It’s karaoke night. I step up to the mic. You’re ready for an emotional ballad.

But instead, I bust out with the once daily Jardiance theme song.

There is five commercials in each episode of SVU, and so far that commercial has been in all of them.

Help me I’m going insane.

Anyone know which wine pairs well with societal collapse?

Our best wishes are with every fox out there today trying to escape the hunts.

And a big fuck you to the cowards that are hunting these animals for kicks

If nobody has my back, the one guy I matched with on Tinder, who calls me Mama and replies to absolutely everything I post saying that I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, even though I have yet to reply to him, he’s got my back.

I’m not sure how I ever survived life before a squatty potty.

It’s hard to convince people that I’m not really a Disney adult when I have a huge Cars collection and literally a Peter Pan tattoo.

Me: *slams my phone face down on the ottoman*

@vejove.bsky.social (slightly muffled) : “oh boy I love the couch!”

I work for a local trivia company run by 2 millennial Brothers. I don’t know why I thought my boss wouldn’t answer at midnight when I texted him a question. In fact, he didn’t seem remotely bothered. All small business bosses are literally just guys being dudes it’s so funny.

Public library energy is the best energy. Like here is all the knowledge we could find, it's been meticulously organized and vetted and it will cost you nothing today, welcome to the absolute pinnacle of human civic evolution, feel free to pull up any bean bag chair you like

There’s a woman watching tv on her phone in the break room very loudly and she keeps switching between friends and big bang theory. And you know what, hell yeah.