AARON SIMON
@aaronsimon.bsky.social
The new Old Spice guy really has my ad experiences in a chokehold. 😮💨
December 3, 2025 at 5:11 AM
The new Old Spice guy really has my ad experiences in a chokehold. 😮💨
Quoting ‘Broad City’ back and forth over voice memos is my new love language.
December 3, 2025 at 3:43 AM
Quoting ‘Broad City’ back and forth over voice memos is my new love language.
Thought my ex was a table over from me. Nope. Just another bald, bearded otter.
December 3, 2025 at 12:54 AM
Thought my ex was a table over from me. Nope. Just another bald, bearded otter.
They got Paris and Nicole on onion ring duty at Culver’s. (I feel like only my sister will understand this reference.)
December 3, 2025 at 12:30 AM
They got Paris and Nicole on onion ring duty at Culver’s. (I feel like only my sister will understand this reference.)
Sometimes, the world tells us to pause—whether it’s inclement weather or a global health pandemic. Yet, employers have the audacity to demand employees risk their safety without paying them a living wage. Companies truly do not care whether you live or die, and it is harrowing how we got here.
Is the corporate, grind-‘til-you’re-dead capitalist bullshit an American problem or a global problem, because I would very much like for me and my loved ones to get off this ride. 🙃
December 2, 2025 at 3:07 AM
Sometimes, the world tells us to pause—whether it’s inclement weather or a global health pandemic. Yet, employers have the audacity to demand employees risk their safety without paying them a living wage. Companies truly do not care whether you live or die, and it is harrowing how we got here.
Is the corporate, grind-‘til-you’re-dead capitalist bullshit an American problem or a global problem, because I would very much like for me and my loved ones to get off this ride. 🙃
December 2, 2025 at 2:29 AM
Is the corporate, grind-‘til-you’re-dead capitalist bullshit an American problem or a global problem, because I would very much like for me and my loved ones to get off this ride. 🙃
I wish people stilled talked like they do in ‘Bridgerton.’ “Make haste” is such a great phrase. Can we bring that back?
November 29, 2025 at 4:36 PM
I wish people stilled talked like they do in ‘Bridgerton.’ “Make haste” is such a great phrase. Can we bring that back?
Oh, and there’s still a shit ton of pie. Pie will probably win. #LastLeftoverStanding
Eliminated last night:
• turkey
• cheesy corn
• green bean casserole
Eliminated at lunch:
• rolls
Eliminated tonight:
• deviled eggs
• mashed potatoes
• stuffing
Still in the running:
• sweet potatoes
• pineapple salad
Who will become the #LastLeftoverStanding?
• turkey
• cheesy corn
• green bean casserole
Eliminated at lunch:
• rolls
Eliminated tonight:
• deviled eggs
• mashed potatoes
• stuffing
Still in the running:
• sweet potatoes
• pineapple salad
Who will become the #LastLeftoverStanding?
November 29, 2025 at 4:33 PM
Oh, and there’s still a shit ton of pie. Pie will probably win. #LastLeftoverStanding
Eliminated last night:
• turkey
• cheesy corn
• green bean casserole
Eliminated at lunch:
• rolls
Eliminated tonight:
• deviled eggs
• mashed potatoes
• stuffing
Still in the running:
• sweet potatoes
• pineapple salad
Who will become the #LastLeftoverStanding?
• turkey
• cheesy corn
• green bean casserole
Eliminated at lunch:
• rolls
Eliminated tonight:
• deviled eggs
• mashed potatoes
• stuffing
Still in the running:
• sweet potatoes
• pineapple salad
Who will become the #LastLeftoverStanding?
November 29, 2025 at 4:08 AM
Eliminated last night:
• turkey
• cheesy corn
• green bean casserole
Eliminated at lunch:
• rolls
Eliminated tonight:
• deviled eggs
• mashed potatoes
• stuffing
Still in the running:
• sweet potatoes
• pineapple salad
Who will become the #LastLeftoverStanding?
• turkey
• cheesy corn
• green bean casserole
Eliminated at lunch:
• rolls
Eliminated tonight:
• deviled eggs
• mashed potatoes
• stuffing
Still in the running:
• sweet potatoes
• pineapple salad
Who will become the #LastLeftoverStanding?
Yeah? Well, neither have wages, so stfu.
Major record labels are reportedly pressuring Spotify, Apple Music, and other streaming services to raise subscription prices, saying current rates haven’t kept up with inflation, according to Financial Times.
November 28, 2025 at 10:50 PM
Yeah? Well, neither have wages, so stfu.
It’s my own fault for following so many hot gym bros on Instagram, but miss me with your low-carb-lean-proteins and portion control recommendations on Thanksgiving.
a woman says okay girl bye while covering her face with her hand
ALT: a woman says okay girl bye while covering her face with her hand
media.tenor.com
November 27, 2025 at 5:18 PM
It’s my own fault for following so many hot gym bros on Instagram, but miss me with your low-carb-lean-proteins and portion control recommendations on Thanksgiving.
Started ‘Bridgerton,’ because I was promised Jonathan Bailey ass shots, but I think I’m more interested in his…
a man in a black shirt with gold polka dots is standing in a boxing ring
ALT: a man in a black shirt with gold polka dots is standing in a boxing ring
media.tenor.com
November 27, 2025 at 3:08 AM
Started ‘Bridgerton,’ because I was promised Jonathan Bailey ass shots, but I think I’m more interested in his…
Must everything become a cinematic universe?
Universal confirms more movies set in the ‘Wicked’ universe are in early development:
"Because of Wicked’s success but also the fanship, we have almost a responsibility to figure out how we can continue in this universe.”
"Because of Wicked’s success but also the fanship, we have almost a responsibility to figure out how we can continue in this universe.”
November 26, 2025 at 11:31 PM
Must everything become a cinematic universe?
One minute, you’re dancing to “WAP,” the next, you’re swapping trauma stories with someone who was maligned by the same “friend.”
November 25, 2025 at 6:21 AM
One minute, you’re dancing to “WAP,” the next, you’re swapping trauma stories with someone who was maligned by the same “friend.”
And now Taylor Swift? Where is the rope?
November 25, 2025 at 5:34 AM
And now Taylor Swift? Where is the rope?
Who the hell chose “Breathe (2 AM)” by Anna Nalick on the TouchTunes?!
November 25, 2025 at 5:33 AM
Who the hell chose “Breathe (2 AM)” by Anna Nalick on the TouchTunes?!
Why do I feel like such an idiot taking selfies in public when it is literally just what people are doing these days?
November 24, 2025 at 4:20 PM
Why do I feel like such an idiot taking selfies in public when it is literally just what people are doing these days?
I have been singing Phil Collins’s “You’ll Be In My Heart,” all morning, but replacing “heart” with “butt,” because apparently I’m 13 years old?
November 22, 2025 at 8:05 PM
I have been singing Phil Collins’s “You’ll Be In My Heart,” all morning, but replacing “heart” with “butt,” because apparently I’m 13 years old?
Here to report that Tropical Jolly Ranchers > original Jolly Ranchers. Retire the original flavors; four new bombshells have entered the villa.
November 22, 2025 at 12:28 AM
Here to report that Tropical Jolly Ranchers > original Jolly Ranchers. Retire the original flavors; four new bombshells have entered the villa.
Walked into my barber, and a young woman getting her hair braided—likely on the spectrum—just told me I was sexy. Can’t tell me nothin’ today. 🤣
November 21, 2025 at 9:24 PM
Walked into my barber, and a young woman getting her hair braided—likely on the spectrum—just told me I was sexy. Can’t tell me nothin’ today. 🤣
I feel like I’ve truly entered adulthood in the sense that I used to love science labs when I was in middle and high school, and now I can’t think of a worse day. I’d rather take 20 tests than do one lab.
November 21, 2025 at 3:55 PM
I feel like I’ve truly entered adulthood in the sense that I used to love science labs when I was in middle and high school, and now I can’t think of a worse day. I’d rather take 20 tests than do one lab.
Isn’t this just everyday? 🙄
November 19, 2025 at 6:03 PM
Isn’t this just everyday? 🙄
How does one write a really reverent paragraph about the liminal space of pre-motherhood and manage to mistake “wandering” for “wondering?”
November 19, 2025 at 3:24 AM
How does one write a really reverent paragraph about the liminal space of pre-motherhood and manage to mistake “wandering” for “wondering?”
But most importantly, Happy 4th Birthday to my favorite picture of myself of all time.
November 17, 2025 at 3:45 AM
But most importantly, Happy 4th Birthday to my favorite picture of myself of all time.
When I turned 29, I had the idea to put together a playlist of all the Billboard number one songs on my birthday, and today, I had to log my fourth Taylor Swift number one. Someone please stop this woman. open.spotify.com/playlist/6LL...
🎂💿
open.spotify.com
November 17, 2025 at 3:37 AM
When I turned 29, I had the idea to put together a playlist of all the Billboard number one songs on my birthday, and today, I had to log my fourth Taylor Swift number one. Someone please stop this woman. open.spotify.com/playlist/6LL...