Zuckerberg Facts
@zuckerbergfacts.bsky.social
All facts. All the time. Never fact-checked.
FACT: Zuckerberg “very excited” to learn French Canadians plan to honor him with brand new pastry. Zuckerberg “less excited” when pastry named “douche-baguette.”
February 10, 2025 at 3:43 AM
FACT: Zuckerberg “very excited” to learn French Canadians plan to honor him with brand new pastry. Zuckerberg “less excited” when pastry named “douche-baguette.”
FACT: Amid revelations Musk’s malignant megalomania is fueled by raging ketamine addiction, Zuckerberg releases blood test proving his dirtbag douchery is “100% grade-A all natural.”
February 5, 2025 at 10:11 PM
FACT: Amid revelations Musk’s malignant megalomania is fueled by raging ketamine addiction, Zuckerberg releases blood test proving his dirtbag douchery is “100% grade-A all natural.”
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FACT: Caught!!! Zuckerberg cheats on wife with Carrie Underwood in back of Tesla Cybertruck. Reports confirm: Jesus behind wheel.
January 20, 2025 at 3:36 PM
FACT: Caught!!! Zuckerberg cheats on wife with Carrie Underwood in back of Tesla Cybertruck. Reports confirm: Jesus behind wheel.
FACT: Filled with rage that Musk got “all the credit” for overthrowing U.S. government without him, Zuckerberg challenges musk to a “winner takes Earth” thumb war.
February 3, 2025 at 3:26 AM
FACT: Filled with rage that Musk got “all the credit” for overthrowing U.S. government without him, Zuckerberg challenges musk to a “winner takes Earth” thumb war.
During recent leaked therapy session, Zuckerberg admits deep-seated attraction to his sister, his reflection, and the holes of donuts “cuz it fits just right”.
February 1, 2025 at 9:07 PM
During recent leaked therapy session, Zuckerberg admits deep-seated attraction to his sister, his reflection, and the holes of donuts “cuz it fits just right”.
FACT: Zuckerberg blames DEI for everything including reduced platform usage, plane crashes, lack of personality, lack of good looks, lack of soul, lack of friends, and lack of “milkshake” bringing all the boys to the yard.
January 30, 2025 at 7:25 PM
FACT: Zuckerberg blames DEI for everything including reduced platform usage, plane crashes, lack of personality, lack of good looks, lack of soul, lack of friends, and lack of “milkshake” bringing all the boys to the yard.
FACT: Fearing the avian bird flu, Zuckerberg stops scrambling his eggs and temporarily postpones his “bock bock boink a chicken” poultry orgy gala.
January 29, 2025 at 4:56 AM
FACT: Fearing the avian bird flu, Zuckerberg stops scrambling his eggs and temporarily postpones his “bock bock boink a chicken” poultry orgy gala.
FACT: Upon meeting favorite actor, Joey Lawrence, Zuckerberg demands “broligarchy” be re-named the “whoa-oligarchy.”
January 27, 2025 at 4:10 PM
FACT: Upon meeting favorite actor, Joey Lawrence, Zuckerberg demands “broligarchy” be re-named the “whoa-oligarchy.”
FACT: Zuckerberg switches allegiance from youporn to pornhub, states,"Their dicks are meatier."
January 24, 2025 at 9:08 PM
FACT: Zuckerberg switches allegiance from youporn to pornhub, states,"Their dicks are meatier."
FACT: In pay-per-view “Ultimate Battle of the Sexes” cage match, Zuckerberg wins in split decision over 86-year-old wheelchair-bound grandmother.
January 23, 2025 at 9:40 PM
FACT: In pay-per-view “Ultimate Battle of the Sexes” cage match, Zuckerberg wins in split decision over 86-year-old wheelchair-bound grandmother.
FACT: Meta founder demands Trump dissolve entire CDC after double blind study discovers “Zuckerberg” is leading cause of vaginal dryness.
January 23, 2025 at 5:44 AM
FACT: Meta founder demands Trump dissolve entire CDC after double blind study discovers “Zuckerberg” is leading cause of vaginal dryness.
FACT: Amid growing concerns within broligarchy, Zuckerberg reassures Musk he is indeed a self-hating Jew. Very few people did Nazi that coming.
January 22, 2025 at 3:48 AM
FACT: Amid growing concerns within broligarchy, Zuckerberg reassures Musk he is indeed a self-hating Jew. Very few people did Nazi that coming.
FACT: Caught!!! Zuckerberg cheats on wife with Carrie Underwood in back of Tesla Cybertruck. Reports confirm: Jesus behind wheel.
January 20, 2025 at 3:36 PM
FACT: Caught!!! Zuckerberg cheats on wife with Carrie Underwood in back of Tesla Cybertruck. Reports confirm: Jesus behind wheel.
Women Zuckerberg “rated” in college rate him back. The verdict: “We’d sooner fuck Hulk Hogan’s armpit.”
January 20, 2025 at 2:13 AM
Women Zuckerberg “rated” in college rate him back. The verdict: “We’d sooner fuck Hulk Hogan’s armpit.”
Zuckerberg kills beloved 9 year old family cat because, “Her energy wasn’t masculine enough.”
January 18, 2025 at 9:53 PM
Zuckerberg kills beloved 9 year old family cat because, “Her energy wasn’t masculine enough.”
FACT: Zuckerberg calls new robot prototype “DEI Hire” after it refuses to blow him in exchange for software update.
January 18, 2025 at 9:53 PM
FACT: Zuckerberg calls new robot prototype “DEI Hire” after it refuses to blow him in exchange for software update.
FACT: Zuckerberg adds another gold chain. Says, “You can never look too douchey.”
January 18, 2025 at 9:52 PM
FACT: Zuckerberg adds another gold chain. Says, “You can never look too douchey.”
FACT: Zuckerberg “regrets” secret bankrolling of invasion saying, “Bro, that’s Iceland, not Greenland.”
January 18, 2025 at 9:51 PM
FACT: Zuckerberg “regrets” secret bankrolling of invasion saying, “Bro, that’s Iceland, not Greenland.”