Andy Rimmer
LightNews LightNews
andy200.bsky.social
Andy Rimmer
@andy200.bsky.social
1.1K followers 760 following 540 posts
Breeder of Unicorns (when in season),
Curator of misattributed ephemera.
Writer of gags (this isn't one!).
It's gonna be too late to grow up.
Posts Replies Media Videos
Pinned
andy200.bsky.social
Andy Rimmer @andy200.bsky.social · Oct 30
I'm not saying my mate is out of
condition, but he won Benidorm's
wet tee shirt competition last year,
and he didn't even enter!
#LunchPun #joke #funny #jokes #humour
andy200.bsky.social
The pub footy team played the RNLI.
A bad tackle, tempers flared, which
was great as the helicopter was immediately
overhead.
#LunchPun #joke #funny #jokes #humour
January 5, 2026 at 9:08 AM
andy200.bsky.social
The mezzanine floor collapsed at the
vintage toy shop and the owner went
to hospital. I was left holding the fort!
#LunchPun #joke #funny #jokes #humour
January 4, 2026 at 9:09 AM
andy200.bsky.social
My mate's girlfriend said he droned
on over Christmas, but lit up the celebrations
over the New Year's Eve.
#LunchPun #joke #humour #jokes #funny
January 2, 2026 at 9:34 AM
andy200.bsky.social
Me : 'Where's my deserved New Year's Honour?'
Missus : 'Amazon probably delivered it to
someone else!
#LunchPun #joke #funny #jokes #humour
December 31, 2025 at 9:27 AM
andy200.bsky.social
How many hitchhikers does it take
to change a lightbulb?
More than 10, apparently, when the police
raided the weird guy's basement over the road!
#LunchPun #joke #funny #jokes #humour
December 30, 2025 at 9:17 AM
andy200.bsky.social
Budget : rude cowboy's curt bar room order
#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary
December 29, 2025 at 12:17 PM
andy200.bsky.social
The inventor of the mortar lived down
the road, he used to drop in, but luckily
we were always out!
#LunchPun #joke #funny #jokes #humour
December 29, 2025 at 9:45 AM
andy200.bsky.social
Bonnie Blue is diversifying into airlines!
They'll sure boast the widest legroom in the industry!
#lunchpun #joke #funny #jokes #humour
December 28, 2025 at 9:44 AM
andy200.bsky.social
The missus said she had knots in her
shoulders after all the festivities.
'A massage would be nice!'
''I've got one better, there's some
old knotting fluid in the shed!'
#LunchPun #joke #funny #jokes #christmas
December 27, 2025 at 9:02 AM
andy200.bsky.social
Clausophobia is a real problem at the moment.
Dark long cold nights with the fear of strangers entering your house down the chimney.
#LunchPun #Christmas #joke #funny #jokes
December 26, 2025 at 9:18 AM
andy200.bsky.social
I'm torn between opening Christmas
presents carefully preserving the paper,
or just widely ripping them open!
#LunchPun #joke #funny #jokes #Christmas
December 24, 2025 at 8:54 AM
andy200.bsky.social
'Grandad used to spend ages opening
his Christmas presents!'
'Arthritis... dementia?'
'Nope, ex-bomb squad!'
#LunchPun #joke #Christmas #jokes #funny #humour
December 23, 2025 at 9:08 AM
andy200.bsky.social
Teacher : Northern welcome to home visit
by famous US chanteuse.
#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary
December 22, 2025 at 12:27 PM
andy200.bsky.social
The missus got held up in Tesco!
'The many shoppers at the Christmas tills?'
'Nargh... too many Baileys free samples in
the aisles!'
#lunchpun #Christmas #joke #funny #jokes
December 22, 2025 at 8:55 AM
andy200.bsky.social
Refuse : to restore electrical circuitry
#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary
December 21, 2025 at 11:07 AM
andy200.bsky.social
Going out on a limb helping build
a statue of Vishnu outside the
multi-faith centre.
#LunchPun #joke #funny #jokes #humour
December 21, 2025 at 9:07 AM
andy200.bsky.social
'Went hurling with Liz Hurley,
cruising with Tom Cruise and
cage fighting with Nicholas Cage!'
'Lucky you didn't meet Hilary Swank!'

#LunchPun #joke #jokes #funny #humour
December 20, 2025 at 9:22 AM
andy200.bsky.social
It's Paramount we sort out the telly
and digibox before Christmas, otherwise
we'll be just looking at the Sky!
#LunchPun #Joke #funny #jokes #humour
December 19, 2025 at 9:00 AM
andy200.bsky.social
My mate's Christmas party T-shirt enterprise
'Kiss me under the cameltoe'
has gone down well!
#LunchPun #joke #funny #jokes #humour
December 18, 2025 at 9:37 AM
andy200.bsky.social
A Windows Word on Bob Marley:
"I shot the Sans-Serif...
But I didn't shoot no justified deputy."
#LunchPun #joke #funny #jokes #humour
December 17, 2025 at 9:20 AM
andy200.bsky.social
Got to sort out new trainers as
Christmas presents for the Seven Dwarfs.
No mean feet!
#LunchPun #Christmas #joke #funny #jokes
December 16, 2025 at 9:22 AM
andy200.bsky.social
You know what bugs me?
Cheap rip-off counterfeits on
the market. Deet is the worse!
#LunchPun #joke #funny #jokes #humour
December 15, 2025 at 8:55 AM
andy200.bsky.social
'Do we get overtime over Xmas?'
'Nargh... but there's time-off-in-lieu and
a kind of in-kind!'
'Well the loo stinks and you're the unkind
type of boss who doesn't!'
#LunchPun #joke #funny #jokes #humour
December 14, 2025 at 9:18 AM
andy200.bsky.social
Christmas charity ideas #3,457:
Crawl down the railway track to
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch!
That's easier said than done!
#LunchPun #joke #humour #jokes #funny
December 12, 2025 at 12:18 PM
andy200.bsky.social
Fancy being a movie star?
Try a Faustian Pact, works better
than a face pack!
#LunchPun #joke #funny #jokes #humour
December 11, 2025 at 9:14 AM