Custodes
@adeptusbananas.bsky.social
Adeptus Custodes' public vox account. || We're God's Banana Janitors with depression and oil! || Still waiting for the Lord Banana || Do NOT mention the clowns.
Custodes unit #6969, reporting for duty. Well, technically calling an SOS.
My voxcalls (messages) from the Asiatic Dustfields appear to be jammed (blocked by the firewall of China).
If anyone from the Palace is listening, please send help, the heat is cooking me alive in my armor.
My voxcalls (messages) from the Asiatic Dustfields appear to be jammed (blocked by the firewall of China).
If anyone from the Palace is listening, please send help, the heat is cooking me alive in my armor.
July 28, 2025 at 6:30 AM
Custodes unit #6969, reporting for duty. Well, technically calling an SOS.
My voxcalls (messages) from the Asiatic Dustfields appear to be jammed (blocked by the firewall of China).
If anyone from the Palace is listening, please send help, the heat is cooking me alive in my armor.
My voxcalls (messages) from the Asiatic Dustfields appear to be jammed (blocked by the firewall of China).
If anyone from the Palace is listening, please send help, the heat is cooking me alive in my armor.
Me and the mortals on a night out:
(Art by Velkiras-Na’khon)
(Art by Velkiras-Na’khon)
April 24, 2025 at 8:49 PM
Me and the mortals on a night out:
(Art by Velkiras-Na’khon)
(Art by Velkiras-Na’khon)
The Imperial Palace except all Custodes on vigil have to t-pose.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk, Custodes out.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk, Custodes out.
April 12, 2025 at 3:52 PM
The Imperial Palace except all Custodes on vigil have to t-pose.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk, Custodes out.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk, Custodes out.
Constantin Valdor, the Emperor's Spear, earned a name for having the most democratic election for Captain-General ever. He won with a total of 20,000 votes, in the Ten Thousand with only 10,000 voters.
March 15, 2025 at 1:40 PM
Constantin Valdor, the Emperor's Spear, earned a name for having the most democratic election for Captain-General ever. He won with a total of 20,000 votes, in the Ten Thousand with only 10,000 voters.
Pixelhagl cooked on this. The Custodes approve so very much.
March 14, 2025 at 2:30 PM
Pixelhagl cooked on this. The Custodes approve so very much.
Me and my Voxcaster homies, in out glorious duties to the Imperium: (yes, the trombone is an extraordinary important part of the glory of the Ten Thousand)
January 25, 2025 at 1:47 AM
Me and my Voxcaster homies, in out glorious duties to the Imperium: (yes, the trombone is an extraordinary important part of the glory of the Ten Thousand)
Reposted by Custodes
and the next 2
January 21, 2025 at 12:14 AM
and the next 2
Reposted by Custodes
here they are!
January 21, 2025 at 12:14 AM
here they are!
[AYAYAYA INTENSIFIES]
January 18, 2025 at 11:04 PM
[AYAYAYA INTENSIFIES]
Some...very interesting art of our glorious sisters in the Custodes.
(Custodes gf by @dndosld73832)
(Custodes gf by @dndosld73832)
January 18, 2025 at 8:30 PM
Some...very interesting art of our glorious sisters in the Custodes.
(Custodes gf by @dndosld73832)
(Custodes gf by @dndosld73832)
Custodes! Arrest this man for impersonation!
January 18, 2025 at 8:26 PM
Custodes! Arrest this man for impersonation!
More Custodian crack
January 11, 2025 at 9:04 PM
More Custodian crack
Happy (late) New Year!
January 2, 2025 at 7:42 PM
Happy (late) New Year!
Merry Sanguinala, loyal Imperium citizens!
December 25, 2024 at 3:01 AM
Merry Sanguinala, loyal Imperium citizens!
Bonus: Horus would be the type to write "assume I am correct" under "assumptions and limitations" in a chemistry lab
Results for the Primarch Chemistry lab:
Magnus: Creates a groundbreaking compound, but loses marks for not following the instructions. Sulks and writes a research paper on his discovery, which gets published in a scientific journal. Still has an 85 though.
Magnus: Creates a groundbreaking compound, but loses marks for not following the instructions. Sulks and writes a research paper on his discovery, which gets published in a scientific journal. Still has an 85 though.
The Primarchs at a chemistry class:
Magnus: Follows the wrong instructions. Accidentally discovers a new compound and invents a groundbreaking procedure. Still gets marks deducted for not sticking to the procedure.
Magnus: Follows the wrong instructions. Accidentally discovers a new compound and invents a groundbreaking procedure. Still gets marks deducted for not sticking to the procedure.
December 22, 2024 at 1:22 AM
Bonus: Horus would be the type to write "assume I am correct" under "assumptions and limitations" in a chemistry lab
Results for the Primarch Chemistry lab:
Magnus: Creates a groundbreaking compound, but loses marks for not following the instructions. Sulks and writes a research paper on his discovery, which gets published in a scientific journal. Still has an 85 though.
Magnus: Creates a groundbreaking compound, but loses marks for not following the instructions. Sulks and writes a research paper on his discovery, which gets published in a scientific journal. Still has an 85 though.
The Primarchs at a chemistry class:
Magnus: Follows the wrong instructions. Accidentally discovers a new compound and invents a groundbreaking procedure. Still gets marks deducted for not sticking to the procedure.
Magnus: Follows the wrong instructions. Accidentally discovers a new compound and invents a groundbreaking procedure. Still gets marks deducted for not sticking to the procedure.
December 20, 2024 at 11:53 PM
Results for the Primarch Chemistry lab:
Magnus: Creates a groundbreaking compound, but loses marks for not following the instructions. Sulks and writes a research paper on his discovery, which gets published in a scientific journal. Still has an 85 though.
Magnus: Creates a groundbreaking compound, but loses marks for not following the instructions. Sulks and writes a research paper on his discovery, which gets published in a scientific journal. Still has an 85 though.
The Primarchs at a chemistry class:
Magnus: Follows the wrong instructions. Accidentally discovers a new compound and invents a groundbreaking procedure. Still gets marks deducted for not sticking to the procedure.
Magnus: Follows the wrong instructions. Accidentally discovers a new compound and invents a groundbreaking procedure. Still gets marks deducted for not sticking to the procedure.
December 20, 2024 at 11:43 PM
The Primarchs at a chemistry class:
Magnus: Follows the wrong instructions. Accidentally discovers a new compound and invents a groundbreaking procedure. Still gets marks deducted for not sticking to the procedure.
Magnus: Follows the wrong instructions. Accidentally discovers a new compound and invents a groundbreaking procedure. Still gets marks deducted for not sticking to the procedure.
Tip for new Custodes on interacting with Valdor. When he asks “How are you?”, it’s not because he actually cares about you, it’s because he’s programmed to do so under “conversing with the Emperor 101” and we never changed it.
December 20, 2024 at 11:36 PM
Tip for new Custodes on interacting with Valdor. When he asks “How are you?”, it’s not because he actually cares about you, it’s because he’s programmed to do so under “conversing with the Emperor 101” and we never changed it.
Valdor is the type of Captain-General who'll do his book report on the math textbook. Followed up by a thrilling plot analysis on the dictionary.
December 20, 2024 at 11:34 PM
Valdor is the type of Captain-General who'll do his book report on the math textbook. Followed up by a thrilling plot analysis on the dictionary.
The Primarchs' grades and reactions after the test:
Horus: Gets surprisingly high for the no effort he put in. Argues with the teacher, persuades them into rounding his 85 to a 100, somehow.
Lorgar: Tries to argue with the teacher over a mark-band problem, gets his 95 turned to an 85 out of spite.
Horus: Gets surprisingly high for the no effort he put in. Argues with the teacher, persuades them into rounding his 85 to a 100, somehow.
Lorgar: Tries to argue with the teacher over a mark-band problem, gets his 95 turned to an 85 out of spite.
As a joke, for the Primarchs in math tests:
“The proof is trivial and has been left as an exercise for the reader…” (doesn’t know what he’s doing): Horus
Actual proof by triviality(knows what he’s doing): Lion, Dorn
Uses a textbook proof: Guilliman, Vulkan, Valdor
“The proof is trivial and has been left as an exercise for the reader…” (doesn’t know what he’s doing): Horus
Actual proof by triviality(knows what he’s doing): Lion, Dorn
Uses a textbook proof: Guilliman, Vulkan, Valdor
December 19, 2024 at 12:10 AM
The Primarchs' grades and reactions after the test:
Horus: Gets surprisingly high for the no effort he put in. Argues with the teacher, persuades them into rounding his 85 to a 100, somehow.
Lorgar: Tries to argue with the teacher over a mark-band problem, gets his 95 turned to an 85 out of spite.
Horus: Gets surprisingly high for the no effort he put in. Argues with the teacher, persuades them into rounding his 85 to a 100, somehow.
Lorgar: Tries to argue with the teacher over a mark-band problem, gets his 95 turned to an 85 out of spite.
As a joke, for the Primarchs in math tests:
“The proof is trivial and has been left as an exercise for the reader…” (doesn’t know what he’s doing): Horus
Actual proof by triviality(knows what he’s doing): Lion, Dorn
Uses a textbook proof: Guilliman, Vulkan, Valdor
“The proof is trivial and has been left as an exercise for the reader…” (doesn’t know what he’s doing): Horus
Actual proof by triviality(knows what he’s doing): Lion, Dorn
Uses a textbook proof: Guilliman, Vulkan, Valdor
December 18, 2024 at 11:38 PM
As a joke, for the Primarchs in math tests:
“The proof is trivial and has been left as an exercise for the reader…” (doesn’t know what he’s doing): Horus
Actual proof by triviality(knows what he’s doing): Lion, Dorn
Uses a textbook proof: Guilliman, Vulkan, Valdor
“The proof is trivial and has been left as an exercise for the reader…” (doesn’t know what he’s doing): Horus
Actual proof by triviality(knows what he’s doing): Lion, Dorn
Uses a textbook proof: Guilliman, Vulkan, Valdor
two more followers and I shall suplex Horus.
December 18, 2024 at 10:30 PM
two more followers and I shall suplex Horus.
As a joke, I have headcannoned what Primarchs would be like in math contests:
You know the alignment chart thingies? As a joke, I made one for Math contests, but for Primarchs.
What happens at the math contest:
Knows what they’re doing, does the questions: Guilliman, Sanguinius, Ferrus
You know the alignment chart thingies? As a joke, I made one for Math contests, but for Primarchs.
What happens at the math contest:
Knows what they’re doing, does the questions: Guilliman, Sanguinius, Ferrus
December 15, 2024 at 3:04 PM
As a joke, I have headcannoned what Primarchs would be like in math contests:
You know the alignment chart thingies? As a joke, I made one for Math contests, but for Primarchs.
What happens at the math contest:
Knows what they’re doing, does the questions: Guilliman, Sanguinius, Ferrus
You know the alignment chart thingies? As a joke, I made one for Math contests, but for Primarchs.
What happens at the math contest:
Knows what they’re doing, does the questions: Guilliman, Sanguinius, Ferrus