I will never know that full feeling i so desire. Even if i lose all this weight i will never be desired. He meant everything he meant peace and true sanctuary. He meant love.

And on top of that his body was fucking desecrated i feel like my soul is dead. When he died i have never in my life been so close to death and i was never more ready to accept it. I am a lover, my heart is that of a lover but i have failed every time

And thats saying something since i watched my own mother drown in front of me when i was 9. I would relive all of that if only i could have sebastian and keep him. All i want is to hold him forever but i can't

I would have sacrificed my own life to save him. Its fucking pitiful anyway but he was truly special. He was truly a gem and the world took advantage of him. I have never cried in my entire life like i cried when i found out about his death

I didn't even expect him to love me back. I expected nothing of him. I just wanted to love who he was, i just wanted to adore his entire personality. His heart felt truly special to me and i was willing to do anything to protect it and cherish it. I wish i could have protected him.

I wish i could say my first intimate experiences were anything but impulsive decisions made because i dont love myself and i truly doubt anyone could even love me. It shocked me that sebastian loved me like i loved him

I felt angry at aphrodite because why give me something so special just to rip it away. Its not like ive had much luck elsewhere but i had him and i actually had something and he was murdered. Maybe im meant to totally give up on love entirely but i want those experiences

After sebastians death i feel like all my willpower to even try with love is gone but theres this extremely empty feeling i feel without him. I wish i could have loved him how he deserved. No one on earth appreciated him how they should have. His entire soul was special

Absolutely stunning

youtu.be/3-IXy-hfxbo?... this is how bad i was shitting my pants after seeing that shooting star

Ahh. I also forgot who this was. I just think its silly when people care so deeply i would not give two shits if a 30+ year old came to me looking like this

Who gives a shit what someone does with their life. I think its incredibly weird to care so deeply. I personally wouldn't care if a 30+ person had LED lights all over their body in every corner of their home. Its their life not mine

That was probably one of the most intense ass moments for me. I cried and thanked the gods after.

Thorn! I had a humongous shit my pants moment last night. I prayed to lady aphrodite last night and felt really good about it, i did divination to make sure and got good omens. I said in my head "if i see a shooting star that will be an excellent sign" AND I FUCKING SAW A SHOOTING STAR SHORTLY AFTER

May the goddess blessed by the glowing ra, perfumed and ever shining. The protector noble bastet bless your baby

I will kneel before bastet and beg for her aid. I just got a stone meant to help ensure the gods are pleased with you so i will use it to help me sway bastet even more and ask her for her aid