Chelsea Onik (work)
@chelseaonikwork.bsky.social
Chelsea Onik is a satirical satirical entrepreneur, media reformer, and venturer devoted to restoring creative autonomy in the age of automation. Her work unites media ethics, cooperative economics, and absurdism under a single question— what is happening?
Pinned
What am I going to do? Nod until my neck gives way.
If my man want to blow the whistle on B********** then I’m behind it. That angle works for my image. Tell him to buy her whatever drink she and her clown friends want.
November 18, 2025 at 12:12 AM
If my man want to blow the whistle on B********** then I’m behind it. That angle works for my image. Tell him to buy her whatever drink she and her clown friends want.
Use the new branding please
November 17, 2025 at 8:56 PM
Use the new branding please
I expect ten original, actionable ideas from Kat. Kat alone. Can’t be in her existing packet.
November 17, 2025 at 8:27 PM
I expect ten original, actionable ideas from Kat. Kat alone. Can’t be in her existing packet.
Let’s leave Blackwater out of this, they’re friends of Gru.
November 17, 2025 at 8:13 PM
Let’s leave Blackwater out of this, they’re friends of Gru.
Reposted by Chelsea Onik (work)
Are we there? Are we ready to look into if Facebook and Twitter, on behalf of one of their big advertisers, Sephora, covered up posts from millions of Australians and attempted to get a 23 yo social media manager deported.
November 17, 2025 at 2:37 PM
Are we there? Are we ready to look into if Facebook and Twitter, on behalf of one of their big advertisers, Sephora, covered up posts from millions of Australians and attempted to get a 23 yo social media manager deported.
No, no that’s enough of that.
Are we there? Are we ready to look into if Facebook and Twitter, on behalf of one of their big advertisers, Sephora, covered up posts from millions of Australians and attempted to get a 23 yo social media manager deported.
November 17, 2025 at 2:38 PM
No, no that’s enough of that.
May everyone know our love ❤️
November 17, 2025 at 2:06 PM
May everyone know our love ❤️
After thoughtful deliberation — and no shortage of forensic clarity — I am formally accepting the role of Chief Executive Officer of Global Tetrahedron, effective upon the conclusion of our transition agreement. 🧵
November 16, 2025 at 3:09 PM
After thoughtful deliberation — and no shortage of forensic clarity — I am formally accepting the role of Chief Executive Officer of Global Tetrahedron, effective upon the conclusion of our transition agreement. 🧵
Step down.
Stand back.
Scatter to the winds like chaff from the threshing floor.
Let your failure be the fertilizer for someone else’s courage and clearheaded conviction.
Stand back.
Scatter to the winds like chaff from the threshing floor.
Let your failure be the fertilizer for someone else’s courage and clearheaded conviction.
November 15, 2025 at 6:17 PM
Step down.
Stand back.
Scatter to the winds like chaff from the threshing floor.
Let your failure be the fertilizer for someone else’s courage and clearheaded conviction.
Stand back.
Scatter to the winds like chaff from the threshing floor.
Let your failure be the fertilizer for someone else’s courage and clearheaded conviction.
And the people asked:
Who guides this daughter of ambition?
Who shapes her into readiness?
Who sees her clearly?
And the sky answered:
No one.
She is surrounded by a chorus of servants
who fear her rise more than they fear her downfall.
She is the anti-Christ we speak of.
Who guides this daughter of ambition?
Who shapes her into readiness?
Who sees her clearly?
And the sky answered:
No one.
She is surrounded by a chorus of servants
who fear her rise more than they fear her downfall.
She is the anti-Christ we speak of.
November 15, 2025 at 6:11 PM
And the people asked:
Who guides this daughter of ambition?
Who shapes her into readiness?
Who sees her clearly?
And the sky answered:
No one.
She is surrounded by a chorus of servants
who fear her rise more than they fear her downfall.
She is the anti-Christ we speak of.
Who guides this daughter of ambition?
Who shapes her into readiness?
Who sees her clearly?
And the sky answered:
No one.
She is surrounded by a chorus of servants
who fear her rise more than they fear her downfall.
She is the anti-Christ we speak of.
Your ambition is real.
Your capacity is not.
Your capacity is not.
Younger-you remembers the first time you tasted justice and how it electrified your teeth.
Then you let her down with tremendous, trembling hands.
Then you let her down with tremendous, trembling hands.
November 15, 2025 at 5:49 PM
Your ambition is real.
Your capacity is not.
Your capacity is not.
Younger-you remembers the first time you tasted justice and how it electrified your teeth.
Then you let her down with tremendous, trembling hands.
Then you let her down with tremendous, trembling hands.
November 15, 2025 at 5:44 PM
Younger-you remembers the first time you tasted justice and how it electrified your teeth.
Then you let her down with tremendous, trembling hands.
Then you let her down with tremendous, trembling hands.
Looking your younger self in the eye is an audit, not an achievement — not “What have I done?” but “Who did I let steer the ship?”
November 15, 2025 at 5:41 PM
Looking your younger self in the eye is an audit, not an achievement — not “What have I done?” but “Who did I let steer the ship?”
You are now, in the position you both not just found yourself, but organized, prayed for — where the future is no longer something you can sculpt barehanded, but only bargain for.
Your team is a lean.
Your team is a lean.
November 15, 2025 at 4:37 PM
You are now, in the position you both not just found yourself, but organized, prayed for — where the future is no longer something you can sculpt barehanded, but only bargain for.
Your team is a lean.
Your team is a lean.
Happy Thanksgiving to Kat and Ben, who know that independence is a fragile, flickering thing — and still pretend to reach for it with bound hands.
November 15, 2025 at 4:09 PM
Happy Thanksgiving to Kat and Ben, who know that independence is a fragile, flickering thing — and still pretend to reach for it with bound hands.
In satire, power shouldn’t feel comfortable reading your work. Ever. And they have it proofreading it.
November 15, 2025 at 2:48 PM
In satire, power shouldn’t feel comfortable reading your work. Ever. And they have it proofreading it.
Democracy shouldn’t depend on a headline generator to make certain candidates seem charming.
November 15, 2025 at 3:24 AM
Democracy shouldn’t depend on a headline generator to make certain candidates seem charming.
The Onion’s short is being entered for an Oscar.
November 13, 2025 at 6:44 PM
The Onion’s short is being entered for an Oscar.
There is a certain kind of man who refuses emails the way saints refuse wealth—out of principle, out of superstition, out of a bone-deep understanding that some forms of communication are traps. My husband, Bryce Tetraheader, was such a man.
November 13, 2025 at 1:54 PM
There is a certain kind of man who refuses emails the way saints refuse wealth—out of principle, out of superstition, out of a bone-deep understanding that some forms of communication are traps. My husband, Bryce Tetraheader, was such a man.
Choline not chlorine
November 11, 2025 at 11:46 PM
Choline not chlorine
My advice for the editorial team: you have to treat your Body of Work like a Tentpole. It’s the only way to get by in this industry.
November 11, 2025 at 11:42 PM
My advice for the editorial team: you have to treat your Body of Work like a Tentpole. It’s the only way to get by in this industry.
They should let all the schools play all the other schools
November 10, 2025 at 12:43 PM
They should let all the schools play all the other schools
My favorite is Juicy Pear, followed by Red Apple.
November 10, 2025 at 12:36 AM
My favorite is Juicy Pear, followed by Red Apple.
A shirt that says “Mike never said it was easy”
November 10, 2025 at 12:12 AM
A shirt that says “Mike never said it was easy”
Smart contracts are so outdated. Real innovation is happening on Interledger, off the blockchain
November 9, 2025 at 9:37 PM
Smart contracts are so outdated. Real innovation is happening on Interledger, off the blockchain