Kim Davis is like a homophobic cicada.

I have no interest in sports, but I am developing an obsession with bizarre farm team names. Going to need a few t-shirts.

@schumer.senate.gov needs to grow a spine or retire. I’m donating money to whomever primaries him.

In honor of my birthday, I didn’t tell my 8yo that there was bacon for breakfast. I ate it after he was at school.

Being an adult is like “Ratatouille” except you’re both the hapless human AND the rat who’s trying to get him to stop being terrible at everything and also the food is worse

Dear the Media,

When something bad happens in an area under the executive branch's purview, and the White House goes "uh... a Black or gay person must've done it," you do not need to accept that. You're allowed to follow up in pursuit of the factual reason, not the bigoted excuse.

Love,
The public

I had the good fortunate of watching 80+ movies before my guild’s nominations came out. The performances I love are seldom the ones nominated, but rather than question those that were recognized for the SAG Awards or the Oscars, I’d like to share some of my favorites.

“I’d give you a kidney but not my time” is my philosophy for the aftermath of ended family relationships.

My policy for the week:

Social media accounts are temporary. Stone tablets are forever.