Chris Zappa
@chriszappa.com
Dispatches from the crumbling American empire @ gonzoreport.com
Very nice and much deserved! Really loving the Liquid Glass refresh and, as always, can't beat the features, design, and reliability!
January 7, 2026 at 5:12 PM
Very nice and much deserved! Really loving the Liquid Glass refresh and, as always, can't beat the features, design, and reliability!
None of us can say that we did Nazi this coming.
The Convicted Felon who has taken at least three cognitive exams & falls asleep during official meetings just bombed Venezuela and kidnapped its leader.
January 3, 2026 at 12:37 PM
None of us can say that we did Nazi this coming.
BREAKING: US LAUNCHES MILITARY STRIKES ON VENEZUELA
The petrodollar gets what the petrodollar wants, and Venezuela has what the petrodollar wants.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/jan-3-2026
The petrodollar gets what the petrodollar wants, and Venezuela has what the petrodollar wants.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/jan-3-2026
BREAKING: US LAUNCHES MILITARY STRIKES ON VENEZUELA
The petrodollar gets what the petrodollar wants
gonzoreport.substack.com
January 3, 2026 at 12:34 PM
BREAKING: US LAUNCHES MILITARY STRIKES ON VENEZUELA
The petrodollar gets what the petrodollar wants, and Venezuela has what the petrodollar wants.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/jan-3-2026
The petrodollar gets what the petrodollar wants, and Venezuela has what the petrodollar wants.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/jan-3-2026
🙏✊ Happy new year, my friend.
December 31, 2025 at 8:11 PM
🙏✊ Happy new year, my friend.
This is a real push notification I just received from the Associated Press, and I’m convinced we couldn’t be more embarrassing as a nation if we tried.
December 31, 2025 at 5:04 PM
This is a real push notification I just received from the Associated Press, and I’m convinced we couldn’t be more embarrassing as a nation if we tried.
Just me, out here raw-dogging reality like some kind of goddamn psychopath on a mission to be a better version of myself. Two years sober and still basically feral—just with better recall of where the fuck I put my keys.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-29-2025
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-29-2025
There’s a lot to be said for object permanence
Plus: Hooray—we’re all domestic terrorists!
gonzoreport.substack.com
December 31, 2025 at 5:04 PM
Just me, out here raw-dogging reality like some kind of goddamn psychopath on a mission to be a better version of myself. Two years sober and still basically feral—just with better recall of where the fuck I put my keys.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-29-2025
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-29-2025
Reposted by Chris Zappa
I hate when I gain 20 pounds for the role of my life and then remember I'm not an actor
December 28, 2025 at 12:54 PM
I hate when I gain 20 pounds for the role of my life and then remember I'm not an actor
All I want for Christmas is the Epstein files.
December 24, 2025 at 4:11 PM
All I want for Christmas is the Epstein files.
I know, right? He can’t be as genuinely dumb as he comes across all the fucking time…can he? Why be so purposefully obtuse?
December 22, 2025 at 1:52 AM
I know, right? He can’t be as genuinely dumb as he comes across all the fucking time…can he? Why be so purposefully obtuse?
Reposted by Chris Zappa
JD Vance cozying up to the sort of white supremacists who would consider his wife and children insufficiently white (and hence American) is pretty bleak, and says a lot about his character.
December 22, 2025 at 1:46 AM
JD Vance cozying up to the sort of white supremacists who would consider his wife and children insufficiently white (and hence American) is pretty bleak, and says a lot about his character.
Shout out to TikTok for attracting talented people to their platform while managing to be a festering cesspool run by idiots and assholes who apply rules unevenly, always favoring hate speech over those who stand up to it. I just got permanently banned from TikTok. Five years gone. Poof! #FuckTikTok
December 18, 2025 at 2:28 AM
Shout out to TikTok for attracting talented people to their platform while managing to be a festering cesspool run by idiots and assholes who apply rules unevenly, always favoring hate speech over those who stand up to it. I just got permanently banned from TikTok. Five years gone. Poof! #FuckTikTok
Reposted by Chris Zappa
…leave it to the human equivalent of an overflowing septic tank to make the Reiners' deaths all about him, proving, once again, that even in moments of shared horror, he can't resist centering himself and shitting on the real victims of tragedy.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-16-2025
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-16-2025
The so-called president of the United States is an industrial-grade piece of shit
Fuck Donald Trump
gonzoreport.substack.com
December 16, 2025 at 8:20 PM
…leave it to the human equivalent of an overflowing septic tank to make the Reiners' deaths all about him, proving, once again, that even in moments of shared horror, he can't resist centering himself and shitting on the real victims of tragedy.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-16-2025
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-16-2025
…leave it to the human equivalent of an overflowing septic tank to make the Reiners' deaths all about him, proving, once again, that even in moments of shared horror, he can't resist centering himself and shitting on the real victims of tragedy.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-16-2025
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-16-2025
The so-called president of the United States is an industrial-grade piece of shit
Fuck Donald Trump
gonzoreport.substack.com
December 16, 2025 at 8:20 PM
…leave it to the human equivalent of an overflowing septic tank to make the Reiners' deaths all about him, proving, once again, that even in moments of shared horror, he can't resist centering himself and shitting on the real victims of tragedy.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-16-2025
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-16-2025
December 4, 2025 at 6:45 PM
Well said.
Everything is a "con job" to a con man--unless he's controlling the con. Then it's "business".
Trump Calls Affordability a ‘Con Job’ as His Edge on the Economy Slips www.nytimes.com/2025/12/02/u...
Since the mental case who recently discovered what groceries meant🤨👇🏼
Since the mental case who recently discovered what groceries meant🤨👇🏼
December 3, 2025 at 2:53 PM
Well said.
Reposted by Chris Zappa
This feels like an awakening—like we have collectively (finally!) decided that corporate America’s executive leadership and their avaricious shareholders can take their shrinkflation-fueled record profits and shove them up their asses.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-1-2025
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-1-2025
Fun fact: pawns can deliver checkmate
You corporate cunts remember that the next time you raise prices
gonzoreport.substack.com
December 2, 2025 at 1:39 AM
This feels like an awakening—like we have collectively (finally!) decided that corporate America’s executive leadership and their avaricious shareholders can take their shrinkflation-fueled record profits and shove them up their asses.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-1-2025
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-1-2025
If you couldn’t tell, I fucking hate him.
For more like this, please subscribe to the daily Gonzo Report and enjoy as I tear Spray-Tan Stalin and his gang of grifters, goons, and gutter trash a new asshole.
gonzoreport.substack.com/subscribe
For more like this, please subscribe to the daily Gonzo Report and enjoy as I tear Spray-Tan Stalin and his gang of grifters, goons, and gutter trash a new asshole.
gonzoreport.substack.com/subscribe
December 2, 2025 at 7:14 PM
If you couldn’t tell, I fucking hate him.
For more like this, please subscribe to the daily Gonzo Report and enjoy as I tear Spray-Tan Stalin and his gang of grifters, goons, and gutter trash a new asshole.
gonzoreport.substack.com/subscribe
For more like this, please subscribe to the daily Gonzo Report and enjoy as I tear Spray-Tan Stalin and his gang of grifters, goons, and gutter trash a new asshole.
gonzoreport.substack.com/subscribe
This feels like an awakening—like we have collectively (finally!) decided that corporate America’s executive leadership and their avaricious shareholders can take their shrinkflation-fueled record profits and shove them up their asses.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-1-2025
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-1-2025
Fun fact: pawns can deliver checkmate
You corporate cunts remember that the next time you raise prices
gonzoreport.substack.com
December 2, 2025 at 1:39 AM
This feels like an awakening—like we have collectively (finally!) decided that corporate America’s executive leadership and their avaricious shareholders can take their shrinkflation-fueled record profits and shove them up their asses.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-1-2025
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/dec-1-2025
“Oh dear god wtf” was what I involuntarily said out loud when I first read this.
December 1, 2025 at 3:17 PM
“Oh dear god wtf” was what I involuntarily said out loud when I first read this.
Elon Musk can go fuck himself.
November 27, 2025 at 5:36 PM
Elon Musk can go fuck himself.
Right now, at the White House, a pig is pardoning a couple of turkeys.
November 25, 2025 at 5:23 PM
Right now, at the White House, a pig is pardoning a couple of turkeys.
When a society rewards abhorrent behavior with power, when cruelty and brutality become acceptable, when truth is silenced and dissent is oppressed, you don’t just get a more emboldened dictator.
You get a permission structure.
You get a blueprint.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/nov-23-2025
You get a permission structure.
You get a blueprint.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/nov-23-2025
Quiet, piggy.
Pig calling reporter piggy is the new pot calling kettle black
gonzoreport.substack.com
November 24, 2025 at 2:49 AM
When a society rewards abhorrent behavior with power, when cruelty and brutality become acceptable, when truth is silenced and dissent is oppressed, you don’t just get a more emboldened dictator.
You get a permission structure.
You get a blueprint.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/nov-23-2025
You get a permission structure.
You get a blueprint.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/nov-23-2025
Mark, I'd be honored if you'd read this piece I published this morning. I really think you'd enjoy it.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/nov-23-2025
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/nov-23-2025
Quiet, piggy.
Pig calling reporter piggy is the new pot calling kettle black
gonzoreport.substack.com
November 24, 2025 at 2:47 AM
Mark, I'd be honored if you'd read this piece I published this morning. I really think you'd enjoy it.
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/nov-23-2025
gonzoreport.substack.com/p/nov-23-2025