Benjamin Johns
@baj.bsky.social
Just PR'd on my journey to become World's Oldest Man and deserve congratulations. Formerly @theoreticalb (and still theoreticalb@mastodon.social)
I don't know man if we don't learn the government has proof of alien life this week I think they just really don't have it.
November 13, 2025 at 8:04 AM
I don't know man if we don't learn the government has proof of alien life this week I think they just really don't have it.
If you turn to 18 on this day in 2012, happy birthday, you are now 31 years old, and you have never voted in a presidential election where Donald Trump wasn't the Republican nominee.
November 12, 2025 at 8:29 PM
If you turn to 18 on this day in 2012, happy birthday, you are now 31 years old, and you have never voted in a presidential election where Donald Trump wasn't the Republican nominee.
THE RETURN OF MR GAY!
Woke won everybody. Pat yourselves on the back.
Woke won everybody. Pat yourselves on the back.
November 12, 2025 at 5:18 PM
THE RETURN OF MR GAY!
Woke won everybody. Pat yourselves on the back.
Woke won everybody. Pat yourselves on the back.
Trump: I intend to eliminate free elections.
Republicans: We support the President's ending of free elections.
Democrats: Trump and the GOP intend to end free elections.
The media: It's impossible to guess at what the President intends and it would be rude to imply his words have meaning.
Republicans: We support the President's ending of free elections.
Democrats: Trump and the GOP intend to end free elections.
The media: It's impossible to guess at what the President intends and it would be rude to imply his words have meaning.
Trump on ending the filibuster: "If we do it, we will never lose the midterms and we will never lose a general election ... it would be impossible to lose an election."
November 7, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Trump: I intend to eliminate free elections.
Republicans: We support the President's ending of free elections.
Democrats: Trump and the GOP intend to end free elections.
The media: It's impossible to guess at what the President intends and it would be rude to imply his words have meaning.
Republicans: We support the President's ending of free elections.
Democrats: Trump and the GOP intend to end free elections.
The media: It's impossible to guess at what the President intends and it would be rude to imply his words have meaning.
Don't worry Speaker Johnson he may seem unpopular at the moment but you're going to clean it all up and rehabilitate his whole image any day now when you're finally releasing the Epstein Files.
November 5, 2025 at 7:27 AM
Don't worry Speaker Johnson he may seem unpopular at the moment but you're going to clean it all up and rehabilitate his whole image any day now when you're finally releasing the Epstein Files.
It's all fun and games now but you'll be sorry in a year when Republicans convince sixty percent of the electorate that the devastating recession is because we let a woman run Virginia.
November 5, 2025 at 6:34 AM
It's all fun and games now but you'll be sorry in a year when Republicans convince sixty percent of the electorate that the devastating recession is because we let a woman run Virginia.
This election is really going to help the Republican party recruit the kinds of candidates they need in 2028: dead-ender weirdos with raging humiliation fetishes.
November 5, 2025 at 4:12 AM
This election is really going to help the Republican party recruit the kinds of candidates they need in 2028: dead-ender weirdos with raging humiliation fetishes.
There is a chance-- just a chance, mind-- that today's election results will remind a legislatively significant number of elected Republicans that there will be an America after Trump is dead and they will have to live there with the rest of us.
November 4, 2025 at 7:09 PM
There is a chance-- just a chance, mind-- that today's election results will remind a legislatively significant number of elected Republicans that there will be an America after Trump is dead and they will have to live there with the rest of us.
Donald Trump killing Dick Cheney is a DISTRACTION. Get to the polls, people.
November 4, 2025 at 6:03 PM
Donald Trump killing Dick Cheney is a DISTRACTION. Get to the polls, people.
Being an elder Millennial means coming to terms with the fact that, actuarially speaking, I've likely seen my last new GTA game set in San Andreas.
November 3, 2025 at 11:51 PM
Being an elder Millennial means coming to terms with the fact that, actuarially speaking, I've likely seen my last new GTA game set in San Andreas.
The same national press that made every stutter out of Biden's mouth a weeklong story about his fitness for office is apparently deciding that the President getting an MRI and taking his second cognitive test of the year is just totally super normal and not anything that deserves follow up.
October 28, 2025 at 5:31 AM
The same national press that made every stutter out of Biden's mouth a weeklong story about his fitness for office is apparently deciding that the President getting an MRI and taking his second cognitive test of the year is just totally super normal and not anything that deserves follow up.
"Most of the French are starving, so the last thing on their minds is getting to eat cake! Marie Antoinette's statement is therefore of no political salience or utility whatsoever."
GOV. WHITMER: “.. no one is worried about building a ballroom in Washington, D.C. What they want is to make sure that they can feed their kids next week.” Most Americans are “never going to step foot in a ballroom over the course of their lifetime.”
@thehill.com
thehill.com/homenews/adm...
@thehill.com
thehill.com/homenews/adm...
October 25, 2025 at 10:52 AM
"Most of the French are starving, so the last thing on their minds is getting to eat cake! Marie Antoinette's statement is therefore of no political salience or utility whatsoever."
Someday, and it could be any day, it could be later today, you're going to open up this little app and it will be a solid wall of all caps posts and celebration memes and blocks of emojis and you will know, before you even see it, that
It Happened.
It Happened.
October 25, 2025 at 3:51 AM
Someday, and it could be any day, it could be later today, you're going to open up this little app and it will be a solid wall of all caps posts and celebration memes and blocks of emojis and you will know, before you even see it, that
It Happened.
It Happened.
Imaginary Dem President: "Ow! I stubbed my toe on White House rubble. DOJ: you owe me $100 billion dollars in emotional distress."
DOJ: "This is fine now. Trump has set that precedent."
IDP: "I am donating $100B to eliminate student debt."
Treasury: "This is fine now. Trump has set that precedent."
DOJ: "This is fine now. Trump has set that precedent."
IDP: "I am donating $100B to eliminate student debt."
Treasury: "This is fine now. Trump has set that precedent."
October 24, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Imaginary Dem President: "Ow! I stubbed my toe on White House rubble. DOJ: you owe me $100 billion dollars in emotional distress."
DOJ: "This is fine now. Trump has set that precedent."
IDP: "I am donating $100B to eliminate student debt."
Treasury: "This is fine now. Trump has set that precedent."
DOJ: "This is fine now. Trump has set that precedent."
IDP: "I am donating $100B to eliminate student debt."
Treasury: "This is fine now. Trump has set that precedent."
The wild thing about the Epstein Files is that they either contain all the details currently known about Donald Trump's longstanding relationship with Epstein-- in which case it's absolutely damning-- or they fail to contain all the details currently known, in which case it's been tampered with.
October 24, 2025 at 5:08 AM
The wild thing about the Epstein Files is that they either contain all the details currently known about Donald Trump's longstanding relationship with Epstein-- in which case it's absolutely damning-- or they fail to contain all the details currently known, in which case it's been tampered with.
President of the United States Demands That You Give Him a Dollar. Yes You, Give The President a Dollar. He Is Your President and That Makes Him Your Boss So Give President Boss a Dollar.
Breaking News: President Trump wants $230 million from the Justice Department for investigating him, people familiar with the matter say. Any settlement might ultimately be approved by senior department officials who defended him or those in his orbit. nyti.ms/4hmIi5X
October 22, 2025 at 4:08 AM
President of the United States Demands That You Give Him a Dollar. Yes You, Give The President a Dollar. He Is Your President and That Makes Him Your Boss So Give President Boss a Dollar.
Reposted by Benjamin Johns
A US president, furious about protests essentially clarifying everyone thinks he sucks and responding to it with AI videos of him in a crown flying a fighter jet dumping shit onto American citizens & Nancy Pelosi kneeling to him as a king? Fuck dog, not even satirical Cyberpunk scifi predicted this
October 19, 2025 at 2:48 AM
A US president, furious about protests essentially clarifying everyone thinks he sucks and responding to it with AI videos of him in a crown flying a fighter jet dumping shit onto American citizens & Nancy Pelosi kneeling to him as a king? Fuck dog, not even satirical Cyberpunk scifi predicted this
How the New York Times covered the Tea Party in 2009: "Some of these crowds are 500, 1000, 2000 people!"
How the New York Times covers No Kings in 2025: "What even are numbers really?"
How the New York Times covers No Kings in 2025: "What even are numbers really?"
October 18, 2025 at 9:01 PM
How the New York Times covered the Tea Party in 2009: "Some of these crowds are 500, 1000, 2000 people!"
How the New York Times covers No Kings in 2025: "What even are numbers really?"
How the New York Times covers No Kings in 2025: "What even are numbers really?"
I actually hate protesting. But here I am.
October 18, 2025 at 7:32 PM
I actually hate protesting. But here I am.
This is literally a Democratic candidate for Congress that the regime is lawlessly beating with batons in the street.
Cops led us into the street as the new “protest zone” and then beat us repeatedly.
Got hit in the face with a baton. Leaving to pick up my friends who were arrested.
Stay safe out there.
Got hit in the face with a baton. Leaving to pick up my friends who were arrested.
Stay safe out there.
October 17, 2025 at 3:49 PM
This is literally a Democratic candidate for Congress that the regime is lawlessly beating with batons in the street.
I have a firm conviction that OpenAI shouldn't be able to make a website full of "new content" built on other people's characters, a firm conviction that deviantart and AO3 SHOULD be able to do that, and a creeping suspicion that those two convictions can't sincerely coexist much longer.
October 15, 2025 at 3:52 PM
I have a firm conviction that OpenAI shouldn't be able to make a website full of "new content" built on other people's characters, a firm conviction that deviantart and AO3 SHOULD be able to do that, and a creeping suspicion that those two convictions can't sincerely coexist much longer.
Biden: "With great focus and dedication I believe these next four years we can begin the process of rescheduling Marijuana which is freely sold in like twenty states."
Trump: "Weird Science over here says Tylenol makes you screwy hand em over. No more COVID boosters either, too much liquid."
Trump: "Weird Science over here says Tylenol makes you screwy hand em over. No more COVID boosters either, too much liquid."
October 12, 2025 at 6:42 AM
Biden: "With great focus and dedication I believe these next four years we can begin the process of rescheduling Marijuana which is freely sold in like twenty states."
Trump: "Weird Science over here says Tylenol makes you screwy hand em over. No more COVID boosters either, too much liquid."
Trump: "Weird Science over here says Tylenol makes you screwy hand em over. No more COVID boosters either, too much liquid."
I want a whole series like this. What does Halle Berry think about the works of Wagner? Does Kevin Kline think there's an ethical distinction between reading Ender's Game and the more sophisticated Ender's Shadow given the latter was certainly written by a more openly homophobic Orson Scott Card?
Julia Roberts explains we should listen to the Smiths even if Morrissey's problematic
Julia Roberts Explains We Should Listen To The Smiths Even If Morrissey’s Problematic
Morrissey and the Smiths come up in After The Hunt, director Luca Guadagnino’s new movie starring Julia Roberts, Ayo Edebiri, Andrew Garfield, Michael Stuhlbarg, and Chloë Sevigny. As Time’s review ex...
www.stereogum.com
October 8, 2025 at 4:02 AM
I want a whole series like this. What does Halle Berry think about the works of Wagner? Does Kevin Kline think there's an ethical distinction between reading Ender's Game and the more sophisticated Ender's Shadow given the latter was certainly written by a more openly homophobic Orson Scott Card?
Me: "I wish there was a social media app that was just short fictional videos and if you send the app company a short script they'll produce the video for you and the cost for all that is paid exclusively by billionaires."
Genie Two Years Ago: "Okay I know a good curse for this one."
Genie Two Years Ago: "Okay I know a good curse for this one."
October 7, 2025 at 6:19 AM
Me: "I wish there was a social media app that was just short fictional videos and if you send the app company a short script they'll produce the video for you and the cost for all that is paid exclusively by billionaires."
Genie Two Years Ago: "Okay I know a good curse for this one."
Genie Two Years Ago: "Okay I know a good curse for this one."