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Barry D. Bones

@barrydbones.bsky.social

240 followers 470 following 710 posts

Former undead servant for a necromancer, now just wants to run a shop in peace... Join me for fun games, dumb jokes, and a lot of numbskulled content! Banner by @SheGhoullVT.bsky.social Links: https://barry-d-bones.carrd.co

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Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 2d

Back to the adventures!
📅 MON: Tainted Grail @ 8pm EST
📅 TUE: Persona 3 @ 8pm EST
📅 WED: Hollow Knight @ 8pm EST
📅 THU: Zelda: BOTW @ 8pm EST
📅 FRI: Assassins Creed 3 @ 8pm EST
📅 SUN: Guild Movie Night! @ 8pm EST

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Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 2d

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Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 7d

Every year, on Samhain Eve, the Hallowed Eve, we skeletons begin our war against the Winter Witch...

Some years, we are able to hold off her forces for most of Harvest Season...

Some years, she musters traitors and tempts the innocent...

But I say: SPOOKY SEASON FOREVER!!!

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Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 8d

I feel like gnomes have become the new goblins... Little mischievous shits that muck about and cause mayhem... Meanwhile, goblins have been relegated to a minor nuisance at worst,

So uh... Any adventures wanna go de-gnome my garden? Three silver per beard!

Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 8d

Sometimes, magic is offering a sacrifice in a ritual circle, chanting the words of the ancients under the carefully calculated timing of night and stars...

Most times, though, magic is in the mundane, everyday occurrences that we do to make ourselves happy...

Like coffee!

Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 12d

Ah, the joys of having goblins scrabble around your bed and screaming at you until you arise to tend to your castle...

I love my cats.

Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 13d

Continuing my rant about magic rocks:

Monster Cores!

Another Fantasy trope, but how exactly do they work?

Where are they located? Near the organ that the monster uses like the throat for dragon flame? Or the heart, where blood is constantly flowing?

And what are they made of?

Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 13d

Hags this, milfs that...

Where's my potion makers at?

The ladies who see someone having a bad time and think: "This lich needs some tea or some soup" then go be an absolute AuDHD fueled gremlin...

It's me. I have tea for you. You're doing a good job, and I am proud of you.

Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 14d

I just had a thought...

What if we all band together and make November into a motivational thing:

No Excuse November

The goal is that you do the things you've been putting off for later. Start drawing, learn that new language, start a project, etc.

#NoExcuseNovember

Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 14d

We really do seem to limit ourselves by what other people think... I catch myself doing it a lot, and it's hard to correct.

You wanna make people happy, so you do things for THEM... But we neglect ourselves in the process.

Make yourself happy first. You deserve it.

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Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 15d

Spooktober is nearing its end...
📅 MON: Resident Evil @ 8pm EST
📅 TUE: Devil May Cry @ 8pm EST
📅 WED: Hollow Knight @ 8pm EST
📅 THU: DOOM Eternal @ 8pm EST
📅 FRI: Little Nightmares 2 @ 8pm EST
📅 SUN: Guild Movie Night! @ 8pm EST

Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 15d

Monday morning rain...

The last week of October,

Finally feels like Fall.

Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 19d

Why do maidens still proffer their boudoir portraits to me?

My dear, yes, you look fabulous, but I have no desire for your flesh!

I'm far too busy having FUN with being a crotchety old wizard to bother with carnal desire...

Plus, I lack organs, so... No skin flute for you!

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Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 19d

The cold seeps into my bones, and I seek the most potent of remedies...

A potion, basic perhaps, but effective at waking the mind and warming the soul...

Slapping five coppier pieces upon the bar table, I shalt decree:

"One Pumpkin Spice Latte, for me!"

Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 20d

Someone once said:

"Try to fill every mundane moment of your life with magick. Drinking coffee? You’re partaking of a potion. Showering? A ritual cleanse. Going to work? Trading your life force to the dark lord in exchange for the scroll of Earthly desires."

And I live by that.

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Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 20d

"Oh, I asked Grok-
I asked ChatGPT-"

Lich, please.

I asked the whisper of the plants, listened to the brook as it babbled, and entertained the grumbling of the thunder!

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Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 21d

*scribbling note* Notify... Doc... to... replace... all... organs...

Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 21d

Fine, you dweebs want my strongest potion?

It's 16oz everclear, with two packs of Liquid IV and a pack of Emergen-C, mixed with eight 5-hour energy shots.

Tastes like pain and will fucking damn near kill you, but FUCK is it fun while your heart's beating...

Don't drink this.

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Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 21d

Remember:

Lemons are a human-made fruit. So life did not give you lemons.

Your bitch-ass neighbor did, so you're well within your rights to crossbreed the lemon tree with a Box Tree and make lemon frag grenades.

Until we meet again!

a cartoon character is walking through a tunnel with a sword .

ALT: a cartoon character is walking through a tunnel with a sword .

media.tenor.com

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Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 22d

That's it, I'm stealing YOUR toe knuckles now (Feed 'em to Box as a TREAT) /J

Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 22d

Did anyone else's divination setup just completely fizzle out today, ooooor are the gremlins trying to steal my toe knuckles again?

fry from futurama is shown with a very serious look on his face

ALT: fry from futurama is shown with a very serious look on his face

media.tenor.com

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Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 22d

Let me know how this goes... For science...

Bill Hader Eating Popcorn GIF

ALT: Bill Hader Eating Popcorn GIF

media.tenor.com

Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 22d

Better than no review at all. 😎

Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 22d

The DOC, I'll give it to... You, I'm giving a mug of hit chocolate, you don't need that pain.

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Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 22d

"GIVE ME YOUR STRONGEST POTION, MERCHANT"

My dear adventurer, I say this with the utmost respect...

You can't handle my strongest potion.

You're level 3, barely making 5 copper by killing rogue goblins, and look like you'd fall over if I flicked you in the 'nads!

Go level up!

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Barry D. Bones @barrydbones.bsky.social · 23d

Will you hold my hand in the Haunted Houses? I get scared easily...
📅 MON: Resident Evil @ 8pm EST
📅 TUE: Devil May Cry @ 8pm EST
📅 WED: Hollow Knight @ 8pm EST
📅 THU: DOOM Eternal @ 8pm EST
📅 FRI: Little Nightmares 2 @ 8pm EST