Zero Squared
@zero-squared.bsky.social
A rather British blog in interesting times.
Includes satirical content.
Includes satirical content.
I'm selflessly representing the people of Clacton on a jolly in Abu Dhabi to bask in reflected glory and meet a convicted fraudster, insists diligent public servant
December 9, 2025 at 2:30 PM
I'm selflessly representing the people of Clacton on a jolly in Abu Dhabi to bask in reflected glory and meet a convicted fraudster, insists diligent public servant
Weeya bin reely rush wiv dee footy biz, buh weeya maker ded spesh goldie troaf, innit
December 6, 2025 at 1:17 PM
Weeya bin reely rush wiv dee footy biz, buh weeya maker ded spesh goldie troaf, innit
Norwegian committee announces joint winners of newly-created Nobel Prize for Corruption are FIFA and Donald Trump for outstanding contributions to this field
December 5, 2025 at 9:05 PM
Norwegian committee announces joint winners of newly-created Nobel Prize for Corruption are FIFA and Donald Trump for outstanding contributions to this field
Dismissing journalists' questions and ranting about lewd comedians is the best way to answer any criticism, insists completely-accountable MP committed to upholding the highest standards in public office
December 5, 2025 at 9:51 AM
Dismissing journalists' questions and ranting about lewd comedians is the best way to answer any criticism, insists completely-accountable MP committed to upholding the highest standards in public office
I refuse to demonstrate responsible leadership or be held accountable for my own actions, insists worthy British Prime Minister
November 27, 2025 at 8:42 AM
I refuse to demonstrate responsible leadership or be held accountable for my own actions, insists worthy British Prime Minister
NADIR: Nigel always denies individual responsibility
November 25, 2025 at 2:19 PM
NADIR: Nigel always denies individual responsibility
I got a girlfriend that's better than that
And she goes wherever she likes (there she goes)
And she goes wherever she likes (there she goes)
November 23, 2025 at 10:58 AM
I got a girlfriend that's better than that
And she goes wherever she likes (there she goes)
And she goes wherever she likes (there she goes)
The woke Electoral Commission has forced us to rebrand our c̶o̶m̶p̶a̶n̶y̶party in a way that properly reflects our sponsors, insists committed British patriot: Chairman Иigel
November 22, 2025 at 6:30 PM
The woke Electoral Commission has forced us to rebrand our c̶o̶m̶p̶a̶n̶y̶party in a way that properly reflects our sponsors, insists committed British patriot: Chairman Иigel
Threatening to sell refugees' jewellery is more ethical than eliminating the asylum backlog and deters more small boat crossings than opening legal migration routes, insists party of solidarity, tolerance and r̶e̶f̶o̶r̶m̶respect
November 18, 2025 at 9:52 AM
Threatening to sell refugees' jewellery is more ethical than eliminating the asylum backlog and deters more small boat crossings than opening legal migration routes, insists party of solidarity, tolerance and r̶e̶f̶o̶r̶m̶respect
I have decided to release the Epstein files - just after I pardon Jeffrey and all his associates, insists soon-to-be completely innocent man
November 17, 2025 at 2:00 PM
I have decided to release the Epstein files - just after I pardon Jeffrey and all his associates, insists soon-to-be completely innocent man
In order to fully comply with his recent demands, we will not be editing out any parts of Donald Trump's activities in the our new TV documentary: The Epstein Files, confirms BBC spokesperson
November 12, 2025 at 7:49 PM
In order to fully comply with his recent demands, we will not be editing out any parts of Donald Trump's activities in the our new TV documentary: The Epstein Files, confirms BBC spokesperson
The BBC has been misleading the public, insists man who single-handedly stopped nine wars by flying an AI-generated fighter jet and won the Nobel Prize for Truth
November 11, 2025 at 10:08 AM
The BBC has been misleading the public, insists man who single-handedly stopped nine wars by flying an AI-generated fighter jet and won the Nobel Prize for Truth
I never promised that I'd cut tax...or create jobs...or tackle inflation...or improve the NHS...or properly vet our MPs, insists man who never promised that Brexit would take back control of our borders
November 4, 2025 at 11:07 AM
I never promised that I'd cut tax...or create jobs...or tackle inflation...or improve the NHS...or properly vet our MPs, insists man who never promised that Brexit would take back control of our borders
We have initiated a formal process to remove the style, titles and honours of President Donald J Trump. These censures are deemed necessary, notwithstanding the fact that he continues to deny the allegations against him, insists diligent US government spokesperson
November 3, 2025 at 5:12 PM
We have initiated a formal process to remove the style, titles and honours of President Donald J Trump. These censures are deemed necessary, notwithstanding the fact that he continues to deny the allegations against him, insists diligent US government spokesperson
Cable-tying a cheap Chinese-made flag halfway up a lamppost is the best way to celebrate being British, insists committed patriot
October 24, 2025 at 3:42 PM
Cable-tying a cheap Chinese-made flag halfway up a lamppost is the best way to celebrate being British, insists committed patriot
Israeli authorities calling off Tel Aviv local derby due to safety concerns over crowd violence is anti-Semitic, insists PM
October 21, 2025 at 10:14 AM
Israeli authorities calling off Tel Aviv local derby due to safety concerns over crowd violence is anti-Semitic, insists PM
Norwegian committee acknowledges Donald Trump's unparalleled leadership in anti-woke conflict resolution by awarding him the newly-renamed Nobel Prize for War
October 9, 2025 at 9:21 PM
Norwegian committee acknowledges Donald Trump's unparalleled leadership in anti-woke conflict resolution by awarding him the newly-renamed Nobel Prize for War
PM for 29 days? I'm definitely going to throw my ring into the chapeau, insists perfectly-qualified candidate
October 7, 2025 at 9:15 AM
PM for 29 days? I'm definitely going to throw my ring into the chapeau, insists perfectly-qualified candidate
Peacefully protesting against genocide is shameful, but selling arms to a genocidal regime is perfectly acceptable, insists UK government
October 4, 2025 at 9:02 AM
Peacefully protesting against genocide is shameful, but selling arms to a genocidal regime is perfectly acceptable, insists UK government
It's outrageous that my taxpayer-funded security has been cut when inciting violence and hatred is such an integral part of representing the electorate, insists diligent MP
October 2, 2025 at 10:21 AM
It's outrageous that my taxpayer-funded security has been cut when inciting violence and hatred is such an integral part of representing the electorate, insists diligent MP
Taking bribes to support hostile foreign powers is the best way to represent the British electorate, insist patriotic elected representatives
September 27, 2025 at 4:47 PM
Taking bribes to support hostile foreign powers is the best way to represent the British electorate, insist patriotic elected representatives
Hats cause Autism, insists elderly New York care home resident
September 24, 2025 at 8:04 PM
Hats cause Autism, insists elderly New York care home resident
Stop! Epstein time!
September 24, 2025 at 7:31 PM
Stop! Epstein time!
United Nations' security staff left red-faced as elderly New York care home resident allowed to give rambling, incoherent address after being mistaken for US President
September 23, 2025 at 8:05 PM
United Nations' security staff left red-faced as elderly New York care home resident allowed to give rambling, incoherent address after being mistaken for US President
We should deport anyone who speaks a language that's not English, flys a flag that's not English or is less English than St George himself, insists man with French partner and German passport.
September 22, 2025 at 5:12 PM
We should deport anyone who speaks a language that's not English, flys a flag that's not English or is less English than St George himself, insists man with French partner and German passport.