Austin Coolguy 🔪⭐️
@austincoolguy.bsky.social
Your favorite shitposter’s favorite shitposter // 31 // he/him
Confucius says, “the most based man has experienced 1000 cringe moments”
December 7, 2025 at 5:47 PM
Confucius says, “the most based man has experienced 1000 cringe moments”
“In my right hand: The Whip. Simple. Quick. Powerful. A bastion of strength. In my left hand: The Nae Nae. Smooth. Serene. Freeing. A showcase of elegance. Which will you choose, Neo?”
December 4, 2025 at 4:00 AM
“In my right hand: The Whip. Simple. Quick. Powerful. A bastion of strength. In my left hand: The Nae Nae. Smooth. Serene. Freeing. A showcase of elegance. Which will you choose, Neo?”
No person is “based” on stolen land
December 1, 2025 at 10:20 PM
No person is “based” on stolen land
It would be WILD if the Trump regime fell not because he raped multiple women/girls, because he’s embezzled billions of dollars, greatly weakened America’s global standing, or permanently fucked the economy, but instead because there’s an embarrassing picture of him sucking a dude’s dick.
November 14, 2025 at 10:07 PM
It would be WILD if the Trump regime fell not because he raped multiple women/girls, because he’s embezzled billions of dollars, greatly weakened America’s global standing, or permanently fucked the economy, but instead because there’s an embarrassing picture of him sucking a dude’s dick.
All I’m saying is it’s insane to be a flight risk while on Air Force One.
November 14, 2025 at 6:08 PM
All I’m saying is it’s insane to be a flight risk while on Air Force One.
The gay bar? Like, to be a gay lawyer?
November 11, 2025 at 8:32 PM
The gay bar? Like, to be a gay lawyer?
You mean THAT’S what sweet dreams are made of? Pfft. Pathetic.
November 7, 2025 at 11:57 PM
You mean THAT’S what sweet dreams are made of? Pfft. Pathetic.
Went to the Penis store yesterday. Wouldn’t you believe it? Only had balls.
November 7, 2025 at 10:18 PM
Went to the Penis store yesterday. Wouldn’t you believe it? Only had balls.
No Prostate November
November 7, 2025 at 3:35 AM
No Prostate November
Four fucking days! It took my brain four fucking days to ruin my mental health post-daylight saving time!
November 6, 2025 at 3:44 AM
Four fucking days! It took my brain four fucking days to ruin my mental health post-daylight saving time!
Mentally applying the e-brake in third gear after being triggered because I need to apply what I’ve learned in therapy hrnghhhh
November 6, 2025 at 1:33 AM
Mentally applying the e-brake in third gear after being triggered because I need to apply what I’ve learned in therapy hrnghhhh
It’s like they say: if you can’t beat your meat, get out of the kitchen
November 4, 2025 at 8:43 PM
It’s like they say: if you can’t beat your meat, get out of the kitchen
I hope this email tracks you down to the ends of the earth
November 3, 2025 at 5:15 PM
I hope this email tracks you down to the ends of the earth
Pride: okay I mean like, that’s not that bad I guess.
Prejudice: what the fuck. what the hell is this shit
Prejudice: what the fuck. what the hell is this shit
October 30, 2025 at 5:35 PM
Pride: okay I mean like, that’s not that bad I guess.
Prejudice: what the fuck. what the hell is this shit
Prejudice: what the fuck. what the hell is this shit
Went to the JoJo’s museum exhibit in SF this weekend. If I don’t look at my bank account, the numbers can’t hurt me.
October 26, 2025 at 11:19 PM
Went to the JoJo’s museum exhibit in SF this weekend. If I don’t look at my bank account, the numbers can’t hurt me.
You can tell Quentin Tarantino he has a foot fetish just by looking at him. That is not the face of a man who has a healthy relationship with women’s bodies.
October 23, 2025 at 2:49 PM
You can tell Quentin Tarantino he has a foot fetish just by looking at him. That is not the face of a man who has a healthy relationship with women’s bodies.
I thank god that when my friends wanted me to start playing League of Legends with them, that my computer was too shitty to download and run the game. It’s like the equivalent of your car breaking down in the way to the airport on 9/11.
October 5, 2025 at 9:39 PM
I thank god that when my friends wanted me to start playing League of Legends with them, that my computer was too shitty to download and run the game. It’s like the equivalent of your car breaking down in the way to the airport on 9/11.
Kids these days have it so easy now. Back in my day, we didn’t know anything about getting slizzard. Hell, we didn’t even know what a G6 was!
October 4, 2025 at 2:39 PM
Kids these days have it so easy now. Back in my day, we didn’t know anything about getting slizzard. Hell, we didn’t even know what a G6 was!
Sorry, babe, I can’t make it tonight. Yeah. They got me in the contraption again.
September 24, 2025 at 7:09 PM
Sorry, babe, I can’t make it tonight. Yeah. They got me in the contraption again.
Here’s my TikTok about the Charlie Kirk situation that (unsurprisingly) was taken down.
September 24, 2025 at 7:07 PM
Here’s my TikTok about the Charlie Kirk situation that (unsurprisingly) was taken down.
Michael Buttballs
September 20, 2025 at 5:39 AM
Michael Buttballs
Bluesky is great and all, but I do wish I didn't feel like I was the only person on this app posting shit like "Michael Buttballs."
September 20, 2025 at 5:39 AM
Bluesky is great and all, but I do wish I didn't feel like I was the only person on this app posting shit like "Michael Buttballs."
I mean, the saying isn’t “Live by the sword, and everything will be chill.”
September 15, 2025 at 10:32 PM
I mean, the saying isn’t “Live by the sword, and everything will be chill.”
I’m very curious as to what part of the sex was “on fire.” Was it the balls? It might have been the balls.
September 15, 2025 at 6:27 PM
I’m very curious as to what part of the sex was “on fire.” Was it the balls? It might have been the balls.