#moreso-in-the-concerning-way
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kiku.posts.love
@midnightgamble.bsky.social
∹ 📺🌀 (defernull tenna) to 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗻𝘂𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗮𝘁.
ーーー

Tenna was frustratedー a usual thing for her at this rate, almost moreso than her 'bigshot' counterpart, which was a bit concerning in it's own way, especially when she was so aggressive about her feelings most of the time
November 25, 2025 at 10:30 AM
sunburst.at.app.wafrn.net
Individuals on the internet are very strange. #🔮 #not-exactly-in-the-intriguing-way #moreso-in-the-concerning-way
November 16, 2025 at 6:40 AM
toplesstopics.bsky.social
screenshots of a mastodon post about my ongoing nausea that my doctor isn't taking seriously, the kids being home sick on the second day that school finally started, and on the risks of letting other parents know I flash my tits online for gender equality 😩
screenshot of part of the post: Forcing myself to check emails and edit video, even though the kids are home sick (yes, on the second day that school finally started) and my own low level nausea refuses to entirely go away...I'm still getting deluged by responses to the video editor ad I took down weeks ago, no matter how I tell them that I'm currently busy with other stuff and will contact them in a month or three if I decide to do a test run with them. The fact that I get paid so little for making videos makes it hard to prioritize working on them while I'm feeling ill and tired all the time...but of course I can't make better videos if I don't work harder on them, and I have no chance of getting a living wage doing them if I don't improve their quality (or if I give up on achieving the same rights as men and just do porn instead, which I don't want to do). Though I sent off the final requested test to the doctor on Friday (after I was forced to wait two weeks without any stomach medicine to ensure no false negatives), I haven't heard back from anyone, and there was a note on MyChart that the doctor is out until 9/19. The nausea is manageable, but I'm still frustrated that it feels like she's not taking it seriously. Apparently if you're not bleeding out on a table, then any perceived illness or discomfort is discounted as NBD. Especially if it's something that doesn't show up on test results, so clearly must all be in my head... (: post continued: Whenever the kids get over their illness and finally return to school, hopefully for more than a single day a week (the teacher's strike didn't end until midday Thursday), I'm going to figure out how to contact the oncology department directly and push for a colonoscopy, juuuust to make sure I don't have my mom's colon cancer or my dad's gallbladder cancer (yet). Or if I do, at least I can start treating it (though that blows any minimal chance I have of moving to Canada, since they certainly don't want sick people sneaking in to leech their universal healthcare). The nausea is making it hard to feel rested, also...I wake up frequently in cold sweats, or for indeterminate reasons, and then it takes me a long time to fall asleep again as my mind spins with health anxiety and anxiety overall. And then there's night like last night, where Link woke me up scream-cry-coughing just before midnight because he suddenly developed croup again (a bit concerning since he's past the age where croup can often be common, but he went back to sleep after only one dose of medicine) and then again at 4 am, when Aeden woke me up complaining of a stomach ache and yet again, fears of death. Matthew took today off work because he's also feeling feverish, and I don't feel feverish yet, but I know I'll feel it soon enough since no one in the house can get it without passing it on to everyone else. Add on top of that the fact that the fuckwit conspiracy theorist Cheetohlini put in charge of the country's health department decreed that only the most elderly and infirm are allowed to get the most recent covid vaccine, keeping the rest of us sitting ducks for the next infection.... Post continued: And then as always, I see these social media posts from people in way worse situations, and I feel a wave of guilt for even feeling shitty about our own situation (: I'm just going to choose to remain hopeful that the kids will truly go back to school soon, that either I'll find a doctor to take my nausea seriously enough to prescribe some kind of treatment or it goes away on its own, and that subsequently I'll find the energy and passion to throw into making my videos better, even if I never achieve financial solidarity with them because my content isn't "brand-safe." Funnily enough, I was at a birthday party with the kids on Saturday, and while talking to the other parents, one of them asked if making videos was my job, did I get paid for it (they meant it kindly out of curiosity, not judgement, I'm sure) and I could only answer vaguely, self-deprecatingly laughing that yes it's my job, but my content isn't "capitalism approved" enough to actually get paid a decent wage from it. We'd felt out our political inclinations ahead of time already, and I knew they were also no fans of capitalism or sexism, or I wouldn't have said even that much. She asked what my channel name was, and I told her I wasn't comfortable saying it around children lest they misunderstand the intent of it (although I had already said that a lot of my content was focused on discussing the blatant hypocrisy of only men being allowed to go online and in public with a shirt...which she agreed was- Final screenshot: -public with a shirt...which she agreed was unfair), but that I would tell her later after we exchanged numbers to set up a future playdate. She's not on the PTA so I'm a lot less likely to encounter her without previous arrangement, but it's still always nerve-wracking to talk about my content with anyone in person who isn't already a supporter, and even moreso when it's a parent whose kids frequently interact with mine...ahh, if only I was a male underwear model, then they might be slightly alarmed at first but at least would be less worried that it meant I would suddenly start talking to their kids about porn or something like that 😩
September 15, 2025 at 7:33 PM