A.J. Packman
@ajpackman.bsky.social
A prophet, after preaching every day for thirty years, lay down and died. Three days later, he rose from the dead and in celebration, he and his followers ate and drank and played games long into the night, but the prophet kept losing, and he got so frustrated that he lay down and died again.
November 10, 2025 at 7:01 PM
A prophet, after preaching every day for thirty years, lay down and died. Three days later, he rose from the dead and in celebration, he and his followers ate and drank and played games long into the night, but the prophet kept losing, and he got so frustrated that he lay down and died again.
An Elliott Smith hits Elliotts with a hammer until they somehow get better.
November 6, 2025 at 7:00 PM
An Elliott Smith hits Elliotts with a hammer until they somehow get better.
The wings of some butterflies serve as a defence mechanism by mimicking threats, like the eyes of a predator, or the look on a predator's face when it's about to tell a long, boring story about predation that isn't even that interesting to other predators.
November 5, 2025 at 6:59 PM
The wings of some butterflies serve as a defence mechanism by mimicking threats, like the eyes of a predator, or the look on a predator's face when it's about to tell a long, boring story about predation that isn't even that interesting to other predators.
People love MDMA because it gives them the euphoric feeling of being a doctor with a Master of Arts degree.
November 4, 2025 at 6:58 PM
People love MDMA because it gives them the euphoric feeling of being a doctor with a Master of Arts degree.
Good drama is all about moderation: reasonable characters with attainable goals and moderate hubris.
November 3, 2025 at 7:02 PM
Good drama is all about moderation: reasonable characters with attainable goals and moderate hubris.
Switching over my Halloween lawn decorations to Christmas lawn decorations (e.g. determining which skeletons look the smartest and dressing the top three like wise men)
November 1, 2025 at 6:03 PM
Switching over my Halloween lawn decorations to Christmas lawn decorations (e.g. determining which skeletons look the smartest and dressing the top three like wise men)
Just hit rock bottom (referred to the underside of a boulder as its "rock bottom" in the company of esteemed geologists)
October 31, 2025 at 6:01 PM
Just hit rock bottom (referred to the underside of a boulder as its "rock bottom" in the company of esteemed geologists)
The kind of divorced man who still wears his wedding ring, generally as a necklace, as his decision to shrink himself to the size of a frog was a significant precipitant of his divorce.
October 30, 2025 at 6:01 PM
The kind of divorced man who still wears his wedding ring, generally as a necklace, as his decision to shrink himself to the size of a frog was a significant precipitant of his divorce.
Dreamt that I went to a very old natural history museum, and the plaque below the whale skeleton read: "An Fishe swoll'n beyonde Reason"
October 29, 2025 at 6:02 PM
Dreamt that I went to a very old natural history museum, and the plaque below the whale skeleton read: "An Fishe swoll'n beyonde Reason"
Language is by its nature multifunctional. It can be used to instruct, to joke, to order soup, to describe a soup you once encountered, to swear because soup has been spilled on your lap, to swear because soup has been spilled into your soup and now you have too much soup,
October 24, 2025 at 6:01 PM
Language is by its nature multifunctional. It can be used to instruct, to joke, to order soup, to describe a soup you once encountered, to swear because soup has been spilled on your lap, to swear because soup has been spilled into your soup and now you have too much soup,
Some people spend their entire life working in a lighthouse, yet never see a ghost ship of damned sailors, floating above the waves, doing barrel rolls.
October 23, 2025 at 7:01 PM
Some people spend their entire life working in a lighthouse, yet never see a ghost ship of damned sailors, floating above the waves, doing barrel rolls.
Slipping a note to a bank teller which reads: "I have a gun. It's in my safe deposit box."
October 22, 2025 at 6:02 PM
Slipping a note to a bank teller which reads: "I have a gun. It's in my safe deposit box."
ILLEGALLY PARKED VEHICLES
WILL BE TOWED
INTO THE OCEAN
BY A BEAST
WITH GILLS AND LUNGS AND HOOKS
AT OWNER'S EXPENSE
(200 KG OF BEAST FEED)
WILL BE TOWED
INTO THE OCEAN
BY A BEAST
WITH GILLS AND LUNGS AND HOOKS
AT OWNER'S EXPENSE
(200 KG OF BEAST FEED)
October 21, 2025 at 6:01 PM
ILLEGALLY PARKED VEHICLES
WILL BE TOWED
INTO THE OCEAN
BY A BEAST
WITH GILLS AND LUNGS AND HOOKS
AT OWNER'S EXPENSE
(200 KG OF BEAST FEED)
WILL BE TOWED
INTO THE OCEAN
BY A BEAST
WITH GILLS AND LUNGS AND HOOKS
AT OWNER'S EXPENSE
(200 KG OF BEAST FEED)
The most environmentally friendly way to package a hamburger is within the closed petals of a large flower, which opens itself when it senses ambient hunger.
October 20, 2025 at 5:57 PM
The most environmentally friendly way to package a hamburger is within the closed petals of a large flower, which opens itself when it senses ambient hunger.
"Circus" is literally Latin for "ring," so yes, I do think this is the ideal place to propose.
October 17, 2025 at 6:01 PM
"Circus" is literally Latin for "ring," so yes, I do think this is the ideal place to propose.
Thread of posts to help train AI (image of a spool of thread that winks coyly but chastely every five seconds)
November 30, 2024 at 6:58 PM
Thread of posts to help train AI (image of a spool of thread that winks coyly but chastely every five seconds)
All monks understand that a vow of silence is impossible to carry out, since one breaks one's silence with each inhalation, each exhalation, each bursting bubblegum bubble, each inadvertent cry of amazement when a fellow monk blows a bubble that's twice the size of their own head
October 12, 2023 at 9:01 PM
All monks understand that a vow of silence is impossible to carry out, since one breaks one's silence with each inhalation, each exhalation, each bursting bubblegum bubble, each inadvertent cry of amazement when a fellow monk blows a bubble that's twice the size of their own head
Walking through the aisles of a Spirit Halloween, getting increasingly frustrated because I can't find a fake tombstone that features my name and dates of birth/death.
October 11, 2023 at 9:03 PM
Walking through the aisles of a Spirit Halloween, getting increasingly frustrated because I can't find a fake tombstone that features my name and dates of birth/death.
A postcard arrives in the mail, the handwriting unfamiliar, the signature indistinguishable, the image on the postcard an impossible landscape overlaid with the words "BLORP: A CITY FOR DRIMBLERS"
October 10, 2023 at 9:02 PM
A postcard arrives in the mail, the handwriting unfamiliar, the signature indistinguishable, the image on the postcard an impossible landscape overlaid with the words "BLORP: A CITY FOR DRIMBLERS"
From the Twisted Mind of a Guy Who Survived Sticking His Head in an Industrial Dough Mixer
October 9, 2023 at 9:01 PM
From the Twisted Mind of a Guy Who Survived Sticking His Head in an Industrial Dough Mixer
In my youth I ran away with the circus, but I never actually worked for them, I just followed the same touring schedule, visiting the local museums, sampling the local cuisines, occasionally going to the circus.
October 8, 2023 at 9:01 PM
In my youth I ran away with the circus, but I never actually worked for them, I just followed the same touring schedule, visiting the local museums, sampling the local cuisines, occasionally going to the circus.
This Halloween, I will forego my usual custom of draping fake cobwebs over my house's exterior, and instead, to make my home even scarier, I will put up a bunch of signs reading: "WARNING: THERE ARE SPIDERS HERE, BUT WE DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE"
October 7, 2023 at 9:02 PM
This Halloween, I will forego my usual custom of draping fake cobwebs over my house's exterior, and instead, to make my home even scarier, I will put up a bunch of signs reading: "WARNING: THERE ARE SPIDERS HERE, BUT WE DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE"
And lo, a heavenly choir sang from above, and their songs praising the glory of God rang out across the land. A choir of the damned also sang from below, but it wasn't clear what they were singing about, as they could only be heard if you stood near a sewer grate or a gopher hole
October 6, 2023 at 9:03 PM
And lo, a heavenly choir sang from above, and their songs praising the glory of God rang out across the land. A choir of the damned also sang from below, but it wasn't clear what they were singing about, as they could only be heard if you stood near a sewer grate or a gopher hole
An effective eulogy should make the subject sound like they were a good person, but not so good that all of the listeners become convinced that the subject must be brought back to life at all costs, and drop everything in their lives in a vain attempt to reanimate the deceased.
October 5, 2023 at 9:02 PM
An effective eulogy should make the subject sound like they were a good person, but not so good that all of the listeners become convinced that the subject must be brought back to life at all costs, and drop everything in their lives in a vain attempt to reanimate the deceased.
Welcome to the Jung-le: Axl and Slash as Archetypes
October 4, 2023 at 9:00 PM
Welcome to the Jung-le: Axl and Slash as Archetypes