Zero Star Reviews
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zerostarreviews.bsky.social
Zero Star Reviews
@zerostarreviews.bsky.social
Chronicling critical misses throughout history. DM suggestions. Alter ego of @christianschneider.bsky.social
ELF (2003): "You have to hand it to Ferrell, who sets some kind of record for wearing an idiotic grin, which never vanishes unless he's getting pummeled. And for my money, you just can't pummel this character enough." - Arizona Republic, Nov 7, 2003
November 25, 2025 at 3:56 PM
GODARD'S BREATHLESS (1961): "Juvenile rubbish...utterly unbelievable-beyond the point of absurdity...a contrived bit of tripe...

Lord knows, we have enough trouble with our native film production without importing France's soiled cinematic laundry." - Wash. Daily News, 11/9/1961
November 23, 2025 at 7:59 PM
RADIO (1922): "I believe the popular craze for radio is a big bubble which will burst...there's not anything that people can get over the radio that they cannot get from a graphophone except the thrill of thinking that the sound is coming to them thru the air. (cont'd):
October 13, 2025 at 4:42 PM
OASIS, DEFINITELY MAYBE (1994): "Not even original, let alone revolutionary...thrills quickly pass, like eating a bowl of whipped cream...If Oasis is the new voice of Brit rock, it's no wonder Americans are no longer paying all that much attention." - Santa Barbara News Press, 9-23-94
August 7, 2025 at 6:40 PM
PARANOID - Black Sabbath (1970): "Really, though, they have a sound of their own, but I got bored because it all began to sound the same. It's very heavy rock...That's what the album makes me - paranoid." - The Dispatch (Moline, IL), March 9, 1971
July 22, 2025 at 6:36 PM
BILLY JOEL (1972): "Billy Joel is an adequate singer, and good piano player; but if he scores big in the music world, it will probably be as a composer." - Oregon Daily Journal, February 28, 1972
July 21, 2025 at 3:12 PM
THE OFFICE UK (2001): "A Summer Stinker...fails miserably because parodies of dullness only succeed when they're shorter and more exaggerated than their original models...a bore in real time remains simply a bore. I was pretty close to tears. Of utter despair." Evening Standard
June 16, 2025 at 2:46 PM
The Birds (1963): "I was not frightened. Merely horrified. In my opinion, the only ones who will be afraid of 'The Birds' are very small children...they should give an Oscar to the bird trainer." LA Evening Citizen News, 3/28/1963
June 7, 2025 at 6:31 PM
GETTYSBURG ADDRESS (1863): After Abraham Lincoln's historic speech, the Harrisburg Patriot-News slammed Lincoln, calling his "little" speech "silly" and accusing him of political opportunism.

"Whatever may be the President's virtues, he does not possess sense." (11/24/1863)
December 30, 2024 at 5:54 PM
STEELY DAN - AJA (1977): "The tunes themselves are well below par. A ghost of the habitual Dan dissonance serves only to gloss over changes that are essentially normal and boring...the disappointment of the year." Valley Advocate, Oct 26, 1977
December 2, 2024 at 3:27 AM
THE GODFATHER (1972): "To treat The Godfather as anything more than an enjoyable, well-made film is only the sick reaction of a sick society. Maybe mafiosi love their mothers, but that's no reason to admire or respect them. So did Adolf Hitler." - Rex Reed, 1972
November 25, 2024 at 4:42 PM
DIE HARD (1988): "phallic," full of "cynical one-liners, racist undertones, and class-baiting." Bloomington Pantagraph
November 25, 2024 at 4:41 PM
ERNEST HEMINGWAY - "The Sun Also Rises" (1926): "Before his tale is done there is some detail that could be spared." - Reading (Pa.) Times, Nov. 20, 1926
November 25, 2024 at 4:39 PM
ABBEY ROAD - The Beatles (1969): "Perhaps to their own relief, the Beatles have lost the desire to touch us. You'll enjoy "Abbey Road," but it won't move you." - The Guardian, Oct 8, 1969
November 25, 2024 at 4:38 PM
BOB DYLAN LIVE (1964): "[Dylan] comes across sincere, but never really succeeds in coming across." - Robert Davis, Wisconsin State Journal, 1964
November 25, 2024 at 4:33 PM