Crazy Ralph 🥃 (God damn parody!!!)
@crazyralph1980.bsky.social
I'm a Messenger of God!! You're doomed!!! You're all doomed!!! Parody!!!!
Pinned
When did this bullshit happen?!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My new god damn solo album will be dropping on November 28th!!!!! Just in time for the holiday season!!!!!!
November 13, 2025 at 1:55 PM
My new god damn solo album will be dropping on November 28th!!!!! Just in time for the holiday season!!!!!!
Hot damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
November 9, 2025 at 12:26 PM
Hot damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Never fear! The god damn new Cracker Barrel logo is here!!!!!
August 27, 2025 at 5:15 PM
Never fear! The god damn new Cracker Barrel logo is here!!!!!
My manager called me in the middle of a god damn Kojak episode asking if I wanted to come in!!! I said, no! He said, can I ask why?!! So I said, only assholes go to work on their day off! He said, today was my day off and I came in. I said, bingo! and hung up!
#Walmart
#Walmart
August 1, 2025 at 6:14 PM
My manager called me in the middle of a god damn Kojak episode asking if I wanted to come in!!! I said, no! He said, can I ask why?!! So I said, only assholes go to work on their day off! He said, today was my day off and I came in. I said, bingo! and hung up!
#Walmart
#Walmart
Bob Ross!!! You gotta be god damn shittin me!!!
July 7, 2025 at 6:02 PM
Bob Ross!!! You gotta be god damn shittin me!!!
Need a new car stereo?! Come to Crazy Ralph's Car Stereo! We test each car stereo with nothing but Kid Rock ditties because, let's face it, if we can make that bullshit sound good we can make anything sound good! Use promo code DOOM and get a free Conway Twitty CD of your choice!
July 1, 2025 at 12:11 PM
Need a new car stereo?! Come to Crazy Ralph's Car Stereo! We test each car stereo with nothing but Kid Rock ditties because, let's face it, if we can make that bullshit sound good we can make anything sound good! Use promo code DOOM and get a free Conway Twitty CD of your choice!
According to the ditty that just played, apparently, You want it all but you can't have it!!!! And also,
It's in your face but you can't grab it!!!!!
#WalmartRadio
It's in your face but you can't grab it!!!!!
#WalmartRadio
June 29, 2025 at 1:16 PM
According to the ditty that just played, apparently, You want it all but you can't have it!!!! And also,
It's in your face but you can't grab it!!!!!
#WalmartRadio
It's in your face but you can't grab it!!!!!
#WalmartRadio
What it's like hanging out with me!!!!!!!!!
June 26, 2025 at 3:34 PM
What it's like hanging out with me!!!!!!!!!
It's so god damn hot I saw Jason stop and spray a few sprays of water on his mask yesterday while he was chasing down a victim!!!!!
#heatwave2025
#heatwave2025
June 26, 2025 at 3:30 PM
It's so god damn hot I saw Jason stop and spray a few sprays of water on his mask yesterday while he was chasing down a victim!!!!!
#heatwave2025
#heatwave2025
DM of DOOM!!!!!
June 18, 2025 at 3:48 AM
DM of DOOM!!!!!
This is who runs this god damn account!!!!!!!
June 17, 2025 at 12:22 PM
This is who runs this god damn account!!!!!!!
I got kicked out of karate class last night for shitting my god damn gi!!!!!!!!
June 17, 2025 at 12:20 PM
I got kicked out of karate class last night for shitting my god damn gi!!!!!!!!
DM of DOOM!!!!!!
June 17, 2025 at 12:20 PM
DM of DOOM!!!!!!
Another Friday the 13th is in the god damn books!!!!!! People Wanged, people chunged, and I'm sure lots of doobies were smoked!!!! Hopefully things can get back to normal!!!!!!!!
June 14, 2025 at 7:37 PM
Another Friday the 13th is in the god damn books!!!!!! People Wanged, people chunged, and I'm sure lots of doobies were smoked!!!! Hopefully things can get back to normal!!!!!!!!
I took an early flight to Oakland!!!! No god damn masked assholes will be bothering me today!!!!!
June 13, 2025 at 2:22 PM
I took an early flight to Oakland!!!! No god damn masked assholes will be bothering me today!!!!!
Last night I woke up and the ghost of Conway Twitty was in my room! He said, "Ralph, Muffin is about to shit in your yard!" Then he disappeared! I looked out my window and there she was! I said, Muffin, leave this place! And she ran away! Thanks Conway! I god damn owe you one!
June 4, 2025 at 4:03 PM
Last night I woke up and the ghost of Conway Twitty was in my room! He said, "Ralph, Muffin is about to shit in your yard!" Then he disappeared! I looked out my window and there she was! I said, Muffin, leave this place! And she ran away! Thanks Conway! I god damn owe you one!
Same!!! Only substitute shit my pants for take a nap!!!!
My body's strongest desire to take a nap, happens right before I have to head to work. 😓
May 30, 2025 at 12:46 PM
Same!!! Only substitute shit my pants for take a nap!!!!
In 1985, after watching Back to the Future, I had the idea of putting a god damn flux capacitor on my bike, go back to 1945, kick Elias in the Jimmy using the crane technique I learned the year before, and make Jason's birth impossible!! I just couldn't get my bike up to 85 mph!
May 30, 2025 at 11:26 AM
In 1985, after watching Back to the Future, I had the idea of putting a god damn flux capacitor on my bike, go back to 1945, kick Elias in the Jimmy using the crane technique I learned the year before, and make Jason's birth impossible!! I just couldn't get my bike up to 85 mph!
Someone broke into my homestead last night and took all the god damn Burger King coupons I had hanging on my frigidaire!!!!!!
May 28, 2025 at 4:10 PM
Someone broke into my homestead last night and took all the god damn Burger King coupons I had hanging on my frigidaire!!!!!!
I spent all weekend passed out!!!! What did I miss?!!!!!!!
May 27, 2025 at 3:51 AM
I spent all weekend passed out!!!! What did I miss?!!!!!!!
You're doomed if you stay here!!!
May 24, 2025 at 3:56 AM
You're doomed if you stay here!!!
My fantasy baseball opponent is cursed! Cursed!!!!!
May 23, 2025 at 5:24 PM
My fantasy baseball opponent is cursed! Cursed!!!!!
I can cross this off the god damn bucket list!!!!!!!
May 15, 2025 at 4:12 PM
I can cross this off the god damn bucket list!!!!!!!