Chris
@chrislockefun.bsky.social
I’m a showman. I put on such a wonderful show!
Pinned
Chris
@chrislockefun.bsky.social
· Jul 12
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Today we have Johnny Hell, Bob Crap, And Steve Shit
I’m not religious because I don’t want to go to Hell, be burning in a lake of fire, then the archangel Michael’s giving Mary a tour and I’m going “Hey Mary! Mary over here! In the lake of fire! Mary!” And she doesn’t even notice me
November 15, 2025 at 3:46 PM
I’m not religious because I don’t want to go to Hell, be burning in a lake of fire, then the archangel Michael’s giving Mary a tour and I’m going “Hey Mary! Mary over here! In the lake of fire! Mary!” And she doesn’t even notice me
If everything’s a hoax then what is my brain?
November 14, 2025 at 7:48 PM
If everything’s a hoax then what is my brain?
1/2 Thanks honestly to God the Lord for building my body in your garage while DEVO played on the record player and your wife, Allison, made ham and Swiss submarine sandwiches with chocolate milk in little yellow and red plastic cups…
November 13, 2025 at 9:26 PM
1/2 Thanks honestly to God the Lord for building my body in your garage while DEVO played on the record player and your wife, Allison, made ham and Swiss submarine sandwiches with chocolate milk in little yellow and red plastic cups…
It's goin' down, I'm yellin', "Timber"
You better move, you better dance
Let's make a night you won't remember
I'll be the one you won't forget
You better move, you better dance
Let's make a night you won't remember
I'll be the one you won't forget
November 12, 2025 at 8:28 PM
It's goin' down, I'm yellin', "Timber"
You better move, you better dance
Let's make a night you won't remember
I'll be the one you won't forget
You better move, you better dance
Let's make a night you won't remember
I'll be the one you won't forget
You are born. Then you learn that we all eventually die. This is why you run around yelling that doom is on its way! Relax. Sip a snifter of brandy by your ginormous roaring fireplace 🔥
November 12, 2025 at 7:12 PM
You are born. Then you learn that we all eventually die. This is why you run around yelling that doom is on its way! Relax. Sip a snifter of brandy by your ginormous roaring fireplace 🔥
I fell in love with someone at Jurassic World. We were holding hands, looking at dinosaurs, and eating a candy apple
November 12, 2025 at 4:29 AM
I fell in love with someone at Jurassic World. We were holding hands, looking at dinosaurs, and eating a candy apple
“Hi! What’s your name!?”
“Nothing”
“Nothing”
November 11, 2025 at 7:37 PM
“Hi! What’s your name!?”
“Nothing”
“Nothing”
CAVEMAN: (Interviewing a deer) So tell us, what was it like to see yourself drawn on the wall?
November 11, 2025 at 6:00 PM
CAVEMAN: (Interviewing a deer) So tell us, what was it like to see yourself drawn on the wall?
YOU: You’re not a real guy. You’re a creature whom I brought to life with lightning
LITERALLY ME:
LITERALLY ME:
November 11, 2025 at 12:39 AM
YOU: You’re not a real guy. You’re a creature whom I brought to life with lightning
LITERALLY ME:
LITERALLY ME:
Frankenmons Steinster
November 10, 2025 at 8:32 PM
Frankenmons Steinster
ME: Frankenstein's Monster get down from there!
FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER: Rawr rawr rawr!
ME: Ha ha ha ha come on get down from there. We have to go home now. We're going to get in trouble
FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER: Rawr rawr rawr!
ME: Ha ha ha ha come on get down from there. We have to go home now. We're going to get in trouble
November 10, 2025 at 8:08 PM
ME: Frankenstein's Monster get down from there!
FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER: Rawr rawr rawr!
ME: Ha ha ha ha come on get down from there. We have to go home now. We're going to get in trouble
FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER: Rawr rawr rawr!
ME: Ha ha ha ha come on get down from there. We have to go home now. We're going to get in trouble
I’ve decided to become crazy
November 10, 2025 at 12:26 AM
I’ve decided to become crazy
Re-watched One Battle After Another. Still think it’s a mega stupendous masterpiece
November 9, 2025 at 10:55 PM
Re-watched One Battle After Another. Still think it’s a mega stupendous masterpiece
DR FRANKENSTEIN: It’s alive! It’s alive!
ME: What is?
DR FRANKENSTEIN: This guy I made with lightning
ME: What is?
DR FRANKENSTEIN: This guy I made with lightning
November 9, 2025 at 3:11 PM
DR FRANKENSTEIN: It’s alive! It’s alive!
ME: What is?
DR FRANKENSTEIN: This guy I made with lightning
ME: What is?
DR FRANKENSTEIN: This guy I made with lightning
"melancholy meditations concerned with existential questions of love, ambition, memory, and identity” - a quote about Danish-Norwegian filmmaker Joachim Trier? Or a quote about brand new extremely serious drama actor, writer, filmmaker Chris Locke?
November 8, 2025 at 3:08 PM
"melancholy meditations concerned with existential questions of love, ambition, memory, and identity” - a quote about Danish-Norwegian filmmaker Joachim Trier? Or a quote about brand new extremely serious drama actor, writer, filmmaker Chris Locke?
What if instead of Dracula’s thing being he drinks your blood - what if it’s he puts ham and cheese between your butt cheeks and goes “I VANT sandvich!”
November 8, 2025 at 2:10 AM
What if instead of Dracula’s thing being he drinks your blood - what if it’s he puts ham and cheese between your butt cheeks and goes “I VANT sandvich!”
3 ounces brandy, 1 ounce coffee, 3 rainbow sprinkles donuts… nuthin’ but net
November 7, 2025 at 2:52 PM
3 ounces brandy, 1 ounce coffee, 3 rainbow sprinkles donuts… nuthin’ but net
I’m a cyberpunk now
November 6, 2025 at 1:12 PM
I’m a cyberpunk now
Just put tarrifs on the pee coming out of my penis
November 6, 2025 at 1:31 AM
Just put tarrifs on the pee coming out of my penis
White dads (me) say awesome all the time (me) “Awesome. Thank you for the cheese and bacon Uncle Burger, dude. Mmm this is awesome”
November 5, 2025 at 3:02 AM
White dads (me) say awesome all the time (me) “Awesome. Thank you for the cheese and bacon Uncle Burger, dude. Mmm this is awesome”
There’s so many great advertisements in the world
November 4, 2025 at 2:07 AM
There’s so many great advertisements in the world
DR FRANKENSTEIN: It’s alive!
MONSTER: “It’s”!? Wow 🙄
MONSTER: “It’s”!? Wow 🙄
November 2, 2025 at 6:31 PM
DR FRANKENSTEIN: It’s alive!
MONSTER: “It’s”!? Wow 🙄
MONSTER: “It’s”!? Wow 🙄
I can’t keep getting this drunk every night
November 1, 2025 at 3:40 AM
I can’t keep getting this drunk every night
You guys don’t deserve my content
October 31, 2025 at 5:47 PM
You guys don’t deserve my content
"Hey how's it going?"
"Good? How are you?"
"... do you know who I am?"
"No"
"Oh my God, I'm Pennywise the scary clown. See I should not have stayed in Canada to try and make it as a scary guy here"
"Good? How are you?"
"... do you know who I am?"
"No"
"Oh my God, I'm Pennywise the scary clown. See I should not have stayed in Canada to try and make it as a scary guy here"
October 31, 2025 at 2:10 PM
"Hey how's it going?"
"Good? How are you?"
"... do you know who I am?"
"No"
"Oh my God, I'm Pennywise the scary clown. See I should not have stayed in Canada to try and make it as a scary guy here"
"Good? How are you?"
"... do you know who I am?"
"No"
"Oh my God, I'm Pennywise the scary clown. See I should not have stayed in Canada to try and make it as a scary guy here"