Bruce Denby
@brucedenby.bsky.social
Scientist. Author. Umlaut conjurer.
Paris, France
Books: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B004L2HZWE
Recent articles: https://arxiv.org/pdf/2504.12447
Paris, France
Books: https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B004L2HZWE
Recent articles: https://arxiv.org/pdf/2504.12447
Breaking - Minneapolis courthouse aggressor squirted vinegar on Rep. Omar, underlining his ignorance. Lobster - "homard" in culinary circles - demands lemon, experts confirm. Suspect remanded to Jacques Pépin for six weeks of community service supervision.
January 29, 2026 at 7:36 PM
Breaking - Minneapolis courthouse aggressor squirted vinegar on Rep. Omar, underlining his ignorance. Lobster - "homard" in culinary circles - demands lemon, experts confirm. Suspect remanded to Jacques Pépin for six weeks of community service supervision.
Breaking - MAGA to be replaced by MAIA, Make America Iran Already.
January 29, 2026 at 7:20 PM
Breaking - MAGA to be replaced by MAIA, Make America Iran Already.
Some discarded Kleenex
You will meet a stranger
Crumpled little stranger
Upon a crowded floor
And somehow you'll know
You'll know even then
You've already seen him
Again and again
You will meet a stranger
Crumpled little stranger
Upon a crowded floor
And somehow you'll know
You'll know even then
You've already seen him
Again and again
January 29, 2026 at 3:44 PM
Some discarded Kleenex
You will meet a stranger
Crumpled little stranger
Upon a crowded floor
And somehow you'll know
You'll know even then
You've already seen him
Again and again
You will meet a stranger
Crumpled little stranger
Upon a crowded floor
And somehow you'll know
You'll know even then
You've already seen him
Again and again
When a pie hits your eye
Like a moon from the sky
That's hemorrhage (hemorrhage!)
When the mozza congeals
Like a moon rock on wheels
You be blind
Like a moon from the sky
That's hemorrhage (hemorrhage!)
When the mozza congeals
Like a moon rock on wheels
You be blind
January 29, 2026 at 8:06 AM
When a pie hits your eye
Like a moon from the sky
That's hemorrhage (hemorrhage!)
When the mozza congeals
Like a moon rock on wheels
You be blind
Like a moon from the sky
That's hemorrhage (hemorrhage!)
When the mozza congeals
Like a moon rock on wheels
You be blind
Wudenbiya Disaster is here, Effendi. Give her a whirl?
January 29, 2026 at 7:48 AM
Wudenbiya Disaster is here, Effendi. Give her a whirl?
The Ironing Board sanctioned the ironing board for ironing bored.
January 28, 2026 at 4:02 PM
The Ironing Board sanctioned the ironing board for ironing bored.
Let me have the gophers al dente. Don't care. Lemme have 'em. Toot sweet!
January 28, 2026 at 3:52 PM
Let me have the gophers al dente. Don't care. Lemme have 'em. Toot sweet!
Breaking - Rubber-Band Band band banned indefinitely from Swiss music venues for "inelastic behavior". Group's hit tune "I'm So Fondue You" proscribed from Helvetian airwaves until furter noticed.
January 28, 2026 at 3:20 PM
Breaking - Rubber-Band Band band banned indefinitely from Swiss music venues for "inelastic behavior". Group's hit tune "I'm So Fondue You" proscribed from Helvetian airwaves until furter noticed.
Off to Switzerland for the Tri-Annual Gudbaden Uggliwurst Festival! My favorite is clownwurst, named for the bulbous red "nose" on one end. The festival isn't actually every three years as you might think, but they "tri" to have it annually and it just works out that way! Cheers!
January 28, 2026 at 12:57 PM
Off to Switzerland for the Tri-Annual Gudbaden Uggliwurst Festival! My favorite is clownwurst, named for the bulbous red "nose" on one end. The festival isn't actually every three years as you might think, but they "tri" to have it annually and it just works out that way! Cheers!
How to tell when penne rigate are cooked? It's when they stand up vertically in the pan like a gaggle of tubeworms!!
January 28, 2026 at 12:17 PM
How to tell when penne rigate are cooked? It's when they stand up vertically in the pan like a gaggle of tubeworms!!
What fixes tempo temporarily rarely fixes temper airily.
January 28, 2026 at 12:02 PM
What fixes tempo temporarily rarely fixes temper airily.
Anyone who's ever been mooned knows what a sickening and unsettling experience it can be. Take heart, at least, though, that you don't live on Saturn, for it has 274 moons!!
January 28, 2026 at 11:26 AM
Anyone who's ever been mooned knows what a sickening and unsettling experience it can be. Take heart, at least, though, that you don't live on Saturn, for it has 274 moons!!
Hey replicant, would you mind getting off the shoulder of Orion, you're blocking my view! Thanks.
January 28, 2026 at 11:09 AM
Hey replicant, would you mind getting off the shoulder of Orion, you're blocking my view! Thanks.
Breaking - Following worldwide condemnation of the barbarity of Singapore's caning of convicted criminals, such sentences will henceforth be carried out using sugar cane as the implement of punishment, state government announces.
January 28, 2026 at 9:52 AM
Breaking - Following worldwide condemnation of the barbarity of Singapore's caning of convicted criminals, such sentences will henceforth be carried out using sugar cane as the implement of punishment, state government announces.
Eleven years ago today:
"I've got the mind of a six year old!" cackled Mudwelt, "right here on this little USB stick!"
"I've got the mind of a six year old!" cackled Mudwelt, "right here on this little USB stick!"
January 28, 2026 at 9:37 AM
Eleven years ago today:
"I've got the mind of a six year old!" cackled Mudwelt, "right here on this little USB stick!"
"I've got the mind of a six year old!" cackled Mudwelt, "right here on this little USB stick!"
Anyone who's ever been mooned knows what a sickening and unsettling experience it can be. Take heart, at least, though, that you don't live on Saturn, for it has 274 moons!!
January 28, 2026 at 9:33 AM
Anyone who's ever been mooned knows what a sickening and unsettling experience it can be. Take heart, at least, though, that you don't live on Saturn, for it has 274 moons!!
Most mornings, Chervil shook crumbs from a little red tablecloth out the window of his flat. A mllions miles away, Curvacean Scouts on Titan took the fervent agitations of a single scarlet pixel as a sign of aggression, and had for decades been preparing for full out nuclear war.
January 28, 2026 at 9:27 AM
Most mornings, Chervil shook crumbs from a little red tablecloth out the window of his flat. A mllions miles away, Curvacean Scouts on Titan took the fervent agitations of a single scarlet pixel as a sign of aggression, and had for decades been preparing for full out nuclear war.
Good news, if they're dragging out Melania to calm things down, they must really know they fucked up!!
January 27, 2026 at 6:43 PM
Good news, if they're dragging out Melania to calm things down, they must really know they fucked up!!
A MAGA chant for Scott Bessent, Kristi Noem, Karoline Leavitt, and little donnie:
Just gonna stand there and hear us cry?
Well, that's alright because we love the way you lie
We love the way you lie
Just gonna stand there and hear us cry?
Well, that's alright because we love the way you lie
We love the way you lie
January 27, 2026 at 5:27 PM
A MAGA chant for Scott Bessent, Kristi Noem, Karoline Leavitt, and little donnie:
Just gonna stand there and hear us cry?
Well, that's alright because we love the way you lie
We love the way you lie
Just gonna stand there and hear us cry?
Well, that's alright because we love the way you lie
We love the way you lie
People stop and stare
That's lobotomy
Yes I've had my c'rebral cortex
Ripped right outta me
So as time goes by
I'll be glad if I
Can remember the street where I live!!!!
That's lobotomy
Yes I've had my c'rebral cortex
Ripped right outta me
So as time goes by
I'll be glad if I
Can remember the street where I live!!!!
January 26, 2026 at 6:12 PM
People stop and stare
That's lobotomy
Yes I've had my c'rebral cortex
Ripped right outta me
So as time goes by
I'll be glad if I
Can remember the street where I live!!!!
That's lobotomy
Yes I've had my c'rebral cortex
Ripped right outta me
So as time goes by
I'll be glad if I
Can remember the street where I live!!!!
Yes, this is the getaway car. So get away from the car.
January 26, 2026 at 4:10 PM
Yes, this is the getaway car. So get away from the car.
"I'm afraid they stuck to their guns," explained the Color Sergeant. "They'd been eating barbecue with their hands, you see, and were unable to break free. Sadly, none survived."
January 26, 2026 at 3:19 PM
"I'm afraid they stuck to their guns," explained the Color Sergeant. "They'd been eating barbecue with their hands, you see, and were unable to break free. Sadly, none survived."
When I developed a cataract in my left eye, I had to keep telling my right eye, c'mon take it easy, you're seeing for two now.
January 26, 2026 at 12:47 PM
When I developed a cataract in my left eye, I had to keep telling my right eye, c'mon take it easy, you're seeing for two now.
The flight of birds has always seemed remarkable to mankind, their gravity defying trajectories appearing at times next to impossible. It is only when we remember that birds are actually extant dinosaurs that their exploits once again become understandable and reasonable to us.
January 26, 2026 at 12:12 PM
The flight of birds has always seemed remarkable to mankind, their gravity defying trajectories appearing at times next to impossible. It is only when we remember that birds are actually extant dinosaurs that their exploits once again become understandable and reasonable to us.