Craig Hillman
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craighillman.bsky.social
Craig Hillman
@craighillman.bsky.social
160 followers 240 following 680 posts
Artist/writer into horror, science fiction, musical comedy
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craighillman.bsky.social
Craig Hillman @craighillman.bsky.social · Jun 11
Closed up a plot hole that has always bugged me.
#TheWizardOfOz #Wicked
Two sepia-toned frames from the final scene of The Wizard of Oz. Dorothy is in bed, surrounded by Auntie Em, Uncle Henry, the farmhands, and Professor Marvel. In the first frame, Toto has just jumped on the bed. Dorothy is saying: "Toto! You're alive!" In the second frame, clasping the dog to her chest, she tearily asks the others: "But doesn't Miss Gulch still want to have him destroyed?" Two following frames from the finale of The Wizard of Oz. Top frame: Professor Marvel annswers "Oh, I think we can say the twister put an end to those plans," sharing a sly, knowing look with the other adults, who seem amused. Bottom frame: Dorothy hugs Toto, looking relieved. Two final frames of The Wizard of Oz. Top frame: Miss Gulch and her bicycle are skewered upon a leaning, broken telegraph pole, several more of which can be seen in the distance. Her impaled body droops lifelessly, suspended above the dirt road. Bottom frame: A closing credit reads, The End
craighillman.bsky.social
In an alternate timeline we got this gem.
A VHS sleeve for Blake Edwards' nonexistent 1965 movie PARDON HER FRENCH, starring Rock Hudson and Carol Burnett Leonard Maltin's imaginary review of PARDON HER FRENCH. Three and a half stars.
September 11, 2025 at 12:51 PM
craighillman.bsky.social
Audra McDonald's PR team for the win
Audra McDonald's TIME cover, next to the photo of Patti LuPone in the New Yorker interview. And then the Wicked Witch of the West, melting.
May 28, 2025 at 10:46 PM
craighillman.bsky.social
If you see this, post a monster 👹
A man in a lobster bib is hoisted into the air by a monstrous crab claw, next to a sign for Giant Crab Gourmet Seafood Buffet.
May 27, 2025 at 6:40 PM
craighillman.bsky.social
My contribution to this month's @hellsculptclub.bsky.social art challenge (prompt: "Terror from the Abyss")
LAST BREATH A gigantic crablike deep-sea creature on the ocean floor clutches a dying killer whale in its massive claws as two other orcas escape into the inky darkness beyond. The captured orca is expelling a column of blood and air bubbles into the water.
May 17, 2025 at 11:25 PM
craighillman.bsky.social
Birds (?)
an ostrich collaged together from lamp stands, a rose, a tea kettle, and a human arm a penguin hidden amidst houndstooth a trio of weird dinosaur birds...or maybe rhino heads flipped on their sides so that their horns resemble beaks and their nostrils become eyes plastic toy whistles on a recorder resembling colorful songbirds perched on a branch
May 17, 2025 at 6:50 PM
craighillman.bsky.social
It's not much to look at, but that Papal Chimney is a little diva.
#NewPope #Vatican #Conclave
May 8, 2025 at 4:15 AM
craighillman.bsky.social
Still unsure how the #conclave works, but I'm pretty sure the Cardinals should've completed the worm round by now.
the Cardinals at the Vatican adjust their headpieces while chirping like hungry birds, hoping to win the worm from the Cardinale Supremo (or whatever the hell that bigass bird is called)
May 7, 2025 at 8:00 PM
Reposted by Craig Hillman
craighillman.bsky.social
what is going on
Mr. Bean working as an aircraft marshaller
May 7, 2025 at 5:41 AM
craighillman.bsky.social
If you see this, post a witch. 🧙‍♀️
a witch wearing a plastic Halloween mask of a witch
April 30, 2025 at 6:13 AM
Reposted by Craig Hillman
craighillman.bsky.social
In France, children are told that their Easter eggs are delivered by Les Cloches Volantes: the Flying Bells. At all other times of year, they are instructed to avoid these bloodthirsty, roving predators. Joyeuses Pâcques á tous!
two vintage French greeting cards depicting the Flying Bells delivering eggs at Easter a vintage black and white photograph depicting the Flying Bells floating above Paris trailing ethereal tentacles
March 31, 2024 at 11:07 AM
craighillman.bsky.social
"Is he still staring?"
an elephant seal sits at the end of a bar, eyeing a trio of marshmallow peeps
April 20, 2025 at 3:50 PM
craighillman.bsky.social
News is awful. Post Godzilla.

#godzilla
A team of scientists in a high tech command center communicate with Godzilla over a video screen, saying "No, Godzilla! We said 'Go take a shower'! Take! A! Shower!" Godzilla is shaking an uprooted Eiffel tower in his fist
April 14, 2025 at 3:18 AM
craighillman.bsky.social
Happy National Unicorn Day!
If you spied a unicorn, how would she look? Not at all like the pictures you see in a book; No, she isn't defined by a horn, or a beard-A unicorn's ANYTHING wonderfully weird! -BUT!- Exceedingly fleeting! Remarkable rare! Like a flash of blue moonlight from out of thin air, Or like lightning that strikes where it's already struck, That you glance upon- chance upon-purely by luck. Though the odds of detection are monstrously slight, The truth is she's hiding-Right there!-in plain sight. So: Throw open your eyes! (And now open them wider.) She'll only stay hidden till somebody's spied her.
April 9, 2025 at 11:24 PM
craighillman.bsky.social
If you see this, post something monochromatic
A black-and-white photograph of two explorers, perhaps husband and wife, in an arctic setting with a Yeti. In the background, a hot air/helium balloon is tethered to a glacial cliff.
April 5, 2025 at 9:39 PM
craighillman.bsky.social
A poem by me about pie.
ROOM FOR PIE by Craig Hillman "You may eat all you want to, but leave room for pie." Seem'd not like a warning—she'd said it so simply; Not sternly, not strictly, not do-this-or-die— That fine Sunday morning at brunch with Miss Dimply. Her table was spread with a sumptuous feast Of sausages, jellies, and yummies galore! We glutted and fed till we hadn't the least Bit of room in our bellies for anything more. Had we but remember'd Miss Dimply's advice, And followed her counsel and swallowed a slice Of the pie that she served once the main course had ended, Our present dilemma might have been prevented. (How could we have known she'd have grown so offended?) She mightn't have locked us down here in the cellar And fed us on nothing but pies ever since. She frightened us so that we're fearful to tell her We're dreadfully tired of pies made of quince, And pies made of apples, and pies made of cherries, And pies made of peaches, and pies made of berries, And pies made of pumpkin, and pecan, and plum— The faster we eat them, the faster they come! Her revenge (you'll agree) is decidedly sweet, And eventually we'll admit our defeat, But for now, stomachs aching, we brave each long hour And pray—for our sake—that she runs out of flour. Imagine how bitterly irony hurts When one is so lit' rally served just desserts!
March 31, 2025 at 1:22 AM
craighillman.bsky.social
Get a load of these absolute freaks
a bed designed for non-monogamy, or possibly a Lego build of a scene from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids
March 26, 2025 at 4:29 PM
craighillman.bsky.social
"I'd like to solve, Pat."

(By my count I'm only the [Let's see... first... second... third...] sixth! person who made this joke*.

I'll take sixth.

*in the comments of the OP; not across this poor man's entire life.)
A "Before & After" puzzle on Wheel of Fortune reading "L _ R R _ _ _ N _ S _ L _ _ _ N"
March 24, 2025 at 1:21 PM
craighillman.bsky.social
"When I eventually open my eyes, the crowd that has silently gathered around me breaks into awestruck applause. Tears stain many of their cheeks. Quite a few, I note, are recording me on verboten cellphones." (1/2)
a photo illustrating the Corpse Pose (Savasana): "Release any effort from holding your limbs in position. Relax your whole body, even your face." A woman in lavender tights and a black tank tee lies on her back on a blue yoga mat, her arms palms-up at her side, her eyes closed.
March 21, 2025 at 8:37 PM
craighillman.bsky.social
If you see this, quote post your green art 💚
a collagimal froggie made from two images of raw chicken
March 17, 2025 at 4:33 PM
craighillman.bsky.social
St. Patrick's Day is upon us, and—as I (a die-hard Gen Xer) do every year—I've been reminiscing about the nostalgic annual visits from the likes of "Cookie O'Puss" and "Uncle O'Grimacey."

🧵 (1/10)
Cookie O'Puss, the seasonal ice cream cake offered by Carvel during the St. Patrick's Day season. He/she/it is vaguely leprechaun like, decorated in green and white frosting, with a top hat, round cookie-sandwich eyes and an ice cream–cone nose. A deteriorated video image from an old McDonald's commercial showing Uncle O'Grimacey paying his annual St. Patrick's Day visit to his nephew, Grimace, in McDonaldland. Ronald McDonald is also present. Whereas Grimace, a man-sized, googly eyed, plushy tastebud is a deep purple, Uncle O'Grimacy is acid-lime green. UOG is wearing a green hat (think leprechaun) and a green/golden yellow satin vest festooned in shamrocks.
March 16, 2025 at 10:33 PM
craighillman.bsky.social
If you see this, share a skeleton!
An (altered) engraving from the 1822 comic novel "Life in Paris" by David Carey, illustrated by George Cruikshank. It shows a group of tourists in the Paris catacombs being frightened by a man puppeteering a skull on a stick. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the prankster, an immense skeleton is creeping up behind him. A creature with milk-white eyes lurks within a wall of catacomb skulls and bones.
March 15, 2025 at 8:07 PM
craighillman.bsky.social
Post a #Werewolf!
An art/museum gallery with hanging quilts on display. The one in the foreground shows the silhouette of a wolf rearing up on its hind legs against an ivory background, with a silver cross emblazoned on its chest, encircled by phases of the moon in midnight blue, and purple and green sprigs of wolfsbane embroidered around the periphery A detail of the reverse of a quilt, showing fishing hooks sewn in rows upon the linen. It is bloodstained. The iPhone photographer's reflection can be seen in the glass The museum description of the quilt, known as a "Still Quilt," or Pătură Nemișcăta in the original Romanian An antique stereogram depicting a man lying in bed beneath a "still quilt." The legend reads "The Beast is Contained."
March 14, 2025 at 3:20 PM
craighillman.bsky.social
When something enters the public domain it should be called "I.P. Freely."
Steamboat Willie, which entered the public domain on January 1, 2024.
March 10, 2025 at 2:42 PM
craighillman.bsky.social
As long as they know when to hold up their sign, they're good.
the Democratic side of Congress holding up a mosaic of signs that together spell out "BITE ME" as Trump addresses them from the lectern
March 4, 2025 at 10:50 PM
craighillman.bsky.social
hmm just as I suspected
typing "L-U-I" into the Google search bar yields the expected popular search suggestions, including "luigi sex tape WHERE PLEASE GOD"
March 4, 2025 at 4:43 PM