatner.com/p/but-pornos...
www.thechatner.com/p/but-pornos...
my third novel is about a relentless string of friendship bust-ups. MEETING NEW PEOPLE comes out summer 2026
October 21, 2025 at 10:39 PM
my third novel is about a relentless string of friendship bust-ups. MEETING NEW PEOPLE comes out summer 2026
when is too soon to ask to join the sacred band of thebes in a new relationship open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...
Being Asked to Join the Sacred Band of Thebes a Little Too Soon in a New Relationship
We had talked about the possibility in a general way once or twice, I’m sure. Lots of lovers do. They do it in the same way you might also talk about retiring to one of your villas in the countryside,...
open.substack.com
October 21, 2025 at 2:12 PM
when is too soon to ask to join the sacred band of thebes in a new relationship open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...
in Calvinism it’s “buy me Bonestorm and go to Hell”
October 16, 2025 at 8:29 PM
in Calvinism it’s “buy me Bonestorm and go to Hell”
Cupid and Psyche, part IV: “Chores for wives, house arrest for husbands, was the order of the day.”
open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...
open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...
Cupid and Psyche, Part IV: Somebody Get Me Some Wool
Cupid, meanwhile, was grounded. Recuperating. Chores for wives, house arrest for husbands, was the order of the day.
open.substack.com
October 14, 2025 at 4:52 PM
Cupid and Psyche, part IV: “Chores for wives, house arrest for husbands, was the order of the day.”
open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...
open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...